depression Archives - Amazing Catechists

Understanding the Difference Between Grief and Depression

When devastating loss hits our lives, we tend to respond with deep, intense sorrow. Initially, it might feel very uncomfortable for us, because grief stirs up many complicated and painful emotions. In time, we might hear well-intentioned friends or family members say, “Maybe it’s time to move on.” So we wonder, “Is this normal to feel like this? Am I depressed?”

Periods of grief can be confusing as we’re sorting through strong reactions, unexpected behaviors, and unwanted feelings or thoughts. It’s easy to see why most of us might get grief and the clinical diagnosis of depression mixed up at times. Here are some clear indicators that you are struggling with depression or a form of pathological grief called complicated grief.

First, your response of anger, sadness, confusion, loneliness, and guilt in the immediate aftermath of loss is a normal response. It’s important to note patterns of behavior over time, which may indicate that you need further professional and/or medical help.

The DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – 5th Revision) is what clinical psychologists and physicians who are psychiatrists use to diagnose specific conditions that can be treated well with medication and therapy. Now classified as Major Depressive Disorder, here are the criteria for diagnosis. Keep in mind that these symptoms must be prevalent for at least two consecutive weeks:

Suicidal ideations (e.g. thinking and tendencies);
Excessive weight loss or weight gain (or increased/decreased appetite);
Energy loss and fatigue;
Feelings of worthlessness;
Irritability;
Poor concentration;
Change in sleep patterns (insomnia or hypersomnia – sleeping very little or too much).

Similarly, there is a clinical condition called complicated grief that mimics some symptoms of depression. The criteria include:

Loss occurred over 6 months ago;
Rumination over the loss/can’t get it off of your mind;
Feeling that life is meaningless or worthless;
Feeling shock/numbness;
Neglecting self-care or care of others who need you (e.g. children);
Auditory/Visual hallucinations of the person who has died;
Inability to accept the loss;
Strong feelings or reactions to any memory related to the loss;
Cannot trust others or discuss anything other than the loss.

These symptoms must be present consistently for at least one month and significantly interfere with daily life.

Normal grief is acute; it comes and goes – sometimes without warning. But a clinical diagnosis is probable if you feel stuck and as if you are unable or unwilling to move through the grief rather than avoid or deny its presence and what it can teach you about suffering and empathy for others who are suffering. When in doubt, seek professional help. Go to your doctor and have an honest conversation. Listen to your loved ones’ concern about your welfare and take them into consideration.

(Note: I am not a physician or psychologist, and this information is not intended to replace or treat any condition you have. It’s for informational purposes only.)

Adapted from my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph.

The Dark Night of this Catechist

By Mary Lou Rosien

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PawelTomkiewicz. Used with Permission

It should have been predictable, but it had never happened to me before. I had just finished catechizing a summer RCIA group and was about to start a new one for fall. I was two weeks away from beginning a new confirmation class, just finished teaching at a PreCana weekend, and Oh yeah, was leading a group in the Thirty-Three Days to Morning Glory Consecration to Our Lady after a re-consecration of my own. I had put a spiritual bullseye on my back and took a direct hit.

I fell into a dark night of spirituality. I have always been blessed to ‘feel’ God’s presence, especially after receiving the Eucharist. Suddenly, I didn’t and worse than that, my heart was filled with doubts. They weren’t so much about believing in God, that is who I am and it cannot be separated out from me, but about the future of the Faith and the Church. I know, I know, “the gates of hell will not prevail,” however, in my head it sounded like the teacher from Charlie Brown’s Peanuts, “blah, blah, blah, blah.”

I feared how my children and those I taught would stay strong in the truths of Faith when the world appeared to be winning the battle for souls.

So how do you impart wisdom and the joy of the truths of the Catholic Faith on others when you cannot feel it in your own heart? This was my constant question. To find the answers I went to Mass.

I watched and participated; I felt empty and alone. I listened and prayed; I didn’t hear God’s voice. Still, I trusted. Eventually, I discovered an analogy that seemed to fit. I felt as if I wanted a face-to-face confession, but had been placed behind the screen instead. I wanted, no… needed, to see the priest’s body language and even his affection for me as a person and yet, I wasn’t able to. I couldn’t seem to peek around the screen to get a glimpse. In this thought, I realized that the priest was still there. My confession would still be valid. I would still be forgiven. Spiritual darkness does not take away the validity of my faith. It may make it harder to pick up on the little clues I have become accustomed to receiving from God, nonetheless the grace is still there. Luckily for me, for all of us, my joy in the Lord is not rooted in emotion, but in the hope of eternal life with Him. I can catechize with love, understanding and wisdom even if I am not receiving the gift of feeling God’s presence.

I turned to the examples of the Saints, especially calling on Saint Mother Teresa, who suffered through years of her own darkness, to fulfill her promise “If I ever become a saint—I will surely be one of ‘darkness,’” Mother Teresa wrote in September of 1959. “I will continually be absent from heaven—to light the light of those in darkness on earth.” I pray that she will help me now and that the darkness will not inhibit my ability to propagate the Faith.

Healing the Wounds of a “Create-Yourself” Culture: Part III- Outreach

By Maureen Smith

Once we are ready to reach out to those suffering from addiction, abuse, or any other pain, and we have discerned that the Lord is calling this ministry, it is good to take inventory.

Each community has a different demographic with different resources available, so it is always helpful to do a bit of research. For example, if you notice a need to help adolescent girls struggling with body image – take a look at what is already offered. Are there workshops, educational resources, therapists, dieticians, or other organizations and providers that can help? Are there professionals and volunteers that can join your initiative if you are starting something yourself?

Another tip, especially for adolescents and teens, is finding positive influences to counter the negative messages they are constantly receiving. I have heard of modesty fashion shows, group exercise classes followed by body image talks, cooking classes, fun runs, and other group activities aimed at building self-esteem and promoting self-care, in addition to providing the spiritual component which is the most essential piece. The key is to find a strategy to replace what is destructive e.g. media, magazines, clothes, and replace those negative influences with believable, relevant, and genuinely positive influences that will speak to the age group and culture.

Most importantly, your role as a catechist, youth minister, parent, etc. is to love them where they are wounded- to be Christ to them. Just as Christ has come to us and revealed His love for us, we are now called to share this Good News. The challenge, as I am sure all of you know, is to “re-propose” these truths of the Gospel in ways they can hear it, amidst the ear buds, “beats,” and bluetooths.

It may seem counter-intuitive, but this culture- more than anything else- needs to hear that they are loved, that they are loved with the “flaws” they may see in themselves, and even despite the flaws other people see in them. Underneath the make-up, clothing (or lack-thereof), dyed hair, piercings, tattoos, and bad attitudes is a wounded and lonely heart. Underneath the quiet, seemingly perfect kids who “have it all together” is a heart trembling from uncertainty and potential failure. Every person in this world craves love, and as “missionary disciples,” to quote a Pope Francis-ism, we are called to offer that love we have first received.

Being who you are, comfortable with how God made you, and living with a spirit of joy and gratitude is the best gift you can give. The Lord fills a heart prepared to receive Him, transforms it, and makes it a Tabernacle to whom those who need the Lord can find a home. I pray that the light of Christ which dwells in your hearts becomes a source of grace for all of those you encounter.