NFP/Chastity Archives - Amazing Catechists

HOT TOPIC: Same-Sex Attraction (SSA)

I’d like to introduce this topic by saying that I believe, personally, that there are many possible roads leading to the experience of SSA. For some, it is emotional/physical deprivation or abuse that creates the deep-seated need for same-sex affirmation and affection, but for many young people raised in loving homes, it may be cultural influences bearing down through indoctrination, peer example, and the destruction of intimate friendships by an over-sexualized society. I’m not an expert, so feel free to disagree with me, but this 3-minute video, created by a young woman who has identified a clear path to her SSA, uses “spoken word” (rhythmic, like rap) to powerfully express her legitimate, personal experience. Please share it around.

Marriage Memes: Natural Family Planning

By Karee Santos

Although many dioceses require a class in Natural Family Planning as part of pre-Cana instruction, it may be too late at that point. Many engaged couples have already made their decisions about their sexuality and their fertility long ago. They may have been living together, sleeping together, and using contraception to prevent pregnancy for years. That’s why NFP advocates suggest spreading information on how to care for your body and your fertility at a much younger age, either in the teens or early twenties.

These graphics on Natural Family Planning are appropriate for use in catechetical instruction even before pre-Cana. But of course, they’re great for marriage prep, too. Quotes are from Chapter 8 of The Four Keys to Everlasting Love: How Your Catholic Marriage Can Bring You Joy for a Lifetime. Feel free to use and share them. And you’re welcome to join the online discussion of The Four Keys on Facebook.

Meme #1: Catechism

Meme #2: Scripture

Meme #3: Quote from Four Keys

Meme #4: Pope Quote

Meme #5: Action Plan

Printable Worksheets on NFP, Contraception & IVF #freebie #4KEYS

By Karee Santos

Many Catholics don’t understand the value of Natural Family Planning, and even fewer use it (about 2% by some accounts). Even fewer are aware of the Catholic Church’s principled objection to techniques such as in vitro fertilization. These teachings can be hard to transmit, because they are hard for people to hear, especially couples who are struggling with infertility and desperately want their own child. But as one couple told us in a pre-Cana class we were teaching, “if you don’t tell us, who will?”

We included what we felt to be a gentle yet crystal clear explanation of the Church’s position on NFP, contraception, and IVF in Chapter 8 of The Four Keys to Everlasting Love: How Your Catholic Marriage Can Bring You Joy for a Lifetime. Please get your copy, read along, and join in the discussion with the 4 Keys Online Book Club on Facebook. FOR A PRINTER-FRIENDLY VERSION OF THE WORKSHEET, CLICK HERE.

Chapter 8

Turning the Fear of Fertility into a Total Gift of Self:
Finding a Better Alternative to Artificial Birth Control & IVF

According to Pope Francis, when we rob sexual acts of their natural fruitfulness by using contraception, we disfigure married love (Amoris Laetitia, 80). But 75% of sexually active Catholics use artificial birth control, according to one 2006-2010 study. So what’s causing the major disconnect between what the Church teaches and what vast numbers of Catholics actually do? One big cause is fear.

Women especially are taught to fear their fertility during their teen years when adults (with the best of intentions) warn of the dangers of premarital sex. In addition, many couples worry about the impact of children on finances or career plans. “Women can be put into a state of constantly fighting their fertility, chemically suppressing it when it’s at its height and then trying to jump-start it as it diminishes,” say Manny and Karee in Chapter Eight of The Four Keys.

Natural Family Planning (or NFP) assists women in breaking that vicious cycle. NFP encourages the mindset that fertility is a great blessing. It helps couples to avoid or achieve pregnancy in an effective, safe, ethical, and relatively inexpensive way. And it helps them develop the gift of sexual self-control. In Chapter Eight, Manny and Karee offer scads of helpful information on contraception, NFP, and IVF, including:

the medical dangers of artificial birth control
the financial, emotional, and ethical downsides to IVF
the advantages of using NFP to achieve or avoid pregnancy
selecting the right method of NFP to fit your lifestyle

Conversation Starters

You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going between yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.

1. Do you and your spouse agree on the morality of contraception? If you don’t, how do you cope with this disagreement?

2. What have you heard (good and bad) about NFP?

3. Do you or anyone you know use NFP? What were the most powerful reasons influencing the choice to use NFP?

4. Which NFP method do you think might work best for you and why?

Gospel Shock and the Theology of the Body

By Lisa Mladinich

CATECHIST AND PARENT ALERT: I invited Bill Donaghy, a Curriculum Specialist, Instructor, and Speaker for the Theology of the Body Institute to give us a quick summary of some of the ideas behind the TOB and the Institute’s upcoming congress.

Lisa: Hey, Bill! Thank you, so much, for taking the time to lay a foundation for our readers in understanding what the TOB is all about and learning more about the upcoming TOB Congress.

Briefly, what is the Theology of the Body?

Bill: The Theology of the Body is a refreshed, renewed vision of the beauty and dignity of the human person and our universal call to love and communion, which is written in our very sexuality as male and female. It is a penetrating series of meditations on both Sacred Scripture and human experience by St. John Paul II that reveals our fundamental call to become a gift, and through this gift, to fulfill the very meaning of our being and existence!

Lisa: Sounds incredibly rich. What is the Theology of the Body Institute?

Bill: The Theology of the Body Institute is a 501(c)3non- profit, educational organization promoting the Theology of the Body at the popular level of both the Christian and the secular cultures. Through graduate level courses, on-site programs and clergy training, Theology of the Body Institute seeks to penetrate and permeate the culture with a vision of true sexuality that appeals to the deepest yearnings of the human heart for love and union.

Lisa: Would you share the journey that led you to work at the Theology of the Body Institute?

Bill: I was privileged to be a part of the World Mission Jubilee in Rome in the year 2000. By “chance” I was chosen to represent the United States along with 11 other representatives from other countries as a symbolic image echoing the original 12 apostles. We were seated near St. John Paul II for the World Mission Sunday Mass in St. Peter’s on October 22, and each received personally from him a mission cross which he placed over our heads. He said that we must “bring Jesus back to our country.” Needless to say, I was ruined after that day! How could I not dedicate my life to the New Evangelization? I found myself consuming his written works, and speaking around my little part of the world about the great things God was doing in the world. This mission spread throughout the USA, and when the Theology of the Body Institute was formed, I was invited to become a speaker for the Institute on St. John Paul II’s beautiful teaching the Theology of the Body. It was the most natural progression for me. God placed it on my heart, all I had to do was say YES!

Lisa: What an incredible witness. I know so many people whose lives were transformed by contact with St. John Paul II.

What is the greatest need in our culture today?

Bill: Great question, and I think it’s a simple answer. We need communion. We need to see and know each other, to love each other. St. Augustine said it best over 1600 years ago! “The deepest desire of the human heart is to see another and to be seen.” I think our over-stimulated, techno-holic culture has become so obsessed with screens and gadgets and quick downloads, we’ve forgotten this most basic human need… to see and to be seen. To know and be known by another. This takes time, and vulnerability, and honesty. But it so slakes the thirst of our hearts for communion!

Lisa: Great point. In teaching young people, we really need to meet them where they’re at and find a way past their screens.

What motivates you to do what you do?

Bill: I guess I’m motivated by beauty, ultimately. The beauty of life, of creation, of other people, and of God Who I think is playing a kind of “hide and seek” behind and through it all with us. The Theology of the Body has really been such a personal gift for me, to see with this kind of “sacramental vision.” It’s captivating to think and to experience that everything speaks; literally everything can become a vehicle for God to communicate His Mystery to us, culminating in the Eucharist. Life is such a gift. It becomes a romance when we realize He is the Lover seeking us His beloved.

Lisa: Amen! Take this even further for us; explain, using your own experiences, how you have found that every human heart has the same desires?

Bill: I think it’s been my own love of music, and art, and movies that has helped me to plug into this universal ache for communion and love that we all feel. It was Van Morrison’s tune “Into the Mystic” that really moved me as a young man. I think I was 16 years old. I felt this pull in the center of my chest into something, Someone, that was so big. Much bigger than me! Bigger than I could contain actually. It was scary, and beautiful, all at the same time. Then you read your philosophers (the ancients are the most clear headed I think). And the poetry, and the love that makes saints and mystics. You start to see our beautiful diversity but in and through our unified desire for a oneness. Our hearts are restless, Augustine said, until they rest in Him. I have found this to be profoundly true.

Lisa: The news is awful, these days. How might we unite beauty and suffering in our broken world?

Bill: You just have to watch the most beautiful movie that was ever made (which is about suffering) and you’ll get it: The Passion of the Christ. You’ll find that authentic beauty gives you in fact a kind of pain. The pain of longing that says “You were made for more. This world cannot contain your heart! Listen, and even in sorrow, hope!” To quote Dostoyevsky, “In the end, Beauty will redeem the world!”

Lisa: Can you explain what a Culture of Life is and what it looks like?

Bill: I think an authentic Culture of Life is a place where the other person is more important than me. It’s a place that rejoices in life, in beauty, in innocence, in the wisdom of old age, in our strength and in our vulnerability. The Culture of Life is anything but boring! It sees everything as a gift, and all of those gifts are calls for us to rise up and out of ourselves for others. That’s really why we are here after all! We are here to be a gift and to see others as a gift.

Lisa: Do you think the general attitude towards sex and sexuality is improving or getting worse?

Bill: Well, that’s a tricky question. I used to think it couldn’t get much worse, but I think the saying is true, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” We have so disintegrated our identity, our hearts and our bodies and our souls. We are seeking meaning and purpose and a point to it all, and that’s a good thing! I just think that there’s really only one place left to go: to the healing. The prodigal son at some point, turned around and made the journey home. I think the general attitude towards sex is starting to reveal its utter shame and hollowness. We are still hungry. We need redirection, a sexual reorientation. And the Father is running out to meet us, in the body, with St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body! What a grace-filled time to be alive!

Lisa: I agree, totally. Do you think the teachings of Saint John Paul II have the power to restore our culture and build a Culture of Life?

Bill: I have absolutely no doubt that Theology of the Body is the antidote. After my first encounter with it in a Catholic bookstore at age 16, in 1986, and a reawakening after many years (in 2000), it has spoken to my heart and healed me. It has a powerful grace in it, a gospel shock, a solidity and a weight of glory that is exactly what our tired world is looking for. God gives the Church just what She needs when she needs it. All we have to do now is open up our hearts, and receive it.

Lisa: A lot of people are really excited about the 2016 TOB Congress. Tell us why it’s causing such a buzz.

Bill: This is an incredible opportunity that offers everyone the chance to hear world-renowned speakers/experts on a variety of topics through the lens of TOB. Our theme this year is “Love, Mercy, and the Gift of the Family.” It will take place in Ontario, California. Some of our speakers are SR. HELENA BURNS, BRIAN BUTLER, JASON EVERT, MATT FRADD, ARCHBISHOP GOMEZ, SR. REGINA MARIE GORMAN, DR. JOHN GRABOWSKI, DAMON OWENS, MATT PINTO, JAKE SAMOUR, JEN SETTLE, DR. PIA DE SOLENNI, DR. EDWARD SRI, ROSE SWEET, CHRISTOPHER WEST, KATRINA J. ZENO, and more!

The talk categories include catechesis and evangelization, marriage and family, pastoral ministry, philosophy and theology: covering topics like married life, healing, divorce, same sex attraction, celibacy, kids and sex, the new feminism, daily life, the Eucharist, and more! You can learn more at TOBcongress.com

Lisa: Exceptional line-up! Thank you, Bill!

Gay Marriage, Love, and Lessons from Canada

By Lisa Mladinich

As a result of the Supreme Court’s new ruling, the American legal system now upholds a right to gay marriage, and Christians are bracing for widespread persecution and a whole new slippery-slope regarding human relationships. There is certainly enough recent data coming out of Canada to support these fears, so I’m not quibbling, believe me. But we Catholics and others who support traditional marriage have an important choice to make, right now.

We can indulge our fears of persecution and become angry, histrionic people, or we can be smart about this; we can seek instead to grow in holiness and live lives of radiant virtue. We can respond with wisdom, by living the way we are meant to live: with strong, Christ-centered marriages, families, and parishes; with the emphasis on virtue and sacrifice; with love and compassion for those who–for their own reasons–choose to describe us as enemies of equality and human dignity. Or, we can waste precious time and energy hyper-focusing on a crumbling culture that can offer us no solutions, while we become bitter people with nothing positive and uplifting to offer the world.

I don’t mean that we shouldn’t speak up; we absolutely should. And we will suffer for doing so. But God honors our acceptance of the cross and will bless our efforts, so this is not necessarily bad news. Instead of getting down about this new challenge to our values, let’s emphasize our common human dignity, rather than the issues that divide us. Our culture needs our example and our love of Jesus Christ, and I believe that many souls will eventually be persuaded, one way or another, by our witness, more than our arguments.

In 2005, the Canadian government approved gay marriage and soon afterward began an aggressive persecution of dissenters that continues to this day, including suppression of free speech on this issue. Having lived the persecutions that are undoubtedly heading our way, our neighbors to the north deserve a hearing. A Canadian website called, “Pursuit of Truth,” offers some simple strategies for an effective Catholic response to the new Constitutional amendment and humbly urges us to avoid hostility.

…we can respond to this in a way that will either bolster our Catholic community or work to annihilate it.

To Annihilate:
Hold angry marches and angry political-activism protests, and respond as though the world is coming to an end…If you respond in this way, many of your children (many of whom are already brainwashed in the ways of the world) will want nothing to do with the faith. In fact, this may solidify their opposition to the faith…(read more)

The article wisely calls for a shift of focus, away from divisive rhetoric and toward the cultivation of personal virtue and proactive strategies within the family. The writer warns Americans of some of the hardships that inevitably follow this particular legal shift and offers some parenting tips:

It will be soon illegal to speak in terms of morality, and/or that which might be “right” or “wrong”…Most importantly, be sure to raise your kids with the knowledge that their hearts and minds are being actively pursued by mainstream media. They will not be able to protect themselves from the propaganda unless they are aware that they are being targeted. Help them to understand that their identity is first and foremost within their faith, and model for them rites of passage into adulthood that are anchored in growing in the faith…Above all, this needs to be anchored in virtue, for it is the growth in virtue that diminishes the power of evil.

Here’s the good news:

Virtue in Canada
In Canada, I can attest to you – where the critical mass of the Catholic population has come alive in it’s love for virtue, the movement towards gay marriage (and the brainwashing of our youth) loses all of it’s momentum. Today in Canada, in these areas where virtue is celebrated and desired, we have kids who experience same-sex attractions who are wanting to be servants of Jesus Christ in the way they are called in this time and age, even with the knowledge of the forthcoming suffering, and who are finding their identity within the Catholic faith…

Read the rest here.

Like most Catholics, I dearly love people in my life who self-identify as “gay” or “lesbian,” and I feel no hostility toward them or their partners, at all. It’s important to note that most Catholics, even those who (like me) support traditional marriage, take a live-and-let-live attitude toward same-sex couples. We’re not out to get them, we don’t want to rob them of whatever happiness they have found in each other, and we’re not trying to torment them with guilt feelings. With the exception of a few fringe religious groups whose attitude is more militant and less accepting, most of us are pretty willing to be kind and compassionate toward other good people, in the face of a huge range of individual value systems and preferences.

My kind, caring nephew asked me what I did want for “gay” people, and I said approximately this:

“I want them to be drawn by their hearts to a profound love for God, so that they are willing to do anything or sacrifice anything to be close to him and in right relationship with him. If that happens, they will be truly happy.”

I know this is true, because several of my friends have experienced this call to be filled up with the love of God and have left the gay lifestyle, after many years of living it to the full. They are deeply joyful men and testify to a happiness they didn’t think was possible. Project COURAGE has been a haven of friendship and support for them, as well as their loved ones. Please pray for these men and women, whose sacrificial love for God is one of the greatest testaments to hope I have ever witnessed.

I’d like to be crystal clear that I believe that living in peace with those who differ with our values does not mean that we should be forced to agree with them and support everything they do, especially when it conflicts with our religious beliefs. With this SCOTUS decision comes open season on our right to disagree, and it concerns me, especially as a mother whose child will face a very different world, extremely hostile to her faith. So we have to ask ourselves the big question:

Will we have the courage to love, no matter what?

(This article is cross-posted from my blog, Water into Wine, at Patheos.com)

see also: When You Wake Up in The Morning, God Will Still Be in Control, by Kathy Schiffer

“The Antidote to #50Shades of Degradation: TOB Fiction!”

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

There’s nothing I like better than to curl up on a comfy chair (or the end of a dock) with a good book. I’ve been an avid reader since I was seven years old. I remember the first time my father took me to the library to get a library card. “You mean I can take any book I want?”

“Sure,” he said, “you can take up to four, but we’re just borrowing them. You have to bring them back in three weeks.”

I remember the joy I felt upon returning home to spend hours reading those four books.

By the time I was a teen, before my re-version, I devoured trashy, explicit romance novels (all available at the public library) like they were candy.

The 50 Shades books are quite popular and the movie is coming out just in time for Valentine’s Day. Women and men of all ages are devouring these books that promote illicit lifestyles, domination and abuse of women. It’s sad, really, but not surprising given our current culture of death and “anything goes” secular society.

Like anyone, I love a good story, but I especially enjoy a compelling romance or suspense novel. As I grew in my faith, I no longer wanted to read fiction with explicit sex scenes or novels that promoted abuse of women. So I began seeking out Christian fiction. However, I yearned to read good, compelling fiction with Catholic themes.

In response to this desire, I started writing my first novel, Emily’s Hope, in 2001. Not only did I want to write a compelling story, I also wanted to include information on the Theology of the Body and Natural Family Planning. If I was going to write a novel, I wanted to write one that had the potential of evangelizing. Admittedly, this book’s target audience is small (NFP teachers love it), so I decided to widen my audience, improve my writing and include the Catholic/Theology of the Body themes in a less overt way.

Since then, I’ve written four more books and each one has been on various Amazon bestseller lists. My newest novel, A Subtle Grace, just hit #1 in Christian Historical Fiction, Christian Historical Romance and Christian Romance. And my publishing company now publishes other authors’ novels.

St. John Paul II said we can “overcome evil with good.” Here is a list of contemporary Catholic novels with Theology of the Body themes that can uplift, inspire and serve as an antidote to ALL the secular, trashy novels that promote illicit lifestyles. These novels encourage virtue rather than vice, respect rather than domination and love rather than lust.

Emily’s Hope (Ellen Gable, 2005, FQP)

Passport (Christopher Blunt, 2008, Pelican Crossing Press)

Midnight Dancers (Regina Doman, 2008, Chesterton Press)

In Name Only (Ellen Gable, 2009, FQP)

Stealing Jenny (Ellen Gable, 2011, FQP)

Finding Grace (Laura Pearl, 2012, Bezalel Books)

Angela’s Song (AnnMarie Creedon, 2012, FQP)

Rapunzel Let Down (Regina Doman, 2013, Chesterton Press)

Vingede (Friar Tobe #2) (Krisi Keley, 2013, S & H Publishing)

Don’t You Forget About Me (Erin McCole Cupp, 2013, FQP)

A Subtle Grace (Ellen Gable, 2014, FQP)

The Lion’s Heart (Dena Hunt, 2014, FQP)

A World Such as Heaven Intended (Amanda Lauer, 2014, FQP)

Working Mother (Erin McCole Cupp, 2014, FQ Publishing)

Do you have a favorite Catholic novel that is uplifting and edifying? Please feel free to comment below.

Image: Tim Baklinski (Two Trees Photography)

NFP Awareness Week: The Spiritual Works of Mercy

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

It’s NFP Awareness Week, so I’d like to share a post that discusses the Spiritual Works of Mercy with a Theology of the Body focus:

According to the Catholic encyclopedia, mercy is “a virtue influencing one’s will to have compassion for, and, if possible, to alleviate another’s misfortune.” The spiritual works of mercy are one way Catholics can show charity and compassion to others. Since my husband and I teach Natural Family Planning, we have always tried to practice the spiritual works of mercy through our NFP ministry. Many Catholics do not understand the Church’s teachings on sexuality. Mother Teresa once said, “If you judge someone, you have no time to love them,” Sharing the truth with charity and without judgment is extremely important.

Admonish the Sinner and Instruct the Ignorant
I often find myself in conversations about these intimate topics with acquaintances and relatives. For example, while I was attending a First Penance meeting with one of my sons, the instructor handed out a “Examination of Conscience” pamphlet. On page three, under “Thou Shall Not Kill,” sterilization was listed correctly as a mortal sin. The woman next to me gasped and whispered, “I thought the Church changed her teaching on this. I had my tubes tied and didn’t know it was wrong.” I then gently said, “The Church has never changed this teaching. Birth control and sterilization have always been considered mortal sins.” The woman glanced away, then turned back to me, tears in her eyes. I patted her shoulder, then said, “You know, if you didn’t realize it was wrong, then it’s not a mortal sin.” I pointed out the section in the “Examination of Conscience” pamphlet which stated that all three of these conditions need to be in place for mortal sin: it must be 1) serious matter, 2) the person must know it is serious and then 3) freely commit it. I strongly encouraged her to seek spiritual direction from a faithful priest. When she left the meeting, she thanked me.

Counsel the Doubtful and Comfort the Sorrowful
A few years ago, when we were speaking at the local marriage prep course on “Sexual Honesty Within Marriage,” we talked about the importance of keeping the marital embrace free, total, faithful and “fruitful.” During the last part of the talk, we explained that contraception removes the fruitful aspect from the marital act. All of a sudden, a young woman rushed out of the meeting room, in tears. James and I continued our talk while one of the other host couples followed her, but we were concerned. After the talk, I immediately went to speak to the woman. I learned that she was the mother of a 13-year-old daughter from a teenage relationship. The young woman shared that she was currently in remission from terminal cancer. Because of the aggressive treatment, her doctors told that she would not have any more children. She told me that it upset her to hear the suggestion that her marriage might not be “fruitful” since she and her fiancé would never have children. (Of course, we didn’t say that in our talk, but this is how she interpreted it). She admitted that she had mistakenly thought she had already dealt with the fact that she and her future husband would not be having children together. But our talk seemed to bring her sadness and regret to the surface. She then sobbed and I embraced her as she released emotions that had obviously been pent up for a while. When she stopped crying, I explained that fruitfulness was much more than giving birth to children. We discussed adoption. We talked about the fruitfulness of being a good example as well as other ways she and her husband could be ‘fruitful” in their marriage. After the course finished that evening, she came up to me, hugged me and thanked me for being so “kind.”

Bear Wrongs Patiently, Forgive all Injuries
Bearing wrongs patiently has never been something I have done well. And the following example shows that not everyone I “admonish” or “instruct” has been open to the information.

Ten years ago, a woman called for NFP counseling. She and her husband had taken an NFP class years earlier. Her husband, she said, had made an appointment for a vasectomy and he had indicated the decision was not up for debate. After using NFP for many years, he no longer had any patience for the abstinence it entailed. The wife sounded like she was crying. “What can I do to stop him?” she asked. I spoke with her, then sent her information on the moral, spiritual and physical implications of sterilization. I encouraged her to seek spiritual direction from a faithful priest I knew in the area. Four different times we spoke on the phone, her tone frantic and desperate. Finally, she stopped calling. I continued to pray for this couple. Some months later, she called to inform me that her husband had indeed gone through with the vasectomy and they were now ‘very happy.’ She wanted me to know that, although she knew I didn’t agree with ‘their’ decision, she had come to accept it and that it had been the ‘right’ thing for them.

Admittedly, I have no idea what happened in between her frantic calls and the vasectomy. I suspect she never called the faithful priest I recommended. However, I calmly responded, “But sterilization is against the fifth commandment as well as the sixth, it separates a couple…it causes an increase in prostate cancer, it – ” She cut me off by angrily telling me that she only called to inform me, not to hear what the Church teaches, that she already knew that. Her husband then got on the phone and yelled at me, his tone sharp, accusing me of trying to “sabotage” his marriage. I listened, heart pounding, as he screamed at me over the phone. It took a lot of self-control not to hang up nor respond to his verbal abuse. I prayed and waited until he stopped yelling, although by that point, I was nearly in tears and my hands were trembling. Then I said, my voice breaking, “I will pray for you and I wish you both well…goodbye.” My hands shaking, I hung up the phone and cried. I forgave them long ago for their verbal abuse, and I have prayed for them from time to time, but I’ve always wondered how they are doing.

Pray for the Living and the Dead
Prayer is so powerful, more powerful than any of us can ever imagine. Even if you’re not comfortable speaking up, you can always pray for anyone at anytime. Praying for others is an important part of the spiritual works of mercy. I pray daily that more couples can discover the joy of following the Church’s teachings on sexuality by learning NFP: to be chaste before marriage, to be generous and open to life within marriage. I pray for all the student couples to whom we have taught NFP over the years. I pray for the engaged couples who have listened to our testimony and talks at marriage prep courses. I offer up many prayers for relatives and friends who have chosen to lead alternate lifestyles, and those deceased ancestors and relatives who were not faithful to the Catholic Church’s beautiful teachings of sexuality.

Practicing the spiritual works of mercy through the Theology of the Body is an ideal way to show charity and compassion to others. It’s not always easy to do. However, I know that, for me, it is the right thing to do, even if the person or persons are not open to the message. The truth is, we never know when a seed of truth will be planted and someone will experience a change of heart.

Photo credit: James Hrkach (2013)

Getting Ready to Teach: What You Wear to Class Matters

By Jennifer Fitz

As the new school year approaches, I’ve been thinking about the guidelines for the teachers and assistants in the small apostolate I help run. A topic I didn’t broach last year but will this time around: Clothes.

I’m not a fashion person. No one looks to me for wardrobe advice, except maybe if they’re required to do a character sketch of frumpy middle-aged absent-minded housewives. But even I know that what we wear when we teach matters. If someone like me gives serious thought to clothing before I teach, that means it must be important.

Why Do Clothes Matter?

It is absolutely true that outward appearances can be deceptive, and that the most important parts of catechesis happen on our insides, in our hearts, minds, and souls. But humans are both body and soul, physical beings, and we use our bodies to express ourselves, relate to others, and accomplish our work. Our clothing matters for very practical reasons, because we need to be able to move around and do our jobs. It also matters in that what we wear teaches our students something about us. It tells our students what we value, and what kind of message we have for them.

First Things: Clothing Suited to the Job at Hand

Sometimes I joke that the cover art on my book is aspirational: Catechists have fantasies about being able to paint with preschoolers while keeping the white shirt impeccably clean. (Tip: Put on an apron.) In order to teach confidently, we need shoes and clothing that allow us to do our work. Comfortable shoes if you are on your feet a lot; clothing that lets you reach, bend, lift, walk, run, play; fabrics that can hold up to the rigors of teaching. If you know you’re going to have to get on your knees and scrub glitter glue off the floor after class, don’t wear delicates.

Professional Clothing Says You are Serious about Your Class

“Professional” is a broad category. My first job in college was at a whitewater outfitter. A well-chosen t-shirt and hiking shorts, paired with the right brand sport sandals, communicated credibility. “She really does this stuff. She knows what she’s talking about.” That was professional attire for that job. When I worked in a state government office several years later, business attire meant something completely different — I raided the local thrift store for good business-dress skirts and blouses.

There are catechists who rock the jeans-and-t-shirt look, and the message they send is one of confidence, enthusiasm, and competence. “I can fix your truck and your theology, too.” Some of us, though, just end up looking like we forgot to do the laundry. There are catechists who swear by coat-and-tie, and erring on the side of slightly overdressed is prudent in classes with older students and adults for whom the number one question is, “Is this instructor credible?” I would hazard the majority of us fall somewhere in between, on the vast spectrum that is “business casual”.

Two questions to ask are:

1. Does this outfit make me feel serious about my work? What I’m wearing should make me feel confident that I can get the job done. I should feel smart, competent, and ready to teach.

2. Does this outfit communicate the right message? “Pretty” “Elegant” “Handsome” “Youthful” “Mature” “Sporty” “Modern” or “Stylish” are all fair game. If my clothing evokes words like “Sassy” “Sexy” “Flirty” “Edgy” or “Slacker,” I need to change.

There’s nothing at all wrong with dressing fashionably, so long as the fashion is consistent with our Christian values and with our role as classroom teachers. Our clothing should express our unique personalities; we need to make sure, however, that we’re expressing those parts of our personality that make us good Christian leaders.

Modest Clothing Teaches Children Boundaries

Modesty is the whole range of attitudes and actions that we use to communicate our respect for ourselves and for others. How we dress is not the only aspect of modesty, but it is an important element. In the religious education classroom, dressing modestly also plays a significant role in teaching children about appropriate physical boundaries.

In sum: If we want children to understand and internalize the line between public and private body parts, we need to consistently demonstrate that distinction in our clothing.

Your parish or diocese may have a dress code, and in that case you’ll follow it, of course. For the rest of us, a simple rule is this:

Don’t put on display for your students any body part or undergarment that a priest should never be allowed to touch.

Your students are trying to figure out the line between appropriate and inappropriate touch. A mother breastfeeds her baby, that’s appropriate. The nursery staff change the baby’s diaper, the doctor has to do a physical exam, the gymnast wears form-fitting clothing so that the judges can see precise body movements. All of these are appropriate.

The classroom, the office, the sacristy: These are times and places when there is no appropriate reason for an adult (or fellow student) to be touching or looking at a school-age child’s private body parts.

If that sounds like blunt work, well yes, it is. Children don’t have a finely tuned sense of adult intentions, and predators take advantage of that ignorance. Dressing modestly on a consistent basis literally creates a boundary line, a do-not-cross line, that gives the child a sense of confidence about right and wrong actions.

Does it work? I know for a fact that when combined with all the other things that parents and teachers do to teach children personal safety and create a safe environment, yes, it does indeed work.

Bring Joy to Your Classroom

It is not necessary to spend a lot of money on new clothes for the new school year. Figuring out what to wear this year shouldn’t be a cause of agony and dread. Christianity is not a fashion show. Neat, clean, ready to do the job — that’s the essential. Dig through the closet and put together something that makes you feel confident, professional, and excited about the first day of class.

Photo: teachers in Parramatta Diocese in Australia

Marriage Only Has Meaning if It’s a Lifelong Commitment

By Jennifer Fitz

Adriana Cohen at the Boston Herald surveys all the heartbreak in the world, and proposes that marriage licenses be issued for ten years, renewable. This is my reply. Prayers for a blessed Valentine’s Day, Adriana.

Dear Adriana,

This past weekend my husband and I lay in bed together, the lights dim, the room quiet, his head against my side. And he was crying. We were in the emergency room observation ward. He’d stopped in to check on me in between getting groceries, cleaning the house, and taking care of the kids. Like most men, when there’s a task in front of him, he’s good at setting aside his emotions and doing what needs to be done. But like any decent man, he also loves his wife dearly.

He’d die for me, I’m sure of it.

Are we extraordinary? No. We’re not. We’re a man and a woman who really liked each other, and so we got married.

If we’d gotten married under your ten-year-plan, I’m sure we’d have been married ten years and called it quits. We went through some difficult times at about the four-year mark, and if we hadn’t both been committed to lifelong marriage, we would have given it up then. I recall year twelve wasn’t so easy either. Frankly year seventeen or so is when we finally worked through a few of those problems that would have been the end of our marriage if only we’d believed in ending marriages.

The very fact that we knew we had to stay together is the reason our marriage is so beautiful and intimate. It’s the reason our children have happy parents who love one another, and do their best to create a joyful, peaceful home.

This is what marriage is. It’s not a hobby that you take up for a bit and then leave off when it gets old. It’s not a business partnership, or even an ordinary friendship. And even though we did a bunch of dumb stuff when we were young, the very fact that we both knew marriage ought to be lifelong meant that we worked pretty hard at choosing a spouse we’d want to be with lifelong.

Can you know the future? No, you can’t. Can you be utterly deceived by a sociopath in courtly disguise? Yes, you can. Bad things, terrible things, can happen when you live dangerously. Marriage is not about living cautiously. It’s about discerning carefully, and then throwing yourself in whole heartedly.

You hold hands and jump over the ledge together, and there’s no going back. It’s not a vacation, it’s a lifelong quest.

I’m sorry that you are so afraid of marriage. I’m sorry that someone’s given you the idea that all you can have is a very nice boyfriend. I’m sorry you don’t think it’s possible that a man could love you so much that he’d give anything – anything – to have just one more day with you.

But you really are that lovable.

Don’t sell yourself short.

Jennifer.

Starting out with Sin?

By Mary Lou Rosien

For those of you who haven’t heard, my daughter is getting married!!! We are crazy about the man she is engaged to (how can you not love a man who started out their relationship by pledging to my husband that he would protect our daughter and her chastity at all costs… yup, that happened). Their first decision, after deciding to get married, was to schedule their Pre-Cana classes (coincidently, my husband and I are on the Pre-Cana teaching team). They are eager to start their marriage out on the best spiritual ground they can. My daughter has already begun Natural Family Planning classes, so that she will be fully prepared for all aspects of their married life.

I can’t help but contrast their experience to so many of the couples my husband and I teach at Pre-Cana. One couple planned every aspect of their wedding day, but forgot to sign up for Pre-Cana (we accommodated them by having a special session the week before they got married).

The other thing we witness, are the couples who have the beautiful and blessed wedding Mass, only to skip Mass on the first Sunday they are married, which is a mortal sin according to the teachings of the Church.

If they contracept on their wedding night, they have already broken the wedding vow of being open to life (often part of the spoken vows the priest reiterates in the ceremony). In order for a marriage to be a true Sacrament, the Church teaches it must be Faithful, Fruitful (open to life), Permanent, and Freely undertaken! How sad to diminish that Sacrament on the first night of married life.

Do they even realize that they have begun their married life with two serious sins on their souls, blemishing their marriage?

If we are to truly support our young couples, we must instruct them well in the teachings of the Church. Their marriages will be strengthened by understanding what a Sacramental marriage should be and how to accomplish it, thereby attaining the grace needed for a happy and fulfilling life together. Married life is a gift and a vocation, and should be entered into with all the information and faith formation that we accept for other Sacraments.

I look forward to celebrating this Sacrament with my daughter, her future husband, and his family. I pray they will be blessed abundantly.