About Mary Lou Rosien

Mary Lou Rosien is a Catholic, Wife and Mother to seven children plus one foster-son. She is an author and the RCIA Coordinator at St. Leo's Church in Hilton, NY. She writes for AC in between loads of laundry, driving around kids and speaking engagements.

Courageous Choices; Conversations about Same Sex Attraction

By Mary Lou Rosien

I recently had the opportunity to hear a speaker at a youth event from Courage International. Courage is a Roman Catholic Apostolate, “whose members are men and women who experience same-sex attractions and who have made a commitment to strive for chastity. They are inspired by the Gospel call to holiness and the Catholic Church’s beautiful teachings about the goodness and inherent purpose of human sexuality.”

These are difficult times for catechists. What the Catholic Church teaches regarding sexuality is opposed to what society is forcing on our students. Teaching the beauty of authentic love (during a time when the daily news cycle demonstrates that some within the Church did not faithfully live that teaching) is difficult. Courage International teaches Catholic truth without apology. What can catechists learn from this?

Teach Truth with Love

I was impressed by the love and compassion expressed by the speaker towards those who are struggling with same-sex attraction. He emphasized that we must change this discussion from homosexuality to human sexuality; “The truth spoken without love is more dangerous than a thousand lies, but love spoken without truth is the most dangerous lie of all,” he stated.

He further explained that gender is an important part of this new discussion on sexuality. Then pointing out that we know gender is eternal when you consider the examples of Jesus’ Ascension and Mary’s Assumption ~ when their earthly bodies, male and female, entered heaven! We understand that the resurrection of the body is of the body God gave us. This body will someday be in heaven; we cannot ignore how important God’s design of the human body is. This is completely counter to what society is currently saying regarding gender fluidity (the idea that gender is not set).

It is important to reject straw-man arguments that begin, “The Church should be more welcoming to (LGBTQ) people.” The Catholic Church welcomes ALL people! It is important to meet everyone where they are, but throughout history the Church has led people to a better place, a place of holiness. Jesus always showed love to people struggling with life choices, then he encouraged them to, “go and sin no more.” Catechists must teach as Jesus did.

Teach Facts not Emotions

In a thoughtful article regarding gender fluidity and science, Margaret Wente states:

‘It seems ridiculous to have to argue this, but the science is settled. The two biological sexes (and there are only two) are broadly (though by no means perfectly) coterminous with gender. This holds for nearly every species in the animal kingdom, even us, and for all societies on Earth. Close to 100 percent of the human race is born with a set of either male or female chromosomes. A small number of people are born with chromosomal and/or reproductive abnormalities, and these people are commonly identified as “intersex.”

If a person is convinced that they are attracted to the same sex, we must emphasize that many behaviors we are drawn to may be unhealthy for us. For example, certain people are predisposed to alcoholism, but we do not encourage people to be alcoholics because it would not be best for them. That is precisely why the Catholic Church teaches that chastity is the only healthy (physical and spiritual) option for someone who is attracted to the same sex.

Provide a Safe, Truth-Filled Environment

The Courage International Speaker put forth the theory that we have become a co-dependent society, enabling a dysfunction rather than teaching truth and helping others. Any catechist/youth minister who works with young people may be able to recognize the contrast in how truth is currently defined by society. Compare how we handle a young person with anorexia to one struggling with same-sex attraction or gender confusion. We would never just say that a person with anorexia is “born that way” (although they may be biologically predisposed to that disorder) or that we should “accept their reality.” We recognize that the young person’s behavior may be damaging or dangerous for their future well-being. We speak truth and we guide those young people towards assistance in working through difficult issues.

The question is not which gender you are or what sex you are attracted to; the question is, Do you know your value and worth exactly the way God created you? He has a purpose for each of you just the way you are. How do we help our students realize the part they play in this beautiful plan?

Know the Causes of Confusion

The speaker expressed the idea that sometimes, in searching for love and companionship, young people who have an early, pleasurable physical experience can identify that with a particular sexual persuasion, just because the tactile senses were triggered in a positive way. Many sexual experiences do give us positive feelings; that alone should not be a determining factor when considering sexuality.

Catechists should encourage young people to focus on developing as human beings, rather than trying to identify themselves first as sexual beings. Many of these young people are stating a sexual preference (or preferred gender identity) before they have even reached puberty, much less completed the process of full brain development (at around age 24 years). Many studies show that (especially in the area of gender confusion) young people will eventually identify sexually with their appropriate gender by their early twenties. A recent article by the American College of Pediatricians lists the serious concerns about the dangers of gender ideology when dealing with children.

Know and Teach the Authentic Needs of Each Person

In conclusion, there are four authentic needs and opposite desires that we should consider when assisting young people in these struggles:

Love vs. Lust (focused on self, immediate gratification, wanting what God does not want for you)
Belonging vs. Possessing (or being possessed)
Self-Worth vs. Ego (self-absorption)
Freedom vs. Bondage (to sin, bad choices, or a lifestyle)

Model Positive Behavior

Many of our students have not had good role models and peer models. They may not have been exposed to healthy examples of relationships. We can live our lives as the counter-narrative to what our students are seeing on television, in school, and possibly even at home. Above all, we can pray, demonstrate chaste and appropriate love/concern, and remind ourselves that authentic love will change things.

Meet Two Teens who use Social Media to Evangelize

By Mary Lou Rosien

Freeimages.com/luisosorio

There are a few strong voices in the world of Teen Catholic Social Media. I recently had the privilege of interviewing two of them for an article on Catechist.com, Jimmy Reynolds, @litcatholicmemes on Instagram and Peter Burleigh of @Jesufex (Young Catholics) on Twitter. I wanted to share some of the insights they shared with me.

Why did you start your page?

I wanted to start this page because I wanted to try to be a part of something where I could reach a large number of people and show them the faith. I loved seeing memes on Instagram, and I felt like there weren’t that many new Catholic memes being made, just a few old ones that got passed around a lot. I had a few ideas, so I decided to start a page. Now a year later, the ideas haven’t really stopped.
Jimmy R.

I always wrote down anything I thought to be interesting—perhaps a bit too meticulously. One day I realized that other people would probably want to hear what I’m hearing. After a bit of prayer and discernment (because it would not be a small commitment if there were an audience—I would be responsible if I led people the wrong way) I set up the account late one night. Then, whenever I got a hint of truth about the world or some whisper in prayer I shared it. It was always something basic: asking prayers for a friend, noting that God shows His love through making the sun rise every day, and perhaps a few Bible quotes. Over the years my knowledge of the Church and spirituality increased (a bit faster than I would have liked) and so I found that I never ran out of material to share. I love listening to talks and podcasts and so the small things I can wring out I hope to make a difference in the lives of people who follow me. Over time it has become easier to say more with fewer characters, suggesting bigger ideas with the same limit. Not that I’m a rock star at tweeting, but I go for that; I think it makes a difference when people are forced to stop and think about what I’m saying rather than get a message they’ve already heard. The last thing I want is to tweet platitudes.
Peter B.

What is the Goal of your page in terms of evangelization and catechesis?

They [other teens] don’t consider investing any time in the Church, because that’s not the lifestyle they wanna live. S,o I am hoping that by running my page, I can show people that you can live a life devoted to Christ, and still enjoy life here on earth, as that will ultimately lead you to the fulfillment of life in Heaven.
Jimmy R.

Young people are thirsting for real connection and faith that demands they change their lives. They don’t want a voice online telling them to frequent confession [that] only makes a difference in the world of the Internet. People change their lives more often through what they hear in person rather than what they read online. And this is an unfortunate difficulty because the amount [number] of solid parishes out there are too few. Young people want something more, but they don’t know how to go about finding it; in person is what hits hardest, but online is much easier. I think once we have the understanding that one voice amongst a million others is not going to do it. I think things like YouTube channels and other subscription programs (where a person is more isolated and has to go out of their way to pay attention) are effective; I think well-written blogs are effective, as are songs. If you want to be heard, go to the tower and not the market place. For those who want, my favorite resources are…Ascension Presents (YouTube), @emwilss (Instagram), @FrMatthewLC (Twitter), and definitely “The Crunch” and “Pints With Aquinas” Catholic podcasts.
Peter B.

What else do you want others to know?

I never would have thought I could make this many [memes], and it is truly a testament of God working and inspiring me with so many ideas. As long as He inspires me, I will keep making more. All glory to God.
Jimmy R.

Stick close to the Sacraments. Frequent Mass as often as you can; carpe those graces. Get cleaned up in reconciliation at least once a month. Keep close with the friends who lift you up. Spend time with your family as much as they annoy you. Look at beautiful things. Most importantly, disconnect from the Internet as often as possible so you’re in every moment of your own life. Never take yourself so seriously that you can’t laugh at yourself. The glory of God is man fully alive.
Peter B.

What Fatima Teaches about Sin

By Mary Lou Rosien

We have spent much of the past year (May 13th- October 13th) celebrating the 100th year Anniversary of the apparition of Our Lady to the children of Fatima, Portugal in 1917. One of the things that struck me in studying the story, is the apparent contradiction in tone between the way we talk about faith, especially sin, today and how Our Lady emphasized it then.

Currently, we often focus on “meeting people where they are” and helping them move (often very slowly) from sin to repentance and holiness. However, Our Lady was unafraid to show three young children the consequences of sin, by allowing them to experience visions of hell! What then is the message for us? Do we discuss the real possibility of hell or do we like to assume that everyone goes to heaven, regardless of their life choices, faith or lack thereof?

Perhaps we should return to an honest discussion of how our choices can lead us away from Christ and the need we have for the sacrament of Confession. Rather than just assume that God’s love covers a multitude of sins ( of course it does as His Mercy is endless), we should think about why we would rather offend the Lord we love, rather than amend our lives to try and please him. For more information on Fatima consider Jean Heimann’s new book, Fatima the Apparition that Changed the World, see review here.

Papal Correction; Necessary or Noise

By Mary Lou Rosien

Freeimages.com/ps

A group of over sixty Catholic priests and lay people has issued a formal correction to Our Pope. I have defended the Church. I have defended the Pope. I’m authentically Catholic and have taught faith for more than 40 years. I have read and for the most part defended Amoris Laetitia. Pope Francis has not changed Church teaching and that is a very important distinction.

Having said all that… AL has caused confusion and in some circles incorrect or improper formation in Catechesis. It is very difficult as a Catechist to teach without clarification in this confusion, and I have witnessed grave errors and an uptick in people making decisions about faith with uninformed or improperly formed consciences. This is a spiritual danger. If “cafeteria Catholics” pick and choose what teachings to follow–then the menu has been expanded.

In a recent blog Fr. Dwight Longnecker came to this analytical conclusion…

“My own take on this, therefore, is that I understand the need for the “encounter with Christ” as opposed to a faith that is merely propositional, but I also believe that without a clear affirmation of the propositions of our faith, the “encounter with Christ” becomes no more than a subjective religious experience.”

Yes, we are missionaries in the culture. Yes, we must meet people where they are, but we do not leave them there! Yes, God’s mercy is greater. Yes, the gates of hell will not prevail (Matt. 16:18), but we are in a spiritually dangerous place, currently.

We need clarity with charity. I don’t think this discussion is noise; I believe it may be necessary, and I pray Pope Francis will approach it as a loving shepherd and will reach out to the faithful who are truly trying to evangelize the world. That may be what he was doing when he addressed members of a Jesuit order in Columbia, as reported in the National Catholic Register Online:

“I like to repeat that to be a good theologian, beyond studying you have to be dedicated, awake and seize hold of reality; and you need to reflect on all of this on your knees.”

He said a pastor has to continually shift between three positions: “in front to mark out the road, in the middle, to know it, and at the back to ensure nobody falls behind and to let the flock seek the road.”

With prayerful concern for both the Holy Father and the good of the Church, it is my hope that these questions and concerns will one day be clarified, for the good of all.

Breakfast with Jesus; Why it is so Important

By Mary Lou Rosien

Freeimages.com/CMay

“Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.”” (John 21:12) During the weeks after Easter, we hear several references to Jesus eating with his disciples. This is important for two reasons, first, it reminds us that Jesus rises from the dead with his human body! The apostles were not seeing a ghost. Jesus ate with them. He is fully human and fully divine.

Equally important, Jesus feeds them! It had probably been a long night fishing and Our Lord provided for his friends’ physical needs as well as their spiritual ones. He feeds us in the Eucharist and through his word in the Gospel. He is still meeting our needs, finding us where we are… just as he found the apostles fishing.

There are two images of Christ that I find especially appealing; Our Lord cooking breakfast for his friends and when scripture describes him as “reclining at supper.” It is easy to focus solely on the divinity of Christ and forget his human friendships. I love to think of Jesus with his head tipped back in laughter, eyes sparkling and relishing the uniqueness and even quirkiness of his circle of friends. This is the Jesus who still lives, loves and has redeemed us. He is our Savior; he is also our friend.

We can help our children to understand the complicated issue of the two natures of Jesus by practicing a simpler version of Lectio Divina (read, meditate, pray and contemplate):

Read the Gospel stories of Jesus out loud.

Discuss eating breakfast with Jesus. (meditate)
What would you like Jesus to make you for breakfast?
Would you like fire-roasted fish, like the apostles did?
How does Jesus feed your soul as well as your need for physical nourishment?
Remember that Jesus calls the Eucharist “true food.” Why do you think He says that?

Pray!
Have the children ask Jesus what he wants them to see or hear in the story.

Consider acting out a breakfast with Jesus. (contemplate)
What person in the story would you be?
How would you feel about Jesus cooking for you?
Explain how Jesus is your friend.

Can Graduality Lead to Injustice?

By Mary Lou Rosien

I love the concept of graduality. As a Catechist, it appeals to me to meet people where they are in the journey and help them move towards full communion with the teachings of the Catholic Church. A pastoral approach can encourage and help form the consciences of those we encounter.

We see this play out with our PreCana couples. Many couples these days cohabit prior to marriage. With guidance, love and proper catechesis, they move towards a better understanding of the sacrament of matrimony. The hope is that they will amend their situation prior to marriage and enter into the sacrament with not only a clearer vision, but an openness in embracing the Catholic teaching about all the sacraments which will help them secure a valid union. If they are only told their situation is unacceptable, we may alienate them rather than using the opportunity to help them grow in faith.

This idea of the “Law of Gradualism” can be misused if we view it separate from the clear teachings of the Church. “The pastoral “law of gradualness”, not to be confused with the “gradualness of the law” which would tend to diminish the demands it places on us, consists of requiring a decisive break with sin together with a progressive path towards total union with the will of God and with his loving demands.” [Vademecum for Confessors 3:9].
This means that there must be not just a future intent to break from sin (eventually), but a true conversion by movement away from sin.

With this in mind, there is a concern with the way we approach bringing someone along in Faith if they are in a situation opposed to Catholic teaching. We need to first educate a person in what the Church teaches and then see some evidence of conversion, before we allow them to fully participate in Catholic life. If this is not carried out consistently we create an environment of inequality for those in our parishes.

If a person enters the RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) program, but is currently in an irregular marriage, they are not permitted to become Catholic until their situation is resolved. This can take from months to years, depending on the circumstances. This individual is encouraged to look at this time as a time of sacrifice, preparation and increased desire of the sacraments (much like a bride looks forward to her wedding day). However, if we allow a couple living together without the benefit of marriage (and no plans to marry) to enter full communion with the Church, because we are trying to ‘meet them where they are’ are we creating an unequal and unjust situation? Are not both people living outside the teachings of the Church? What about a person actively supporting abortion or promoting homosexual marriage or any other lifestyle that goes against Church teaching? These are grave sins, but do the people in the pews understand that? Should they not show evidence of true conversion on these issues before full participation (Baptism, Eucharist and Confirmation) in the Church?

We should always meet people where they are, much like Christ met the woman at the well (who had been married five time and was living with a man who was not her husband), but then we should show them the “living water” (Jesus Christ) and invite them to walk with us toward him.

For more information of graduality

For more information on Divorced Catholics

The Three Things Divorced Catholics Need to Know
By Mary Lou Rosien

On Being Ordinary

By Mary Lou Rosien

Freeimages.com/ HermanBrinkman

I love Ordinary Time. It is Mac-n-Cheese on a Friday night, comforting, predictable and filled with love. Unlike Advent or Lent, Ordinary time is neither a time of preparation nor a particularly penitential period. It is not a time of celebration like Christmas or Easter; it is, well, ordinary.

When you work in ministry, the other seasons of the liturgical year are often accompanied by a frenzied pace. As an RCIA Coordinator, I find Lent especially challenging. There are Rites to celebrate, paperwork to do and catechesis to finish before the Easter Vigil. Ordinary Time provides an opportunity to slow down and appreciate the everyday beauty of the Mass and the Gospel. I find it a time for reflection and a time to breathe in my faith…deeply.

As a wife and mother, I recognize that many of the moments I treasure most are not those that happen on vacations or holidays but those nestled into the most normal of days. When my adult son sends me a text in the morning to say he loves me or the older kids unexpectedly help the younger ones, those are the things that take my breath away. In the same way, I see and hear the Mass differently during Ordinary Time. Small nuggets of wisdom pop out of the readings and into my consciousness when it is not cluttered by the busyness of other seasons. I see the Consecration as if in slow motion, savoring each second. I do not feel rushed.

As the days of this period will pass by quickly, I will enjoy the blessings that are anything but ordinary.

The Dark Night of this Catechist

By Mary Lou Rosien

Freeimages.com/
PawelTomkiewicz. Used with Permission

It should have been predictable, but it had never happened to me before. I had just finished catechizing a summer RCIA group and was about to start a new one for fall. I was two weeks away from beginning a new confirmation class, just finished teaching at a PreCana weekend, and Oh yeah, was leading a group in the Thirty-Three Days to Morning Glory Consecration to Our Lady after a re-consecration of my own. I had put a spiritual bullseye on my back and took a direct hit.

I fell into a dark night of spirituality. I have always been blessed to ‘feel’ God’s presence, especially after receiving the Eucharist. Suddenly, I didn’t and worse than that, my heart was filled with doubts. They weren’t so much about believing in God, that is who I am and it cannot be separated out from me, but about the future of the Faith and the Church. I know, I know, “the gates of hell will not prevail,” however, in my head it sounded like the teacher from Charlie Brown’s Peanuts, “blah, blah, blah, blah.”

I feared how my children and those I taught would stay strong in the truths of Faith when the world appeared to be winning the battle for souls.

So how do you impart wisdom and the joy of the truths of the Catholic Faith on others when you cannot feel it in your own heart? This was my constant question. To find the answers I went to Mass.

I watched and participated; I felt empty and alone. I listened and prayed; I didn’t hear God’s voice. Still, I trusted. Eventually, I discovered an analogy that seemed to fit. I felt as if I wanted a face-to-face confession, but had been placed behind the screen instead. I wanted, no… needed, to see the priest’s body language and even his affection for me as a person and yet, I wasn’t able to. I couldn’t seem to peek around the screen to get a glimpse. In this thought, I realized that the priest was still there. My confession would still be valid. I would still be forgiven. Spiritual darkness does not take away the validity of my faith. It may make it harder to pick up on the little clues I have become accustomed to receiving from God, nonetheless the grace is still there. Luckily for me, for all of us, my joy in the Lord is not rooted in emotion, but in the hope of eternal life with Him. I can catechize with love, understanding and wisdom even if I am not receiving the gift of feeling God’s presence.

I turned to the examples of the Saints, especially calling on Saint Mother Teresa, who suffered through years of her own darkness, to fulfill her promise “If I ever become a saint—I will surely be one of ‘darkness,’” Mother Teresa wrote in September of 1959. “I will continually be absent from heaven—to light the light of those in darkness on earth.” I pray that she will help me now and that the darkness will not inhibit my ability to propagate the Faith.

Catechesis or Apologetics; Do You Know the Difference?

By Mary Lou Rosien

Evangelistic Catholics who use the terms catechesis and apologetics, may be assuming people know what they are talking about. There are important differences, not only in the terms and what they mean, but in when they should be used.

Catechesis refers to the handing on of the Catholic faith, often through the use of a catechism. If you look at the index of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, you will find a large volume of information on the teachings of the Catholic Church, on virtually every subject imaginable. From Abortion to the Death Penalty, Eucharist to Anointing of the Sick, and Mass attendance to Holy Days of Obligation, much of what we believe is explained within.

Apologetics is a system of well-reasoned arguments in defense of Catholic teachings; using history, practical knowledge, experience, Scripture and even science, apologetics demonstrates how the Church arrives at the conclusions it does.* The Church is believed to be led by the Holy Spirit and to possess the “Full Deposit of Faith,” through its understanding of Sacred Scripture and Tradition. The Catholic Faith does not change in the sense of dogma; however, the Church does develop a deeper understanding of that deposit of faith, as it is revealed by the Holy Spirit.

So when should a catechist use straight catechesis and when is apologetics more appropriate? This is a complicated question. I believe we should be aware of both and ready to use them as needed. Scripture tells us that we need to “be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you.” (1 Peter 3:15) To decide which is most appropriate, we need to ask ourselves a few questions.

What is the purpose of your discussion? If a student (or anyone else) has challenged you on a particular tenet of faith, backing up the teaching with apologetics (in a loving way) can assist your student in understanding why the Church teaches what it does. If, however, you are just providing information on Church teaching, then straightforward catechesis is a good place to start.

Do they need head knowledge or heart knowledge? Sometimes students grasp a concept easily but cannot advance that knowledge without a deeper understanding. This can work either way. Some people can understand that 1 + 1=2 without additional information, while others need to see physical evidence of the concept to internalize it. I find that catechesis provides the initial information, whereas, apologetics provides the concrete evidence that some need.

How old is the student? Younger students (in my experience) are very accepting of information and need little else. Consider how a First Communion class responds to finding out that the Eucharist is truly Jesus. The little ones will often say, “Hi, Jesus,” and wave. They just accept what you have taught them. Their parents, on the other hand, have often long since forgotten that innocence, and they want additional information. Apologetics can come in very handy at that point.

We cannot have too much knowledge, and the study of the Catechism and Catholic apologetics go hand in hand. The two are complementary, as both the head and heart journey to a deeper understanding of the Catholic Faith–and an appreciation for how blessed we are to practice it.

*Some free resources for apologetics online:

Catholic Answers

New Evangelizers

Lenten Lessons Learned

By Mary Lou Rosien

(C) 2016 Vlad Rosien All Rights Reserved

What a long, strange Lent it’s been. It started so dry and ended with quite a bit of suffering and growing. The Lord taught me a lot through my small sacrifices and works of mercy.

1/ Just because you give up chocolate doesn’t mean you’ll lose weight. The trick for me this Lent, was in not replacing the thing I gave up with something else. A true sacrifice should be a little uncomfortable. If you skip meat on Fridays, then go out for lobster, the sacrifice has actually become a treat.

2/ When you spend time in quiet prayer and reflection new insights are revealed. I’m often busy (my hubby would say too busy for my own good). Frequently on the move, caring for others and working several jobs doesn’t give me much time for reflection. This Lent, I made a conscious effort to spend more time in adoration. It may sound a little pretentious, but I found myself in those moments. I recognized that God works in my life in little ways I hadn’t noticed before. For example, I don’t write beautiful novels or long works of literary knowledge and…that’s okay. I write concise, short books and articles for busy people to read on the run. I’m not particularly prolific, however, I am practical and spiritual and God can use that too. It took me a long time to be okay with being the writer I am, not the one I thought I should be.

3/ Giving up some social media taught me that I like people more when I don’t know who they are voting for, what vacations they have been on and what wonderful successes they are currently enjoying. I don’t think I was even aware how much social media was coloring how I viewed others or how judgmental/envious I become while scrolling! Once I recognized this shortcoming in myself, I also realized that to, “Avoid the near occasion of sin,” I must decrease my use of social media permanently. I now check, post, scroll and comment much less frequently than I used to and life is better for it.

I am so grateful for the seasons of the Church Liturgical Year. Each one gives us a different focus and a chance to reflect and learn new things. God bless.