Culture Archives - Amazing Catechists

Passive Waiting and Suffering Well

We established that no one likes to wait and that a small fraction of our waiting experiences is what we term active, or Advent waiting. What, then, comprises the majority of those periods of life when we linger in tension, when we are in between or feeling stuck or lost?

Passive waiting is when we move from a place of knowing specifically that God will complete some good work He has begun in us to becoming entirely unaware and uncertain of what He is doing or asking of us. We move from subject to object in passive waiting. For example, if you are late to work and get stuck in the midst of unexpected construction, you are experiencing passive waiting. If you just had a biopsy and have to spent an agonizing week not knowing if you have cancer or not, you are in passive waiting.

These times when waiting is painful, when we do not choose to suffer, is precisely what makes life worthwhile. It’s not because of the suffering itself; it is because of what Passion gives birth to, that is, Resurrection. We know that suffering is not the end and that our tragedies can bring about beautiful blessings. But how do we understand passive waiting so that we can learn to suffer well, or at least better?

The Gift of Helplessness and Dependency

Maybe you or someone you know has recently become injured or suffered an accident that left him/her incapacitated. Maybe you have fallen ill with a terrible malady and simply cannot keep up your active lifestyle anymore. Maybe you are disabled.

These are all examples of the helpless state, whether temporary or permanent. And when we can’t move around like we’re used to – going to work, doing household chores, taking care of our families – we feel guilty, as if we are a burden. But God shows us the hidden gift of helplessness, because He deliberately sent His Son as an infant totally dependent on His Mother’s love and nourishment:

The popular imagination discerns nothing in God: no dependence, no waiting, no exposure, nothing of passion or passibility…and therefore, when these conditions appear in the life of man, they must appear fundamentally ‘ungodlike;’ and therefore again they must appear alien to the proper status of man and unworthy of his unique dignity. (W.H. Vanstone quote from Waiting with Purpose, p. 87)

So when you find yourself in a helpless state, know that you are not alone and that God longs to reach you in your suffering.

Preparing for Mission

When we suffer, we gain wisdom and life experience that cannot be replicated by books or rhetoric. Our experiences, then, shape us fundamentally. They make us stronger, more compassionate, and resilient. Even more, they lead us to mission.

You probably didn’t ask for your sickness or your child’s disability or your spouse’s Alzheimer’s. You didn’t want to lose a friend to addiction or a parent to cancer. Yet all of these atrocities can lead us to accompany others who are suffering similar afflictions. We are more equipped to handle their pain when we have already been through our own journey of grief.

Entering Your Resurrection

I learned something extraordinary while researching my book, Waiting with Purpose: all of the Greek verbs used to describe Jesus’ life and ministry were in the active tense until He was handed over in the Garden of Gethsemane. He spoke to His apostles at the Last Supper, “My work is finished” but immediately before expiring, “It is finished.” These are powerful examples of how working isn’t the be-all-end-all to life’s meaning and value.

Your true work is to suffer with Jesus and learn to suffer well. This doesn’t mean perfectly – just well. That means you will have moments when offering up your pain in solidarity with Jesus’ or someone else’s pain is effortless and other times when it’s impossible. The point is to keep moving forward in your own passion, knowing with confidence that your own Calvary journey will lead you to new life in Resurrection, whether in this life or the next.

This post was adapted from Chapter 6 in my book, Waiting with Purpose: Persevering When God Says “Not Yet.”

Interview With Catholic Speaker, Hudson Byblow

By Lisa Mladinich Leave a Comment

Lisa: Hudson, you’ve done wonderful work promoting the need for all people to grow in virtue, rather than falling for the culture’s increasingly bizarre and limiting sexuality labels. Your new Lighthouse CD, titled, In Pursuit of My Identity: Homosexuality, Transgenderism, and My Life, is terrific!

What would you say are the most important facts for people to ponder about human sexuality—specifically regarding same-sex-attractions and gender identity —at this stage in our history as Catholics?

Hudson: All glory be to God. Aside from learning how to be present with a person in a pastoral moment, there is also the aspect of educating the people within our church overall. This is important because we all contribute to the overall environment that people grow into. Education on any topic typically includes an enhanced understanding of language, and on this topic, that is no exception. Needless to say, there is a lot of work to be done. After all, we could never expect to fully understand the meaning of a song if we didn’t know the lyrics, so it would only make sense that we at least try to understand the lyrics to the “song of the Church” in a more profound way as well.

The Nuances

First, I think it would help if we examined linguistic nuances pertaining to attractions/inclinations. For example, if we speak about attractions/inclinations as something people experience instead of something people have, we introduce the nuance of non-permanence. For many people, becoming aware of that nuance can be life-changing. It helps them understand that they are not necessarily destined to experience those attractions/inclinations forever. Though the attractions/inclinations a person experiences might not transform over time, a sense of impermanence can definitely shift their expectations of themselves, and that shift matters because it impacts how a person chooses to live. Note that none of what I said has anything to do with the objective of “changing from gay to straight” (or any type of therapy that has that as an objective). It does, however, have to do with opening our hearts and minds to other possibilities beyond the narrative of this day.

Second, I think it is more important than ever to clarify attractions/inclinations experienced from sexual/romantic attractions/inclinations experienced. This is because not all attractions/inclinations are sexual or romantic in nature. However, our society imposes that expectation by romanticizing/sexualizing nearly all relationships, and so many people absorb that expectation and integrate their responses to attractions/inclinations through that lens. Truthfully, I think the world would change overnight if people came to realize that not all attractions/inclinations are sexual/romantic in nature. I can see it reducing the probability that people would feel the need to “explore” to find out. People could again experience true friendship and closeness without wondering if that meant they were gay (or the second “Q” in LGBTQQ, which stands for “Questioning”). Further, sexual/romantic exploration tends to feel good (it feels good to be held, cared for, and chosen), so the consequence of romantic/sexual exploration may very well be a flood of “good feelings” that may influence how a person comes to view themselves. I would imagine this to be especially true if that exploration was with a person of the same sex because our culture seems to be overtly supportive of exploration in that way at this time.

Third, it would be valuable if people began to talk about attractions/inclinations in terms of appetites—and particular attractions/inclinations as particular appetites. Consider the following: We all have an appetite for pleasing sounds, but only some have particular appetites for certain types of music. We all have an appetite for food, but only some have particular appetites for certain types of food. We all have an appetite for relationships (of some sort), but only some have particular appetites for certain types of relationships—perhaps involving certain types of people. The particulars of any appetite are influenced by the environment we are soaking in – an idea first presented to me by an LGBTQ activist of all people!

Appetites are transformed by our experiences and the world knows this. When we experience something we don’t like, our appetite to continue experiencing it decreases. This could be with particular foods, or particular relationships. I know this first-hand for after I was sexually abused by a male while in my teens, I also experienced this; my particular appetite to be around men in a close way was pretty much annihilated (even though I still desired to belong within the fold of men). Because appetites transform based on the whole of our experiences (and the whole of our environment, according to what that LGBTQ activist told me), it seems sensible that transitioning to speaking about attractions/inclinations as appetites is something that the world does not want. If this shift did begin to occur, and if it caught on to the point where that type of language was embraced by a critical mass of people, then society would be made even further aware of how particular appetites are not static. The result is that people would more easily see that statements claiming people are “created that way” (with particular appetites) are false. This is in line with that that LGBTQ activist shared with me when he told me that “environment plays a factor in the development of our attractions.”

Of course, revealing the falsehood of static particular appetites is not for the purpose of calling out a person who says that being gay is “who they are,” but rather so that we can provide a hope for those who are ready (or near ready) to walk away from those types of identities and their associated narratives even if their particular appetites still persist. It’s merely about being able to see oneself in a different light, which matters because how we see ourselves influences what we perceive we ought to do to pursue fulfillment. And many people are burnt out from a pursuit of fulfillment that has simply never given them the satisfaction they thought they would experience. Many of these people have spoken to me about their newfound freedom after departing from their prior way of seeing themselves as LGBTQ+. All of them had felt trapped where they were, and it was through clarified language (introduced lovingly and appropriately) that they were able to see a way out of it. For many, it has allowed them to re-center their identity on Christ, who they have come to know loves them more than they ever could have imagined. When I think of joy, I think of what radiates from the hearts of these people.

Now, if we strive to elevate the language to include these types of nuances, perhaps we could in some small way help bring that experience to others. Given the joy they now experience, I hope and pray that everyone might open their hearts to growing in their understanding of this topic. I know that I have a lot of room to grow as well. Again, real people with real hearts are who await us in the world. Let us never forget that.

Lisa: Thank you, Hudson! You always present ideas that are both sound and refreshing, and I’m so glad you’re out there speaking and teaching!

Folks, order a few copies of Hudson’s Lighthouse CD to share around!

The Joy of Expectant Waiting

By Jeannie Ewing

There are so many beautiful words to describe active waiting: expectancy, joy, pregnancy, anticipation. It’s what we tend to experience during the Advent season. Active waiting (also called Advent or expectant waiting) evokes incredible hope in us, because we are on the cusp of watching how God’s plan unfolds for a specific promise.

A few points pertaining to this type of waiting will guide us as we move through our own journey. Think of the popular song, “I Wonder As I Wander” for this type of expectancy. A seed has been planted. Its in the germination stage right now, and what is required of you is to be vigilant and patience until the time of flourishing – which God determines – arrives.

We Wait In Community

Let’s look to a beautiful example of expectant waiting – the Visitation. What did the Blessed Mother do as soon as she heard the news of Elizabeth’s pregnancy and after she accepted the invitation to bear the Son of God? She went in haste to share this joy with her cousin! They were both pregnant with a promise, so they gathered together in friendship, in community, to allow the seed of human life to grow within them.

When we wait in joyful anticipation, we remember that ‘nothing is impossible for God.’ (Waiting with Purpose, p. 47)

Have Confidence in God’s Promise

One of my favorite saints-to-be is Blessed Solanus Casey. He is well known for his famous quip, “Thank God ahead of time.” What does this mean for us when we are waiting – often with a certain amount of restlessness or tension – for new birth, new life, or a new phase of life to begin? We focus on who God is and all He has already accomplished in our lives. It’s important to thank God for all that He has done, is doing, and will do for us. That’s what expectant faith is – it’s faith that is confident in God.

We know He will act, and we pray accordingly – with expectation of answered prayer.

Expect to Move from Community to Contemplation

God often prepares us for a particular mission in cycles and seasons. We know this from our waiting experiences that somehow give way to seasons of activity and then back to dormancy. If expectant faith relies upon our lives in relationship, then we know we are being formed by those to whom we are closest – family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, spouses, children.

The people who live with us see us at our best and worst. They might draw out specific flaws or weaknesses – tendencies toward impatience, for example. As we enter into prayer each day, God reflects this reality to us so that we might allow Him to further chisel away the imperfections that deter us from spiritually advancing.

Then, one day, or perhaps gradually, we will move from a stage of activity to the desert. Community tends to precede contemplation, in that God draws us – whether quite literally (as in the case of an anchoress or hermit) or interiorly – into a more reflective state of solitude. It is during our time in the desert when God guides us more directly, though we cannot see or feel much of anything.

We wait – always in joyful hope – whether in community or contemplation.

This post was adapted from Chapter 3 in my book, Waiting with Purpose: Persevering When God Says “Not Yet.”

HOT TOPIC: Same-Sex Attraction (SSA)

By Lisa Mladinich

I’d like to introduce this topic by saying that I believe, personally, that there are many possible roads leading to the experience of SSA. For some, it is emotional/physical deprivation or abuse that creates the deep-seated need for same-sex affirmation and affection, but for many young people raised in loving homes, it may be cultural influences bearing down through indoctrination, peer example, and the destruction of intimate friendships by an over-sexualized society. I’m not an expert, so feel free to disagree with me, but this 3-minute video, created by a young woman who has identified a clear path to her SSA, uses “spoken word” (rhythmic, like rap) to powerfully express her legitimate, personal experience. Please share it around.

Understanding the Spirituality of Waiting

By Jeannie Ewing

I’m willing to bet that everyone reading this hates to wait. We live in a society that lauds “bigger, better, faster,” and we by and large get what we want, when we want it. Thanks to the technological revolution, information is available 24/7. So waiting, whether we overtly or subconsciously admit it, is something of an impediment to staying active and busy.

Yet we can’t ignore the fact that waiting – especially when we don’t choose it – must have a divine purpose for our lives. If God is deliberate and doesn’t waste anything, then he must be speaking to us when we feel stuck, in the middle, or just plain lost. It’s important for us, then, to examine the “why” behind the “what:” how do seasons of waiting strengthen, prune, and purify us?

Look to Scripture.

In the Bible, we have both Old and New Testament examples of long periods of waiting. The most common and popular example would be the Israelites wandering the desert after their exodus from Egypt. Can you imagine spending 40 years of your life without a home, in a desert no less – without vegetation and with much desolation?

What kept the Israelites going those long years? Why didn’t they just turn away and quit the journey? Well, remember that most of them ended up grumbling from time to time – about their divine food (manna), worshiping the molten calf while Moses was conversing with God atop the mountain. But they kept moving forward. Why?

They were given a promise. God guaranteed that he had a place set aside for them, a land “flowing with milk and honey.” This was the Promised Land.

Then you have the example of the Visitation in the New Testament. Mary waited with her cousin, Elizabeth, after she received the news that she would give birth to the Messiah, the Son of God! Both she and Elizabeth prepared, waited, and celebrated together during several months of gestation. Why? Because they were given a promise – the ultimate promise!

Jesus also prayed in the desert for 40 days, during which time he was tempted by Satan. Isn’t that what happens to us, too? When God invites us to wait for his perfect timing, we often succumb to the doubts and discouragement brought on by thoughts from the enemy.

Why do we wait? Because God has promised that he makes good come from all things according to his purpose.

Live by Way of Obscure Faith

St. John of the Cross coined the term “obscure faith.” Essentially it means faith that is not clear, but it is certain. When we wait, we might be tempted to just pass the time doing one of many enticing options – internet gaming, shopping, idle time on social media scrolling and scrolling, running errands, etc. But we have to remember that waiting isn’t wasting. God wants us to use the time he’s given us fruitfully.

If we understand that this undefined time of desolation in the desert of waiting means something deeper, something we can’t fully grasp just yet, we are encouraged to keep believing that God has a plan in the midst of uncertainty and the unknown.

One such encouragement is that desolation leads to a period of consolation, and vice versa. We tend to go through cycles in our spiritual journeys from one to the other and back again. God gives us consolations, or spiritual sweetness, to uplift and strengthen us for the inevitable forthcoming period of desolation – when we can’t see anything and don’t know what’s going on.

Spend your “down” time resting in God.

(The next post will be about resting and the spirituality of waiting.)

This article is an abridged version of Chapter 1 from my book, Waiting with Purpose: Persevering When God Says “Not Yet.”

Jesus’ Missionary Healers

By Maureen Smith

A few years ago, as I was ushering my 3rd grade Sunday School class to our annual Advent confession day, I reminded them that Jesus was present in the Tabernacle. One of the girls repeated the word “Tabernacle” several times, as if chewing on the word, before proclaiming, “Tabernacle…that’s my favorite word!” It became the word that grounded us when lessons about the Trinity and Church teaching somehow became a weekly update about everyone’s pets. The Tabernacle was our anchor, and each class I reminded them that Jesus was present in that gold box called a Tabernacle whenever they saw that red sanctuary candle lit.

As our Church grapples with the sorrows of the past few months, I feel buoyed up by this memory. It reminds me that our Church is made of much more than the few people who have led us to disappointment and doubt, and I feel emboldened to pray the Creed. Yes, Lord I believe in One God…

I believe that there is a power in being a broken Church. Certainly the Apostles, who felt the corruption and blasphemy of the leaders of their faith at the Church’s very beginnings, must have felt similar emotions. Who can I trust? Is the Lord really present in this Church? Is it worth staying?

Years ago, when I lived in Rome, my parish was Sancta Maria in Trastevere. In the early Church, the taverns, which occupied the Church’s current location, became the very place where the Gospel was spread and hearts were converted to Christ. This bit of history reminds me that the Gospel is not meant to be experienced solely within the confines of the physical church building, and that Jesus Christ is not meant to be kept on reserve in the Tabernacle like a book in a library. Rather, we are all, priest and parishioner alike, meant to proclaim that Gospel and bring that Presence of Christ wherever we go. We are both Tabernacle and sanctuary candle, alive with Christ, present within us, and aflame with the joy of Love Incarnate.

A few years ago, the Holy Father challenged us to be “Missionary Disciples.” I think that, particularly now, we must also be Missionary Healers. Every person is wounded, even (and perhaps most especially) the wound-er. We must accept into our hearts the broken, those who feel alone and rejected. We must give them a resting place in our hearts so that they can experience the warmth of Christ’s Presence in our hearts. Often it is in this moment of mercy that I recognize He is really there.

The world is cold and dark, but His Presence is still aflame, even if it feels like the dying embers of a once roaring fire. The fact remains that light is more powerful than darkness. Even in the darkness we have the moon and stars for light, just as we have Our Lady and the saints (and each other!), giving us hope, pointing us to the sun we cannot see.

We must have faith even when those who promise to lead us go astray, and remain strong in our defense of Christ and His Church, even when our offense fails. We must pray for our leaders, our parish priests who are on the front lines, the offensive line, if you will, taking the hits even when the quarterback fumbles. We are the defense and special teams! We must support our faithful offense, the clergy, who lead us to closer to the endzone, to our Heavenly goal, to become saints in God’s kingdom.

Only God knows the trajectory of our Church. It is my hope, however, that this horrific experience will generate saints of all states of life. Our faith is stronger than sin, as it is made of the very Presence of Christ in our hearts, so long as we let Him remain there. We are living Tabernacles, charged with bringing healing to our broken world. Together we can rebuild His Church, a mission not unique to Saint Francis.

I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge that each of us is broken, wounded by sin, others, and the fallen world in which we live. To all of you, let Christ heal you! He accepts you, as broken as you are. You are never too broken for God.

When you find yourself feeling lost remember the anchor. You are a Tabernacle, Jesus Christ is with you, and you have a mission. Our Church will never crumble because Christ is truly present in our sanctuaries, in our hearts, and in those of countless other Christians. Wherever you are, at home or in your car, at work or school, in a bar or a tavern, you are a Missionary Healer, because you are His and He is yours.

The Sinner and The Hypocrite are Not Twins

By Gabe Garnica

https://atheisttochristian.wordpress.com/2012/12/11/the-prodigal-son-reflections-on-teaching/

The Struggle Is Real

William Gurnall once stated, “While the Christian commits a sin he hates it; whereas the hypocrite loves it while he forbears it.” We have all felt the frustration of falling into sin the same day as attending Mass or praying. The truth is that we all play many positive and not so positive roles in our daily spiritual lives. If you are anything like I am, you unwittingly focus more on the negative roles than the positive ones. You may tend to beat yourself up more for the slips than celebrating the wins.

That is not what Christ is all about. Surely, he wants us to see our faults. However, Jesus also wants us to be uplifted by our accomplishments as well. In fact, one of those accomplishments can often be gaining clarity amidst our stumbles. Such was the case when I called myself a hypocrite during confession. The priest gently corrected me, pointing out that hypocrites pretend to be something they are not while sinners merely fall. Hypocrites are liars and sinners, whereas sinners are usually not liars and hypocrites. Sinners fall a lot in a feeble effort to pursue his example of love and service.

Falling Is Not Hypocrisy

Do not consider yourself a hypocrite because you are a sinner. Rather, consider yourself the beneficiary of such a loving God that your sins can be washed away by your sincere desire to improve out of love. Do not scrupulously obsess over your falls. Rather, embrace the gift of hope and immerse yourself in the sea of love and mercy which Christ offers to all of us who fall on a daily basis. The devil wants you to wallow in shame, frustration, doubt, despair, and hopelessness.

Shed yourself of these negative and self-destructive lies. Christ chose you to glorify God despite your imperfection because he knew that there was greatness beneath your falls. Remember that Saul lost an S and gained a P in his name precisely through his greatest fall and proceeded to change the world. Remember that Paul fell because God loved him and wanted his greatness to emerge from that fall. We all have greatness just waiting to be discovered through our falls.

Hypocrisy Is Conscious Pretense

The person who pretends to be impartial while secretly favoring one side over another is a hypocrite. Individuals who pretend to love animals while secretly abusing them are hypocrites. People who pretend to follow Christ while promoting everything he spoke against act hypocritically. However, a common misconception in our society, especially among those who bash Catholics and Christians in general, is to call anyone who preaches following in the example of Christ while falling far from that example a hypocrite. It is not hypocrisy to promote and aspire to a standard and conduct one fails to obtain for oneself.

One’s imperfection (which we all possess) does not, therefore, tarnish, diminish, or destroy the virtue and value of one’s message of virtue. It is hypocrisy, however, to consistently promote a message which one consciously and purposefully rejects or ignores. The sin is not in failing to live up to one’s own message or supposed standards but, rather, in consciously rejecting that message and standard for oneself while applying it to others.

Many today turn this issue into a political one, conveniently bashing opponents and defending their own side regarding hypocrisy claims. Some of these even argue that this is all about a failure to self-reflect. I suggest that we begin by separating the validity and virtue of the message from its imperfect messengers. I also suggest that we distinguish between consciously pretending to that which one is not versus merely promoting a message one often fails to uphold through one’s own imperfection.

Scriptural Perspective

Many cite the Bible which speaks on the evil of judging others and pointing imperfect fingers (Mt 7:1-5) and of seeing oneself as better than another (Lk 18:11-12). Another point is judging over small matters while ignoring much more important issues (Mt 23:23). Ultimately, hypocrisy is found where one holds different standards for oneself than others (Rm 2:21-22), boasts outwardly or does things merely for show (Mt 6:2), holds others’ imperfections as proof of their supposed inferiority, or says one thing for outward appearance while internally believing something else (Ps 12:2). Hypocrisy exists where one has no sincere intention to change and even a desire to define one’s own standards apart from God’s (Rm 10:3).

A common thread in the Bible’s views on hypocrisy is that it is insincere and self-righteous. The sinner who sincerely aspires to and promotes that which he falls short of but never stops struggling to reach is not a hypocrite. The key issues are sincere intent and attempt as well as humble reflection and admission of imperfection. Hypocrites possess outward superficiality with no intent or attempt to change.

In the course of my teaching, I am often called upon to teach students the principles of logic and reasoning. One of the most common errors in this area is thinking that a good message is faulty or useless simply because the messenger is imperfect or even contradicts the very message he or she is conveying. Smoking causes cancer whether or not the one telling us so actually smokes. If imperfection disqualified us from bringing Christ to others, all of us including all saints would have to find another purpose in life. Our Lord knew all too well that he was gathering from imperfect ranks.

The Best Teachers Are Those Who Have Fallen

One of my many hats is tutoring people on how to pass the Bar Exam. Most students are shocked when I inform them that I failed the Bar Exam three times before finally passing it! After all, they reason, why would anyone admit to failing that which they now propose to help another pass? I proceed to inform them that my stumbles are the logs from which I burn the fuel of experience. By failing, I learned what not to do as much as what is simply a waste of time.

By failing, I learned how our own warped sense of perfection actually distorts our perception of humanity, practicality, compassion, mercy, and hope. Ultimately, those who have fallen are the best teachers on how to avoid some falls. More importantly, they teach us how to fall gracefully and rise masterfully. God knows that our falls can shape our greatness if we allow them to do so.

Falling is an Opportunity, Not a Failure

It is with all of the above experiences and revelations honed through setbacks and stumbles that I slowly realized that the ultimate sin is not in falling or often failing to practice what one preaches. Rather, the worst sin of all is failing to rise after one’s falls out of a combination of despair, lack of faith, pride, shame, or simply not loving enough. Yes, you must love to get up from your falls. You must love yourself enough to believe that you can rise and aspire. You must love others enough to realize that your rises can inspire them. Above all, you must love God enough to throw all pride and shame aside.

The hypocrite and the sinner are not always one and the same. Hypocrites lie while sinners simply fall. Our world obsesses over results. Our Lord, however, favors sincere effort to overcome falls. When the world sees a fall, God sees a potential for greatness. What becomes of our falls is up to each of us. Your sin is not hypocrisy unless you stop trying to change, start judging others harshly, or start lying to yourself. The best methods to fight hypocrisy include humble acceptance of your faults and sincerity to amend your life.

2018 Gabriel Garnica

How Laughter Can Help When You’re Grieving

By Jeannie Ewing

Laughter might be the last thing on your mind when you’ve lost a loved one, a job, a home, or are experiencing financial difficulty. Even if you’re a good-natured person inherently, it’s hard to see beyond the struggle when you’re in the midst of it.

Despite this reality, engaging in a hearty belly laugh now and then is surprisingly very healing, both physiologically and emotionally. Laughter accesses the limbic system, the part of our brains that houses emotional processing and responses. When you laugh so hard you cry, you’re actually reaping double benefits, too: Research shows evidence that tears shed during times of extreme stress have a different chemical makeup than those shed when you’re temporarily sad.

Here are some ways laughter can help you when you’re grieving:

Find a funny friend and suggest a night out. If you can’t get out, invite him/her over. Let loose and allow yourself to double over with puns, slapstick, dry, or whatever type of humor triggers your funny bone.
Watch your favorite comedy. Or try a stand-up comedian. Ben and I really love the “clean comics” Brian Regan and Jim Gaffigan. They never fail to make us wheeze with laughter.
Do something fun. “Fun” is almost always the last thing on everyone’s list when they are grieving. Even if you can’t imagine going out, do it anyway. Your mind, body, and soul need a break.
Read a funny book. If you don’t know of any, ask around.
Look for humorous memes online. There are plenty. All you have to do is Google!

Though it might seem frivolous or trite, it’s important to take time out to relax, regroup, and find something refreshing to help you refocus on the joys in life. Even if you burst into guffaws at the oddest moments or for the strangest reasons, go with it. I can’t explain the times when Ben and I have shared a good belly laugh over something like an inside joke or a ridiculous story or comment. There’s something very healing and cathartic that occurs.

When you laugh, you clear your mind. Your body’s tension will loosen, and you will feel the visceral response of stress leaving your body, and you will feel stronger and more capable of tackling all the burdens you are facing.

Paraphrased from my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph.

The Freedom to……………….Shoes: Reject The Comfort of Sin

By Gabe Garnica

St. Teresa of Avila once stated, “We always find that those who walked closest to Christ were those who had to bear the greatest trials.”

Shoes, Comfort, Sin, and Appearances

I recently saw a woman wobbling down the street and having great difficulty walking. The other woman she was with kept pointing to this woman’s shoes and shaking her head. Ultimately, the stumbling woman simply took off her shoes and began to walk barefoot. From what I could decipher from a distance, it appears that the woman had been sacrificing comfort for appearances. While the shoes looked great and clearly fit the rest of her outfit, they did not fit her feet and proved more trouble than they were worth.

This recent Lent provided me with many opportunities to think about comfort, sin, and appearances.

Comfort is a Relative Thing

According to St. Paul, “For there shall be a time when they will not endure sound doctrine; but according to their own desires, they will heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears. And will indeed turn away their hearing from the truth, but will be turned unto fables.” (2 Tim 4:1-4)

Our world tells us that we can never have too much comfort. After all, what rational person would ever reject a more comfortable chair in favor of an uncomfortable one? Comfort is often equated in this world with money, such that most see having a lot of money as the way to find greater comfort. In the sense, many of us would question the sanity of someone like St. Francis of Assisi, who turned his back on a great fortune to live a life of poverty and want. Having too much money or too much comfort will not get anyone in this society any sympathy.

However, comfort is a relative thing. We probably all need at least some of it to function on a long-term basis. On the other hand, too much comfort may do us as much, if not more, harm than good. Comfort tends to slip us into the mentality of forgetting God and His blessings. Comfort tends to make us complacent and lukewarm in our faith. Comfort even fools us into believing that our happiness is wholly our own doing.

Comfort is a vicious cycle into self-obsession. The more comfortable we feel, the more selfish and self-absorbed we tend to become. Content in our own convenient abundance, we tend to forget the need and suffering of others.

We need only look at Christ to remember that comfort and Christianity are often polar opposites in this world. Our Lord was born into and regularly faced poverty, rejection, and inconvenience. If we aspire to follow Christ, we must likewise aspire to, and even embrace, discomfort as the price.

Tolerance for Sin as Compromise for Comfort

Fulton Sheen said, “Tolerance applies only to persons, never to truth…or principles. About these things, we must be intolerant.”

Psychologists tell us that people tend to seek stability and consistency in their lives while instinctively pulling away from discomfort and chaos. It would be wonderful if this all meant that everyone lined up in neat lines marching toward heaven and salvation and away from the chaos of sin. However, human nature is an arrogant fool. Sadly, we find that this world increasingly views sin as sanity and rejection of sin as chaos. Charity and mercy call on us to be tolerant of the sinner, but intolerant of the sin—most especially our own.

Increasingly surrounded and enticed by sin, we often find it much more comfortable to accept, rationalize, and even embrace sin as the path of least upheaval and greater acceptance by this world. We wear the distorted shoes of sin so often that we soon see our limp as the accepted way to walk.

Reject the Appearances and Moral Fashions of this World

This society immerses itself in the notion of tolerance as a universal good without accepting the reality that not all tolerance is a good thing. What would happen if we tolerated murder, rape, and other violent crimes? Is it even rational to be a Catholic who supports abortion? Obsessed with appearances and superficial morality, we too often stumble along in shoes of sin we got in the habit of wearing.

We cannot be tolerant of sin in our lives. We must foster a personality and nature that rejects the sin that will surely come across our way with each passing day. Being weak and inconsistent human beings, we will often fall in some way during this year. Rather than spend all of our time and efforts avoiding the falls, we must dedicate a good portion of our preparation and fortitude to constructively dealing with the falls that will surely come.

Conclusion

As members of this society and world, we can all fall for the lure of acceptance, popularity, and group pressure. If we get too used to wearing the warped shoes of sin, we will eventually become so accustomed to their fit that all confession, contrition, or remorse will seem useless and unnecessary.

Lukewarm compromise and those who sold out their morals become increasingly tepid in our faith. The greatest evil and lie is feeling hopeless under the weight of our sins. Divine Mercy reminds us that Christ will always reach out to us if we reach out to him. We reach out to Our Lord by frequent confession and Communion, prayer, and good works for others.

Stop stumbling along in the distorted shoes of sin just for acceptance or the sake of appearances. Do not seek the comfort and convenience of this world over the struggles of following Christ. Embrace the discomfort of your sin as the sign that you have not compromised your faith and values. Likewise, embrace Divine Mercy as Our Lord’s promise to reach out to you as long as you find sin uncomfortable in your life. Above all, love God so much that you will always see sin as an intolerable and uncomfortable pair of shoes you simply refuse to wear.

2018 Gabriel Garnica

Lent Should Be a Moving Experience

By Gabe Garnica

I find it powerful and transcendent that Lent is a moving journey toward the Cross and beyond. This “moving” however, comes in three distinct contexts. Each context has its place in the Lenten message.

Powerful Emotion

The first context of moving evoked by Lent may certainly be the strong, somber emotion of following a friend through great suffering. The closer that friend, of course, the more intimate and proximate to ourselves that suffering should be. While we may be moved by attending the funeral of a friend’s relative we never met, we would expect to be even more moved in attending the actual friend’s funeral. In the first instance, our love for our friend moves us to feel compassion and sympathy for that friend’s suffering. In the second instance, that same love moves us to suffer at the loss of a loved one. The more something touches us, the more it moves our emotions.

As followers of Christ, therefore, we should be moved by Our Lord’s great suffering leading up to and through his ultimate loving sacrifice for us. We should be moved by being so loved while falling so short loving in return. We should be moved by the way we have contributed and continue to contribute to the suffering of a such a loving Lord every time we offend him.

The Crucifix as the Proactive Cross

Our image of the cross is as static and fixed as to be a mirage. We barely discern a difference between a cross and a crucifix. The cross is love promised and the crucifix is love proven. Christ accepted his cross out of love for us and proved his love by turning that cross into the ultimate sacrificial altar. As Catholics, we should see the cross as the setting for love and the crucifix as that love actualized.

The cross sets the table and the crucifix provides us with the meal of Our Lord’s body and blood. Without the corpus on the crucifix, the cross remains a passive symbol. It may evoke our reaction in some way, but that reaction pales in the face of what happens when we add the corpus of Christ.

The crucifix, on the other hand, turns the passivity of the cross into the action of loving sacrifice opening our path to salvation. Through the cross, our reactive passivity is transformed into proactive love. The symbol becomes the signpost. Our Savior on the cross redefines love from simply emotion or reaction into action. It is fine and good to love, but true love demands we act on that love. If we truly love Christ, then we will want to authentically follow him in actions and not merely words.

In this second context, then, Lent implies moving out of our comfort zones and acting on the love we have for Christ and others. Ash Wednesday reminds us that we are made of dust but Lent calls on us to turn that dust into a windstorm of love and sacrifice.

Calendar Dates

A friend recently lamented that this year Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day fall on the same day, as do Easter and April Fool’s Day. His concern was that people might forget to receive ashes in their haste to buy flowers and candy. In fact, his teenage daughter who usually proudly wears her ashes to school was going to get them after school because she did not want to “mess up” her Valentine’s celebration in school !

Likewise, many may fear that Easter will receive a greater dose of secular mockery since it falls on the day when fools are celebrated. The irony is that Lent truly should begin with love and call us to be fools for Christ in the eyes of this world. In a way, this year’s odd coincidences merely parallel how we should view Lent when confronting this world’s values and priorities.

It is fitting that Lent varies from year to year because following Christ is not about comfortable and predictable routines. The true follower of Christ is like a bride or groom promising love in the face of an uncertain path to a treasured goal. While Christ should be our fixed target, the world around us often provides a moving context which we must overcome. The ultimate message is that Christ is our fixed GPS through the changing contexts of this world.

As we move through Lent this year, let us be moved to move out of our comfort zones and help move others toward Christ.

2018 Gabriel Garnica