Amazing Catechists

Teaching and learning the faith together

Book Review: 10 Promises of Jesus by Marge Steinhage Fenelon

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My video review of this book is available on youtube at the Home Catechesis YouTube Page (CLICK HERE!)

 

One of the most common objections to Christianity is not rooted in philosophy or doctrine but rather the existence of evil and suffering in a world that Christians profess to be created by a Loving God. The Church wisely states, “no quick answer will suffice. Only Christian faith as a whole constitutes the answer to this question….There is not a single aspect of the Christian message that is not in part an answer to the question of evil” (CCC 309).

Within the classroom or an exchange of scholars this conversation will focus on Salvation History and the Church’s corresponding doctrines. For the average person struggling with and through a traumatic event, something else is needed to provide the answer that comes from the “Christian faith as a whole.” That approach of providing witnesses to God’s work and the power of Hope, has been crafted together in the book 10 Promises of Jesus by Marge Steinhage Fenelon.

Each chapter of this book begins with a Promise of Jesus. The explanation of the promise is often short and simple followed by a real life story of someone experiencing both suffering and Hope through the corresponding promise. Each chapter features a new story with different forms of suffering and different acts of Hope.

This book is a quick and easy read. I only wish one additional point was made in the book; it is nothing major, but rather an additional point to be made in the footnotes. On page 51 a long footnote is provided to explain “last rites” but fails to mention 1 of 3 sacraments celebrated in this liturgical celebration: Confession/Penance. Penance is only mentioned within the circumstance of someone not able to make it to Confession. It also would have been a wonderful opportunity to explain the importance of the sequence of the rites within the context of the Sacraments of Initiation.

Thus, just as the sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation, and the Eucharist form a unity called “the sacraments of Christian initiation,” so too it can be said that Penance, the Anointing of the Sick and the Eucharist as viaticum constitute at the end of Christian life “the sacraments that prepare for our heavenly homeland” or the sacraments that complete the earthly pilgrimage. –CCC 1525

Penance/Confession restores us to Baptismal Grace. The “last rites” of Confession, Anointing of the Sick, and Communion mirror the Sacraments of Initiation in their proper order of Baptism, Confirmation (uses an anointing with oil too), and Communion. As you can see, it is not a major issue, but my love for sacramental theology would have loved to have seen it included!

While this book obviously is a benefit to those suffering through something, it is an excellent resource for catechists. Students often ask questions of a personal nature in response to catechetical content. They hunger to understand if the faith has any relevance for their daily life. This book will provide catechists with examples of the Christian Faith in action during times of suffering.

 

My video review of this book is available on youtube at the Home Catechesis YouTube Page (CLICK HERE!)

 

Jesus’ Missionary Healers

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A few years ago, as I was ushering my 3rd grade Sunday School class to our annual Advent confession day, I reminded them that Jesus was present in the Tabernacle. One of the girls repeated the word “Tabernacle” several times, as if chewing on the word, before proclaiming, “Tabernacle…that’s my favorite word!” It became the word that grounded us when lessons about the Trinity and Church teaching somehow became a weekly update about everyone’s pets. The Tabernacle was our anchor, and each class I reminded them that Jesus was present in that gold box called a Tabernacle whenever they saw that red sanctuary candle lit.

As our Church grapples with the sorrows of the past few months, I feel buoyed up by this memory. It reminds me that our Church is made of much more than the few people who have led us to disappointment and doubt, and I feel emboldened to pray the Creed. Yes, Lord I believe in One God…

I believe that there is a power in being a broken Church. Certainly the Apostles, who felt the corruption and blasphemy of the leaders of their faith at the Church’s very beginnings, must have felt similar emotions. Who can I trust? Is the Lord really present in this Church? Is it worth staying?

Years ago, when I lived in Rome, my parish was Sancta Maria in Trastevere. In the early Church, the taverns, which occupied the Church’s current location, became the very place where the Gospel was spread and hearts were converted to Christ. This bit of history reminds me that the Gospel is not meant to be experienced solely within the confines of the physical church building, and that Jesus Christ is not meant to be kept on reserve in the Tabernacle like a book in a library. Rather, we are all, priest and parishioner alike, meant to proclaim that Gospel and bring that Presence of Christ wherever we go. We are both Tabernacle and sanctuary candle, alive with Christ, present within us, and aflame with the joy of Love Incarnate.

A few years ago, the Holy Father challenged us to be “Missionary Disciples.” I think that, particularly now, we must also be Missionary Healers. Every person is wounded, even (and perhaps most especially) the wound-er. We must accept into our hearts the broken, those who feel alone and rejected. We must give them a resting place in our hearts so that they can experience the warmth of Christ’s Presence in our hearts. Often it is in this moment of mercy that I recognize He is really there.

The world is cold and dark, but His Presence is still aflame, even if it feels like the dying embers of a once roaring fire. The fact remains that light is more powerful than darkness. Even in the darkness we have the moon and stars for light, just as we have Our Lady and the saints (and each other!), giving us hope, pointing us to the sun we cannot see.

We must have faith even when those who promise to lead us go astray, and remain strong in our defense of Christ and His Church, even when our offense fails. We must pray for our leaders, our parish priests who are on the front lines, the offensive line, if you will, taking the hits even when the quarterback fumbles. We are the defense and special teams! We must support our faithful offense, the clergy, who lead us to closer to the endzone, to our Heavenly goal, to become saints in God’s kingdom.

Only God knows the trajectory of our Church. It is my hope, however, that this horrific experience will generate saints of all states of life. Our faith is stronger than sin, as it is made of the very Presence of Christ in our hearts, so long as we let Him remain there. We are living Tabernacles, charged with bringing healing to our broken world. Together we can rebuild His Church, a mission not unique to Saint Francis.

I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge that each of us is broken, wounded by sin, others, and the fallen world in which we live. To all of you, let Christ heal you! He accepts you, as broken as you are. You are never too broken for God.

When you find yourself feeling lost remember the anchor. You are a Tabernacle, Jesus Christ is with you, and you have a mission. Our Church will never crumble because Christ is truly present in our sanctuaries, in our hearts, and in those of countless other Christians. Wherever you are, at home or in your car, at work or school, in a bar or a tavern, you are a Missionary Healer, because you are His and He is yours.

Fasting 101: My Experience Over the Last Six Weeks

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A reader, referring back to a post from a couple of months ago, asked me if I had actually done anything to implement a weekday fast so that Sunday could be a feast day without being gluttonous.

And, wonder of wonders, I have!

So often the noble percolates in my head, and it takes months (maybe even years!) to materialize in my everyday life. But this time, thanks to several different threads coming together and by God’s grace, I have actually implemented a weekday fasting schedule.

Most days I fast from dinner until dinner. This is called intermittent fasting. (If you want to learn more about intermittent and extended fasting from a medical, physiological point of view, read The Complete Guide to Fasting by Dr. Jason Fung.)  Several years ago, my trim chiropractor mentioned that this is how he eats, and I thought he was completely nuts. In truth, it is really not so radical (humans have been fasting and feasting since time immemorial) or so difficult (I found that anticipation of how hard it will be is way worse than the reality).

I have been fasting now for over six weeks. I don’t fast on Sundays or on feast days.  The first big feast day since I began this practice was the Feast of the Assumption, and it really felt like a feast! After breakfast, I took the kids to a local bakery and relished a pecan sticky bun. For lunch, I put sugar in my coffee. And for dinner I ate take-out pizza. It was awesome, and it was awesome without being gluttonous. It felt like true feasting.

So how do I feel while fasting?

Mostly I feel great. The hunger comes occasionally, but as I had read, it comes in waves. If you make it through the wave of hunger, the feeling goes away and stays away for a couple of hours. So for me it’s about an hour of feeling hunger around lunchtime, and then I am fine until dinner, and even then, I don’t feel that hungry. I have done two 44-hour fasts, and those were only marginally more difficult than my usual routine.

I have felt far less lethargic than I have in a long time and have more energy than usual. I even tackled cleaning our basement (a cellar-style storage space), which is a project I have ignored for over a decade.

Overall, I have simply enjoyed food more than ever. The daily meal tastes so good and is such a delight; I feel like I have re-discovered the joy of food. It feels like the way God probably designed food to be consumed: I feel hungry when I eat, and I’m not just shoving it into my body because I want it or because it’s there or because I am feeling a negative emotion.

I should also mention that there have been surprising practical benefits. I find I have about an extra four hours per week (the time that would have been spent preparing and eating my own breakfasts and lunches throughout the week). I am spending less money. While I wouldn’t say these would personally be reasons enough to motivate me to fast, they have been pleasant advantages.

There is a spiritual side of fasting too. One of the main reasons why I fast is because I felt that food had power over me in a way that it shouldn’t.  I was cranky when I didn’t eat.  I thought about how to reward myself with food.  I turned to food when sad or stressed.  I ate too much of certain foods just because I wanted to.  Intuitively, I knew that that part of my life was not properly ordered.  If you are in a similar situation, you might enjoy taking a little food attachment quiz I created when I was deep in exploring my own disordered attachment to food.

Jesus presumed we would be fasting. “When you fast,” He said (see Matthew 6:16). I know so little about the power of fasting, as I am so new to it. But I can say that it has already induced some sense of detachment from the things of the world.  Like all Christian spiritual practices, such as prayer and alms-giving, fasting molds the soul into the way of holiness.

Fasting also has always been a way of showing remorse for our own sins and a way to make reparation for the sins of others. I am tempted to think that because I am doing it for my physical and spiritual health, it cannot also be “applied” as a prayer. Nonsense! Think of the Holy Mass, when we pray “May the Lord accept the sacrifice at your hands, for the praise and glory of His name, for our good, and the good of all his holy church.” If the Mass itself can be said for God’s glory as well as for ourselves as well as for the entire church, well, then so can our small acts of fasting.  Offer your sacrifice to God for His glory, your own good, and the good of the whole world.

If you feel out of control regarding food, want to re-discover a spiritual practice that has been around for thousands of years, and/or desire to create a rhythm in your family life that accords with the liturgical year, I encourage you to try fasting! It is changing my life.

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Copyright Amanda Woodiel (2018).

3 Ways to Find Meaning in Your Suffering

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If you’re Catholic, you’ve undoubtedly heard from someone, somewhere: “Offer it up.” It’s an unfortunate cliche nowadays, but it doesn’t have to be.

Suffering has merit if we don’t waste it. Our grief can become an immense gift not only to God but also to others. Through time, as we learn to manage our struggles with more patience and perseverance, we will learn that God has perhaps hidden something specific we can use from our experience with loss: mission.

Everyone wants a purpose in life, and we all were born with one. Yet unveiling it as we grow up and grow old doesn’t always happen clearly or smoothly. Sometimes it doesn’t happen at all.

Though God never intended for suffering, disease, sin, and death to enter into our lives, we must handle the consequences of Original Sin (thanks Adam and Eve) somehow. Jesus was the One to show us how.

Without the sin of our First Parents, we would never have needed Jesus. We wouldn’t have known Him or had the opportunity to be reconciled to Him. I wonder if we would have ever truly understood love. Through the example of Christ in His Passion, we can find meaning in our suffering, too.

Here are three ways you might come to grow as a result of whatever loss you are struggling to make sense of right now:

  1. Discover your mission. There are enough suffering people in this world who need something that you have to offer. Maybe you understand firsthand the pain of loving someone with an addiction. You might become an addictions counselor. Or maybe your grief relates to losing a spouse slowly to the formidable death of Alzheimer’s. Your purpose might be to volunteer at a nursing home and talk with family members about what to expect or ask them questions about how they are handling the diagnosis.
  2. Recognize that joy can exist with sorrow. In fact, you might experience both simultaneously. It’s very strange to explain, but it happens. And if it has happened to you, then you know exactly what I mean. Don’t settle for the falsehood that you have to pursue worldly, selfish “happiness” that only means doing what feels good in the moment. True joy is about sacrifice. It entails hard work, self-denial. It is a large part of your cross and could be particular to your grief journey. Be a witness to others who are in or near despair that a joy-filled life is possible!
  3. Accompany others. Remember that healing does not occur in isolation. A beautiful and mysterious gift contained in your grief may be that you walk with someone who is in a very raw stage of emotional pain. Grief may be new to them right now. But you have been there for a while, and you know that the intensity of those emotions eventually dies down. Sit with them. Be with them. The gift of presence is the most powerful and transformative of anything else you could offer. In turn, you might discover greater healing for yourself, too.

In God there is no darkness. Let your life reflect His light, then. Place your lamp on a lamp stand instead of under a bushel basket. Don’t hide in shame because of your loss. Be authentic and sincere to others, and they will see Jesus in you.

Paraphrased from my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph.

Text (c) Jeannie Ewing 2018, all rights reserved. Photo by Roberto Nickson (@g) on Unsplash

 

Healing After Grief Through Divine Mercy

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By now, most of us have been inundated with information about the Divine Mercy devotion popularized through St. Faustina’s Diary. But have we learned about how divine mercy itself aids us through grief as a healing balm for our wounds? Probably not.

It’s easy to take care of yourself in the immediate aftermath of loss: you make sure you are fed, clean, and get adequate rest. You drink enough water. You might take a walk or sit down to read a book. But what about the condition of your soul? Certainly we are a composite of mind, body, and soul, which are all intricately interconnected.

But we cannot neglect our souls. In fact, I strongly believe that, when we don’t face our deepest inner turmoil from a spiritual perspective, we will not ever be completely healed.

How does divine mercy give us the grace to experience lasting peace and permanent healing? I am not implying that grace alone will solve all of your suffering, nor that it’s not important – necessary at times, even – to seek medical or professional help in addition to turning to your faith. What I am saying is that if you truly wish to be deeply healed, you simply cannot overlook the value of sacramental grace.

Here is a way for you to understand how divine mercy plays an integral role in grief healing:

Divine mercy is the only means by which we can be fully restored and made whole after we have incurred grave losses. It’s not His obligation, but He cannot deny us this because of love. Mercy is the way God reaches our torn and tattered hearts after betrayals and breakups (p. 125 in my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph).

If you need some practical ways to experience the power of Divine Mercy, start with these:

  • Frequent the Sacrament of Mercy – Reconciliation. Better yet, frequent the Sacraments of Healing together – Reconciliation and the Eucharist.
  • Read about God’s incredible mercy in the Psalms.
  • Pray to St. Faustina for a deeper understanding of how much God’s love envelops you in your pain.
  • Offer your misery to Jesus as a gift. His mercy will transform your heart.
  • Be merciful to both yourself and others. This means being more patient and kinder than necessary. Remember the quote, “Be kinder than necessary. Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle”? Keep that in mind regarding the message of mercy.
  • Practice the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy. Pray about which one or two God is inviting you to try rather than committing to all of them. Base your selection on your specific gifts, talents, personality, lifestyle, and the time you have.

Consider this quote from the Diary of St. Faustina (no. 1273). Read it as if Jesus is speaking directly to your heart. Ponder it throughout the week. Ask the Lord to reveal to you what it means for your particular cross right now:

There is no misery that could be a match for My mercy, neither will misery exhaust it, because as it is being granted, it increases. The soul that trusts in My mercy is most fortunate, because I Myself take care of it.

Friends, faith alone will not solve all of your ills. Neither, though, will prescriptions and therapy. Remember that your soul is the center, the wellspring of your existence. From it flows the Spring of Eternal Life. Access this spring so that you might discover true and lasting healing through mercy, as well as the other ways you care for your health.

I believe if we “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness,” then truly “all these things will be given to you besides” (see Matthew 6:33).

Adapted from my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph.

Text (c) Jeannie Ewing 2018, all rights reserved. Photo by Fischer Twins on Unsplash

 

The 6 Spiritual Principles of Moving Through Grief

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Grief is one of those tricky, delicate, often nebulous life phenomena that is tough to pinpoint and define. We all suffer differently, and we all experience grief in a very personal, unique way. Even so, I’ve found that there are some universal strategies – what I call “spiritual principles” – that can really aid all of us when we are seeking healing after devastating loss.

In my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph, I delve more deeply into these principles, how they work together, and what they might look like for you as you move through your grief journey. But there’s no panacea as to how you will experience each of these principles. They are intended to be guideposts, not certainties, in your spiritual journey toward healing.

The 6 spiritual principles of moving through grief are:

  • Humility of Heart:
    • This is the foundation of all other principles, because it requires us to move from self-pity (“woe is me” attitude) toward focus on God.
    • Opportunities to grow in humility tend to come in the form of humiliations; when grieving, these can include unexpected weeping to a compassionate stranger or permitting a neighbor to clean our house.
    • Requires vulnerability – allowing God to tear down our emotional barricades, being transparent to others
  • Abandonment to Divine Providence:
    • Builds upon the first principle (humility), because our hearts need to be receptive by way of humility. Pride closes and hardens our hearts.
    • This receptivity allows us to move to a place in which we long to please God, even in the midst of mystery.
    • Abandonment, or surrender, is acquired through acts that try one’s patience and foster perseverance.
    • A person who is ready to enter into this principle has a heart and mind that is open, ready, and willing to hand over our wants and needs into God’s hands without needless worry or concern.
  • Holy Indifference:
    • Based on the Ignatian concept that if the soul “is attached or inclined to a thing inordinately, that [person] should move himself, putting forth all his strength, to come to the contrary of what he is wrongly drawn to.”
    • It is NOT apathy or indifference. It does not mean we no longer care about our circumstances, only that we surrender (second principle) our needs, cares, and concerns without expecting a specific outcome to our prayer.
    • It is the third principle, because one must have begun the journey into humility and abandonment before the ability to be content with a “yes” or “no” or “not yet” answer from God to our prayers.
    • Related to holy detachment
  • The Dark Night of the Soul (e.g., Holy Darkness):
    • Focused on fidelity to God in the face of self-emptiness.
    • Acquired through time, temptations, trials, and tribulations.
    • Feeling as if God has forsaken or abandoned you; feeling spiritually dry or alone.
    • If you’re in a state of grace (e.g., no mortal sin staining your soul, and you are staying close to the sacraments of Eucharist and Confession), then the emptiness and loneliness you feel may be this holy darkness.
    • NOT the same as the darkness caused by sin or consequences of sin (including spiritual attack).
  • Confidence in God’s Timing:
    • “Thank God ahead of time for whatever He sees is best for [you]…Courage is half the battle – confidence in God is the soul of prayer – foster the latter and you have both.” (Bl. Solanus Casey)
    • In your period of mourning, when you are feeling empty, exhausted, possibly abandoned by God and others – cultivate gratitude. Think of your past and all the ways God has delivered or blessed you. Then, thank Him for what He is doing in your life that you cannot see and entrust your entire present and future into His hands (2nd principle – surrender).
    • When we thank God for our pain and sorrow, as well as our joys and celebrations, we make everything a holy gift that He, in turn, molds into a facet of healing, strength, and peace for us.
  • The Wound of the Heart:
    • This is a mystical concept based on St. Therese of Lisieux’s spirituality: “I offer myself as a victim of holocaust to your merciful love.”
    • When we pray without expectation of a certain outcome (holy indifference, 3rd principle), and when we thank God for all He is doing and will be doing in our lives (confidence/gratitude, 5th principle), then we will accept that our pain may not be taken away from us. Instead, it may be transformed into love.
    • “Martyrdom of the heart” or “white martyrdom” that some saints experienced – a piercing of the heart and soul that causes a “wound of love.” In other words, our grief and suffering may become the best gift of love we can unite with the wounds of Jesus.
    • This principle teaches us how to suffer well.

Adapted from my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph.

Text (c) Jeannie Ewing 2018, all rights reserved. Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

How Laughter Can Help When You’re Grieving

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Laughter might be the last thing on your mind when you’ve lost a loved one, a job, a home, or are experiencing financial difficulty. Even if you’re a good-natured person inherently, it’s hard to see beyond the struggle when you’re in the midst of it.

Despite this reality, engaging in a hearty belly laugh now and then is surprisingly very healing, both physiologically and emotionally. Laughter accesses the limbic system, the part of our brains that houses emotional processing and responses. When you laugh so hard you cry, you’re actually reaping double benefits, too: Research shows evidence that tears shed during times of extreme stress have a different chemical makeup than those shed when you’re temporarily sad.

Here are some ways laughter can help you when you’re grieving:

  • Find a funny friend and suggest a night out. If you can’t get out, invite him/her over. Let loose and allow yourself to double over with puns, slapstick, dry, or whatever type of humor triggers your funny bone.
  • Watch your favorite comedy. Or try a stand-up comedian. Ben and I really love the “clean comics” Brian Regan and Jim Gaffigan. They never fail to make us wheeze with laughter.
  • Do something fun. “Fun” is almost always the last thing on everyone’s list when they are grieving. Even if you can’t imagine going out, do it anyway. Your mind, body, and soul need a break.
  • Read a funny book. If you don’t know of any, ask around.
  • Look for humorous memes online. There are plenty. All you have to do is Google!

Though it might seem frivolous or trite, it’s important to take time out to relax, regroup, and find something refreshing to help you refocus on the joys in life. Even if you burst into guffaws at the oddest moments or for the strangest reasons, go with it. I can’t explain the times when Ben and I have shared a good belly laugh over something like an inside joke or a ridiculous story or comment. There’s something very healing and cathartic that occurs.

When you laugh, you clear your mind. Your body’s tension will loosen, and you will feel the visceral response of stress leaving your body, and you will feel stronger and more capable of tackling all the burdens you are facing.

Paraphrased from my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph.

Text (c) Jeannie Ewing 2018, all rights reserved. Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash

Understanding the Difference Between Grief and Depression

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When devastating loss hits our lives, we tend to respond with deep, intense sorrow. Initially, it might feel very uncomfortable for us, because grief stirs up many complicated and painful emotions. In time, we might hear well-intentioned friends or family members say, “Maybe it’s time to move on.” So we wonder, “Is this normal to feel like this? Am I depressed?”

Periods of grief can be confusing as we’re sorting through strong reactions, unexpected behaviors, and unwanted feelings or thoughts. It’s easy to see why most of us might get grief and the clinical diagnosis of depression mixed up at times. Here are some clear indicators that you are struggling with depression or a form of pathological grief called complicated grief.

First, your response of anger, sadness, confusion, loneliness, and guilt in the immediate aftermath of loss is a normal response. It’s important to note patterns of behavior over time, which may indicate that you need further professional and/or medical help.

The DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – 5th Revision) is what clinical psychologists and physicians who are psychiatrists use to diagnose specific conditions that can be treated well with medication and therapy. Now classified as Major Depressive Disorder, here are the criteria for diagnosis. Keep in mind that these symptoms must be prevalent for at least two consecutive weeks:

  • Suicidal ideations (e.g. thinking and tendencies);
  • Excessive weight loss or weight gain (or increased/decreased appetite);
  • Energy loss and fatigue;
  • Feelings of worthlessness;
  • Irritability;
  • Poor concentration;
  • Change in sleep patterns (insomnia or hypersomnia – sleeping very little or too much).

Similarly, there is a clinical condition called complicated grief that mimics some symptoms of depression. The criteria include:

  • Loss occurred over 6 months ago;
  • Rumination over the loss/can’t get it off of your mind;
  • Feeling that life is meaningless or worthless;
  • Feeling shock/numbness;
  • Neglecting self-care or care of others who need you (e.g. children);
  • Auditory/Visual hallucinations of the person who has died;
  • Inability to accept the loss;
  • Strong feelings or reactions to any memory related to the loss;
  • Cannot trust others or discuss anything other than the loss.

These symptoms must be present consistently for at least one month and significantly interfere with daily life.

Normal grief is acute; it comes and goes – sometimes without warning. But a clinical diagnosis is probable if you feel stuck and as if you are unable or unwilling to move through the grief rather than avoid or deny its presence and what it can teach you about suffering and empathy for others who are suffering. When in doubt, seek professional help. Go to your doctor and have an honest conversation. Listen to your loved ones’ concern about your welfare and take them into consideration.

(Note: I am not a physician or psychologist, and this information is not intended to replace or treat any condition you have. It’s for informational purposes only.)

Adapted from my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph.

Text (c) Jeannie Ewing 2018, all rights reserved. Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

What is Grief?

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Popular counselors tend to affirm the common definition of grief in our western culture: that it is a period of designated mourning following the death of a loved one. While this is certainly true, it is a narrow and limited understanding of what grief encompasses. Perhaps that’s why it’s so hard for most of us to recognize when we are grieving.

What I have learned, both from personal experience and in my professional background, is that grief includes any significant and devastating loss. This could be the death of your beloved pet; the sudden loss of your job; a child born with a genetic condition or disability (as in our case); a spouse who has left you; caring for an elderly parent who is suffering from dementia; struggling in the aftermath of sexual assault; recovering from PTSD as a military veteran; making ends meet as a single mother; healing after abortion; hidden sorrow from a miscarriage or stillbirth.

There are countless life circumstances that trigger our grief experiences. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it does help to get us thinking – or rethinking – about what grief is and how it affects us when life goes in a direction other than what we’d imagined.

Here are some points to remember when you are grieving:

  1. Any loss that is significant in your life can cause grief. You might feel sad, lost, lonely, or angry. These are some of the normal feelings associated with loss.
  2. Change can provoke a sense of loss, too. Every change in life – moving, having a baby, getting a new job – entails both good and bad, the possibilities of what is in store as well as the loss of what is left behind.
  3. There is no timeline for grief! Despite what others may believe, or what you might also think, grief happens on its own terms. You can neither predict nor hasten how you will experience grief.
  4. Be gentle and patient with yourself when you are grieving. There will be days or weeks that seem more “normal” to you, but you may have what you feel are setbacks – moments of frustration, longing for what once was and is no longer, a crying spell after hearing a song.
  5. Grief involves physical and emotional changes in your life, but don’t neglect the spiritual dimension of grief. Our faith tells us that suffering is not lost upon God when we hand it to Him with humility and sincerity. Suffering is redemptive in this way.
  6. Find ways to process your pain. For some, this includes journaling memories or perhaps creating visual art. For others, it might be taking a walk, talking to a trusted friend or pastor, Eucharistic Adoration.

My hope is that we will shift our focus from eschewing suffering to embracing it. A wonderful devotion for those who are suffering is the Divine Mercy chaplet and novena. We would all do well to extend mercy to ourselves and others who are grieving a loss.

(Note: I will include a separate post about Divine Mercy related to grief at a later date.)

Paraphrased from my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph.

Text (c) Jeannie Ewing 2018, all rights reserved. Photo by Francisco Moreno on Unsplash

Proclaiming Christ Crucified

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“Hear now, all you who fear God, while I declare
what he has done for me.
When I appealed to him in words,
praise was on the tip of my tongue” (Psalm 66: 16-17).

While driving to an appointment to have my blood drawn this week, I caught about five minutes of Ave Maria Radio’s Dr. Ray Guarendi having a discussion with a priest about how the understanding of Salvation differs between Catholics and Protestants (the “saved by faith, not works” error).

Just as I was pulling up to the blood lab, Dr. Guarendi posed a question to the audience that went something like, “If Jesus asked you right now why you should go to Heaven, what would you say?”

Wanting to know the genuineness of my heart, I turned off the car with expectation, eager to hear aloud what my answer might be.

With joy, my answer flowed out of me like a river down a mountain with the power to create a gorge below. Using my smart phone I spoke, and later listened to the convictions of my soul:

“Because I love You.”

“You’re beautiful. Breathtaking. You breathed life into me.

You let me feel Your Presence after waiting so long for me to turn to You. When I realized I was nothing without You, You showed up. Just like that.

You sent your Spirit to teach me, and in between, You healed Me. You answered my prayers and didn’t leave me. You still answer my prayers every day. You speak to me through others and give me light to know it’s You. When I adore You, I receive Your Wisdom and Understanding, even if for a moment. You let me understand and accept when You say “no,” and you smile with me when You say “yes!”

I see You in the person You created to be my husband and am amazed how his inner and outer beauty came from within Your Sacred Heart as You created him.

You give me Your beauty to think about, to dream of, to live by, to gather and give to others, and now I see that beauty in other souls.

You changed my heart.

I’m able to learn from Your lessons in humility and can thank You instead of cowering; smoldering.

Lord, You know I want to see you and spend Eternity with You. I want to say, “I love you” Face to face, because You are the beauty I long for each morning and the peace I sleep with each night. The thought of not spending forever with you makes me shudder and crumble.

Mercy. You are so merciful and kind. If I were to fall at the last moment of my life, I know You’d give me one moment more to tell You I’m sorry and you’d forgive me with Your open Heart of Love.

I’m so grateful You allowed me to have a friendship with You while still on earth; while still young enough to enjoy living the miracle of it. Today I understand You to the extent that I can today and I have confidence that tomorrow it will increase by Your Grace and my perseverance.”

I left my car and went into the lab with the fire of the Holy Spirit and sat down in what I always call, “the blood seat.”

“Which arm do you want me to use?” the nurse asked.

I’ve had blood draws more times in the last ten years than I’ve had my entire life and they’ve never bothered me in the least. But this time, still thinking about our Lord, my thoughts turned to His Blood. I thought about the Roman soldiers scourging Him and the immense pain He endured. And here I was going to get one little needle prick and was feeling uneasy. “Lord,” I prayed…this time I offer up these three vials of blood for You and for what You endured for me.”  In went the needle and it BURNED and HURT like never before and seemed to go on forever. [Be careful what you pray for!]

When the needle was out and the nurse was labeling the vials, I looked up and noticed a small sign in front of me that read, LET YOUR PHLEBOTOMIST KNOW IF YOU HAVE AN ALLERGY TO LATEX.

The nurse asked if I was ok. Through my tears, I blurted, “The soldiers beat Jesus and tortured Him and then crucified Him, and never once did they give him a chance to let His phlebotomists know whether He was allergic to latex.”

She chuckled, but though amusing I chose not to partake, and dried my tears. Her face changed and she said, “I love Jesus too.”

I left the office wondering what her list might sound like out loud, but then realized that was between her and the same Christ who loves her just as large as He loves me.

***

“When I came to you, brothers and sisters, I did not come proclaiming the mystery of God to you in lofty words or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and him crucified. And I came to you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling. My speech and my proclamation were not with plausible words of wisdom, but with a demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might rest not on human wisdom but on the power of God.”
(1 Corinthians 2:1-5)