Amazing Catechists

Teaching and learning the faith together

Advent Tips: Manage Time, Reduce Stress, and Have a Happier, Healthier Christmas

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(Note: The following article is based on my recent appearance on Relevant Radio.)

How are we supposed to enjoy Advent, when we’re more rushed and more stressed than ever before in the history of humanity?

Or are we?

Author and popular podcaster Gretchen Rubin shared an excerpt from Little House in the Ozarks, a collection of articles Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote for regional newspapers and magazines in the 1920s while living on a farm in rural Missouri:

“We are so overwhelmed with things these days that our lives are all, more or less, cluttered. I believe it is this, rather than a shortness of time, that gives us that feeling of hurry and almost of helplessness. Everyone is hurrying and usually just a little late. Notice the faces of the people who rush past on the streets or on our country roads! They nearly all have a strained, harassed look, and anyone you meet will tell you there is no time for anything anymore.” —Laura Ingalls Wilder

It sure does seem like managing stress has always been needed! So, let’s consult a couple of experts. I’ll be drawing from Time Management: A Catholic Perspective, by Marshall J. Cook and from a wonderful webinar by Allison Ricciardi, owner of TheRaphaelRemedy.com (tips on stress, using natural remedies—especially essential oils) and Chantal Howard, the owner and creator of AromaRosaries.

Tip #1: Time management isn’t always about a lack of time.

Sometimes we are averse to tasks and they create stress for us because they’re not getting done.

  • Think about them differently (positive reframing)
    1. Instead of “all that decorating” that has to be done, let’s set out to reveal beauty to our families. We’re all a little broken-hearted over someone we love who has left the Church; let’s let God speak through beauty and touch their hearts in unexpected ways.
    2. Instead of procrastinating and griping about all the housework on that to-do list, let’s thank God for a house to clean, clothes to wash, and loved ones to serve!
  • Break the avoidance/overwhelm cycle and schedule the tasks we usually avoid–and stick to the schedule!
  • Science tells us that small rewards to celebrate progress actually impact our brains, boosting creativity and refreshing our minds! So go ahead and buy flowers for yourself, read a few chapters of a good book, or meet a friend for coffee. It’s good for your brain!

Tip #2: When you make time for a task, you don’t actually create more time. You take it from something else.

MAKE TIME: Simplifying as much as you possibly can, to allow for the added activities and tasks of Advent

  • No, you DON’T have to buy them all gifts. (Hear my story in this radio interview!)
  • Ask each person in your family what one thing really makes it feel like Christmas for them, and make sure to do those things.
  • Paring down the card list is just smart. Don’t be a slave to that list you’ve been accumulating for years. Cut it down and save both money and time.
  • Speaking of money, setting a budget and working within it can really brighten your spirits. It’s empowering to take control. Build in a little margin for that special “find” or the person you forgot to put on your list, but stay as close to your budget as possible.
  • SWAP some habitual activities (social media, phone, web surfing) for activities that hold greater value (prayer, time with family, trips outdoors, celebrations, crafting, decorating)
  • Delegate tasks as much as possible (sometimes hire help, if needed). Your family can work as a team, your little ones can learn, and you can be building something a little less perfect than if you did it yourself–but a lot more fun: a happy Christmas that everyone contributed to!
  • Multitask in fun ways. Rather than stressing out and staying up late, plan a time to listen to music or watch a Christmas movie while you bake, write a few cards, or decorate the tree.

Tip #3: Waiting can be a good thing:

  • If you’re stressing out in traffic jams, post-office lines, doctor’s offices–TURN THE WAIT INTO A REST.
    • Stress can restrict our breathing, so–while you wait–let some of that good air God created flow in–and out, and then…
    • Let your mind delve into a beautiful memory (the face of someone you love, a time you felt really happy and peaceful, a scent that lifts your spirits).
    • Face up to what is stressing you out! Picture it vividly–is it a clock spinning its arms wildly, screaming that you’re late?–then imagine it being captured in a translucent bubble and release it–letting it float away.

Tip #4: Self-Care, so Everyone is Feeling Good on Christmas Day

  • Stay hydrated for healthy body systems
  • Eating early and fasting late: a great rule for weight and energy control
  • Vitamin D: even in small daily doses, D is great for mood regulation and weight loss
  • Get outside! Spending time outdoors provides short-term benefits by relieving mental fatigue and long-term benefits by improving your overall health
  • Grazing with small snacks throughout the day is healthier than 3 squares plus snacks
  • Rest when you’re weary (NAPS are a great idea at any age and can do you a world of good)
  • Limit TV and go to bed on time–just do it!
  • Schedule the hard stuff. Plan to do the most challenging tasks during your peak energy/focus hours. This is very individual, so take a good look at your planner and rearrange it to fit your natural rhythms, as much as possible.
  • Oils work wonders!
    • lemon or other citrus oils support metabolism and help detox the body
    • lavender is calming, healing, and helps reduce inflammation and infection
    • frankincense, which is used in churches, enhances meditation, relaxation, builds immunity, refreshes the skin
    • diffuse oils to clear out pathogens in the home
      • cinnamon leaf
      • clove
      • lemon, grapefruit, wild orange
      • tea tree (melaleuca)
      • oregano
      • sage
      • rosemary
      • thyme
      • eucalyptus
      • frankincense
  • (For tons more information on boosting health and wellbeing with essential oils, from a Catholic perspective, see TheRaphaelRemedy.com)

Tip #5: For More of That Wonderful Christmas Spirit

  • What is your best quiet time? Schedule morning or evening prayer, daily throughout Advent (and hopefully beyond)
  • JUST 5-10 minutes of reading, daily (choose a cool Catholic book). Here are some hearty recommendations:
  • In the CAR, your spirit will go far: Prayer CDs, beautiful music, the Rosary–use your travel time for reveling in the beauty and wonder of the season.

Bonus Tip: Here’s a Super-Cool Catholic Gift Idea–Rosaries that diffuse essential oils!!!

These AromaRosary gifts are beneficial to your health and your spiritual life, and the owners are faithful Catholics who support beautiful ministries with their business!

AromaRosaries:

  • Crafted to Diffuse Essential Oils
  • Solid Bronze Metal Crucifix and Center
  • 4 Sample Oils with Every Rosary
  • Every Rosary Blesses a Ministry

Have a blessed and beautiful Advent!

[Stock images from Pixabay.com]

3 Ways to Find Meaning in Your Suffering

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If you’re Catholic, you’ve undoubtedly heard from someone, somewhere: “Offer it up.” It’s an unfortunate cliche nowadays, but it doesn’t have to be.

Suffering has merit if we don’t waste it. Our grief can become an immense gift not only to God but also to others. Through time, as we learn to manage our struggles with more patience and perseverance, we will learn that God has perhaps hidden something specific we can use from our experience with loss: mission.

Everyone wants a purpose in life, and we all were born with one. Yet unveiling it as we grow up and grow old doesn’t always happen clearly or smoothly. Sometimes it doesn’t happen at all.

Though God never intended for suffering, disease, sin, and death to enter into our lives, we must handle the consequences of Original Sin (thanks Adam and Eve) somehow. Jesus was the One to show us how.

Without the sin of our First Parents, we would never have needed Jesus. We wouldn’t have known Him or had the opportunity to be reconciled to Him. I wonder if we would have ever truly understood love. Through the example of Christ in His Passion, we can find meaning in our suffering, too.

Here are three ways you might come to grow as a result of whatever loss you are struggling to make sense of right now:

  1. Discover your mission. There are enough suffering people in this world who need something that you have to offer. Maybe you understand firsthand the pain of loving someone with an addiction. You might become an addictions counselor. Or maybe your grief relates to losing a spouse slowly to the formidable death of Alzheimer’s. Your purpose might be to volunteer at a nursing home and talk with family members about what to expect or ask them questions about how they are handling the diagnosis.
  2. Recognize that joy can exist with sorrow. In fact, you might experience both simultaneously. It’s very strange to explain, but it happens. And if it has happened to you, then you know exactly what I mean. Don’t settle for the falsehood that you have to pursue worldly, selfish “happiness” that only means doing what feels good in the moment. True joy is about sacrifice. It entails hard work, self-denial. It is a large part of your cross and could be particular to your grief journey. Be a witness to others who are in or near despair that a joy-filled life is possible!
  3. Accompany others. Remember that healing does not occur in isolation. A beautiful and mysterious gift contained in your grief may be that you walk with someone who is in a very raw stage of emotional pain. Grief may be new to them right now. But you have been there for a while, and you know that the intensity of those emotions eventually dies down. Sit with them. Be with them. The gift of presence is the most powerful and transformative of anything else you could offer. In turn, you might discover greater healing for yourself, too.

In God there is no darkness. Let your life reflect His light, then. Place your lamp on a lamp stand instead of under a bushel basket. Don’t hide in shame because of your loss. Be authentic and sincere to others, and they will see Jesus in you.

Paraphrased from my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph.

Text (c) Jeannie Ewing 2018, all rights reserved. Photo by Roberto Nickson (@g) on Unsplash

 

Healing After Grief Through Divine Mercy

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By now, most of us have been inundated with information about the Divine Mercy devotion popularized through St. Faustina’s Diary. But have we learned about how divine mercy itself aids us through grief as a healing balm for our wounds? Probably not.

It’s easy to take care of yourself in the immediate aftermath of loss: you make sure you are fed, clean, and get adequate rest. You drink enough water. You might take a walk or sit down to read a book. But what about the condition of your soul? Certainly we are a composite of mind, body, and soul, which are all intricately interconnected.

But we cannot neglect our souls. In fact, I strongly believe that, when we don’t face our deepest inner turmoil from a spiritual perspective, we will not ever be completely healed.

How does divine mercy give us the grace to experience lasting peace and permanent healing? I am not implying that grace alone will solve all of your suffering, nor that it’s not important – necessary at times, even – to seek medical or professional help in addition to turning to your faith. What I am saying is that if you truly wish to be deeply healed, you simply cannot overlook the value of sacramental grace.

Here is a way for you to understand how divine mercy plays an integral role in grief healing:

Divine mercy is the only means by which we can be fully restored and made whole after we have incurred grave losses. It’s not His obligation, but He cannot deny us this because of love. Mercy is the way God reaches our torn and tattered hearts after betrayals and breakups (p. 125 in my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph).

If you need some practical ways to experience the power of Divine Mercy, start with these:

  • Frequent the Sacrament of Mercy – Reconciliation. Better yet, frequent the Sacraments of Healing together – Reconciliation and the Eucharist.
  • Read about God’s incredible mercy in the Psalms.
  • Pray to St. Faustina for a deeper understanding of how much God’s love envelops you in your pain.
  • Offer your misery to Jesus as a gift. His mercy will transform your heart.
  • Be merciful to both yourself and others. This means being more patient and kinder than necessary. Remember the quote, “Be kinder than necessary. Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle”? Keep that in mind regarding the message of mercy.
  • Practice the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy. Pray about which one or two God is inviting you to try rather than committing to all of them. Base your selection on your specific gifts, talents, personality, lifestyle, and the time you have.

Consider this quote from the Diary of St. Faustina (no. 1273). Read it as if Jesus is speaking directly to your heart. Ponder it throughout the week. Ask the Lord to reveal to you what it means for your particular cross right now:

There is no misery that could be a match for My mercy, neither will misery exhaust it, because as it is being granted, it increases. The soul that trusts in My mercy is most fortunate, because I Myself take care of it.

Friends, faith alone will not solve all of your ills. Neither, though, will prescriptions and therapy. Remember that your soul is the center, the wellspring of your existence. From it flows the Spring of Eternal Life. Access this spring so that you might discover true and lasting healing through mercy, as well as the other ways you care for your health.

I believe if we “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness,” then truly “all these things will be given to you besides” (see Matthew 6:33).

Adapted from my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph.

Text (c) Jeannie Ewing 2018, all rights reserved. Photo by Fischer Twins on Unsplash

 

The 6 Spiritual Principles of Moving Through Grief

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Grief is one of those tricky, delicate, often nebulous life phenomena that is tough to pinpoint and define. We all suffer differently, and we all experience grief in a very personal, unique way. Even so, I’ve found that there are some universal strategies – what I call “spiritual principles” – that can really aid all of us when we are seeking healing after devastating loss.

In my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph, I delve more deeply into these principles, how they work together, and what they might look like for you as you move through your grief journey. But there’s no panacea as to how you will experience each of these principles. They are intended to be guideposts, not certainties, in your spiritual journey toward healing.

The 6 spiritual principles of moving through grief are:

  • Humility of Heart:
    • This is the foundation of all other principles, because it requires us to move from self-pity (“woe is me” attitude) toward focus on God.
    • Opportunities to grow in humility tend to come in the form of humiliations; when grieving, these can include unexpected weeping to a compassionate stranger or permitting a neighbor to clean our house.
    • Requires vulnerability – allowing God to tear down our emotional barricades, being transparent to others
  • Abandonment to Divine Providence:
    • Builds upon the first principle (humility), because our hearts need to be receptive by way of humility. Pride closes and hardens our hearts.
    • This receptivity allows us to move to a place in which we long to please God, even in the midst of mystery.
    • Abandonment, or surrender, is acquired through acts that try one’s patience and foster perseverance.
    • A person who is ready to enter into this principle has a heart and mind that is open, ready, and willing to hand over our wants and needs into God’s hands without needless worry or concern.
  • Holy Indifference:
    • Based on the Ignatian concept that if the soul “is attached or inclined to a thing inordinately, that [person] should move himself, putting forth all his strength, to come to the contrary of what he is wrongly drawn to.”
    • It is NOT apathy or indifference. It does not mean we no longer care about our circumstances, only that we surrender (second principle) our needs, cares, and concerns without expecting a specific outcome to our prayer.
    • It is the third principle, because one must have begun the journey into humility and abandonment before the ability to be content with a “yes” or “no” or “not yet” answer from God to our prayers.
    • Related to holy detachment
  • The Dark Night of the Soul (e.g., Holy Darkness):
    • Focused on fidelity to God in the face of self-emptiness.
    • Acquired through time, temptations, trials, and tribulations.
    • Feeling as if God has forsaken or abandoned you; feeling spiritually dry or alone.
    • If you’re in a state of grace (e.g., no mortal sin staining your soul, and you are staying close to the sacraments of Eucharist and Confession), then the emptiness and loneliness you feel may be this holy darkness.
    • NOT the same as the darkness caused by sin or consequences of sin (including spiritual attack).
  • Confidence in God’s Timing:
    • “Thank God ahead of time for whatever He sees is best for [you]…Courage is half the battle – confidence in God is the soul of prayer – foster the latter and you have both.” (Bl. Solanus Casey)
    • In your period of mourning, when you are feeling empty, exhausted, possibly abandoned by God and others – cultivate gratitude. Think of your past and all the ways God has delivered or blessed you. Then, thank Him for what He is doing in your life that you cannot see and entrust your entire present and future into His hands (2nd principle – surrender).
    • When we thank God for our pain and sorrow, as well as our joys and celebrations, we make everything a holy gift that He, in turn, molds into a facet of healing, strength, and peace for us.
  • The Wound of the Heart:
    • This is a mystical concept based on St. Therese of Lisieux’s spirituality: “I offer myself as a victim of holocaust to your merciful love.”
    • When we pray without expectation of a certain outcome (holy indifference, 3rd principle), and when we thank God for all He is doing and will be doing in our lives (confidence/gratitude, 5th principle), then we will accept that our pain may not be taken away from us. Instead, it may be transformed into love.
    • “Martyrdom of the heart” or “white martyrdom” that some saints experienced – a piercing of the heart and soul that causes a “wound of love.” In other words, our grief and suffering may become the best gift of love we can unite with the wounds of Jesus.
    • This principle teaches us how to suffer well.

Adapted from my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph.

Text (c) Jeannie Ewing 2018, all rights reserved. Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

How Laughter Can Help When You’re Grieving

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Laughter might be the last thing on your mind when you’ve lost a loved one, a job, a home, or are experiencing financial difficulty. Even if you’re a good-natured person inherently, it’s hard to see beyond the struggle when you’re in the midst of it.

Despite this reality, engaging in a hearty belly laugh now and then is surprisingly very healing, both physiologically and emotionally. Laughter accesses the limbic system, the part of our brains that houses emotional processing and responses. When you laugh so hard you cry, you’re actually reaping double benefits, too: Research shows evidence that tears shed during times of extreme stress have a different chemical makeup than those shed when you’re temporarily sad.

Here are some ways laughter can help you when you’re grieving:

  • Find a funny friend and suggest a night out. If you can’t get out, invite him/her over. Let loose and allow yourself to double over with puns, slapstick, dry, or whatever type of humor triggers your funny bone.
  • Watch your favorite comedy. Or try a stand-up comedian. Ben and I really love the “clean comics” Brian Regan and Jim Gaffigan. They never fail to make us wheeze with laughter.
  • Do something fun. “Fun” is almost always the last thing on everyone’s list when they are grieving. Even if you can’t imagine going out, do it anyway. Your mind, body, and soul need a break.
  • Read a funny book. If you don’t know of any, ask around.
  • Look for humorous memes online. There are plenty. All you have to do is Google!

Though it might seem frivolous or trite, it’s important to take time out to relax, regroup, and find something refreshing to help you refocus on the joys in life. Even if you burst into guffaws at the oddest moments or for the strangest reasons, go with it. I can’t explain the times when Ben and I have shared a good belly laugh over something like an inside joke or a ridiculous story or comment. There’s something very healing and cathartic that occurs.

When you laugh, you clear your mind. Your body’s tension will loosen, and you will feel the visceral response of stress leaving your body, and you will feel stronger and more capable of tackling all the burdens you are facing.

Paraphrased from my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph.

Text (c) Jeannie Ewing 2018, all rights reserved. Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash

What is Grief?

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Popular counselors tend to affirm the common definition of grief in our western culture: that it is a period of designated mourning following the death of a loved one. While this is certainly true, it is a narrow and limited understanding of what grief encompasses. Perhaps that’s why it’s so hard for most of us to recognize when we are grieving.

What I have learned, both from personal experience and in my professional background, is that grief includes any significant and devastating loss. This could be the death of your beloved pet; the sudden loss of your job; a child born with a genetic condition or disability (as in our case); a spouse who has left you; caring for an elderly parent who is suffering from dementia; struggling in the aftermath of sexual assault; recovering from PTSD as a military veteran; making ends meet as a single mother; healing after abortion; hidden sorrow from a miscarriage or stillbirth.

There are countless life circumstances that trigger our grief experiences. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it does help to get us thinking – or rethinking – about what grief is and how it affects us when life goes in a direction other than what we’d imagined.

Here are some points to remember when you are grieving:

  1. Any loss that is significant in your life can cause grief. You might feel sad, lost, lonely, or angry. These are some of the normal feelings associated with loss.
  2. Change can provoke a sense of loss, too. Every change in life – moving, having a baby, getting a new job – entails both good and bad, the possibilities of what is in store as well as the loss of what is left behind.
  3. There is no timeline for grief! Despite what others may believe, or what you might also think, grief happens on its own terms. You can neither predict nor hasten how you will experience grief.
  4. Be gentle and patient with yourself when you are grieving. There will be days or weeks that seem more “normal” to you, but you may have what you feel are setbacks – moments of frustration, longing for what once was and is no longer, a crying spell after hearing a song.
  5. Grief involves physical and emotional changes in your life, but don’t neglect the spiritual dimension of grief. Our faith tells us that suffering is not lost upon God when we hand it to Him with humility and sincerity. Suffering is redemptive in this way.
  6. Find ways to process your pain. For some, this includes journaling memories or perhaps creating visual art. For others, it might be taking a walk, talking to a trusted friend or pastor, Eucharistic Adoration.

My hope is that we will shift our focus from eschewing suffering to embracing it. A wonderful devotion for those who are suffering is the Divine Mercy chaplet and novena. We would all do well to extend mercy to ourselves and others who are grieving a loss.

(Note: I will include a separate post about Divine Mercy related to grief at a later date.)

Paraphrased from my book, From Grief to Grace: The Journey from Tragedy to Triumph.

Text (c) Jeannie Ewing 2018, all rights reserved. Photo by Francisco Moreno on Unsplash

Learning to Live with Mystery

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The Christian worldview is chock full of mystery.  How Jesus is both true God and true Man; how God is Three Persons but One Substance; how Jesus comes to us–body, blood, soul, and divinity–under the appearances of bread and wine: these are some of the great mysteries of our faith.  We are steeped in these mysteries, and we are comfortable (for the most part) that our finite minds cannot fully comprehend the greatness of God.  After all, some say, how much of a god is a God who is completely understood?

The mysteries of each other, however–those mysteries engender more discomfort.  Whenever we hear of a tragedy intentionally perpetrated, the first question is usually “Why?”  Why would someone do that?  We seek to understand, because somehow understanding brings with it some measure of comfort.

But what if we can’t understand?  And what if the mystery is closer to our own hearts: someone close to us who has hurt us unimaginably?  When we try to sort out “why?” or “how could he?”–well, that mystery is almost unbearable.

I had always held closely a hope that when my father died, the mystery of his activities and his intentions would be solved.  He passed away recently, and along with the grief of losing a parent and the shock of its suddenness, comes the grief that the mystery–instead of being revealed–has instead become more clouded and more strange.

What do we do when we must live with the mysteries of a human soul that we cannot penetrate?  Clearly, I will not know more about my father’s thoughts, motivations, or activities in this life.  The pieces simply don’t fit together no matter how many times I have turned them over in my mind.

When a painful mystery of life so presses upon our minds and hearts that it feels like murky waters poised to engulf us, it seems to me that we have two options.  We can struggle against it, flailing our limbs in an attempt to stay upright.  We can try to analyze the mystery and expend untold energy and time trying to unravel events, sort out truth, and understand the motivations of another’s heart.

Sometimes, though, we simply can’t fathom the answer.  In that event, not all is lost, for we can learn to float.  We can submit to our human nature.  The fact is, we were not made to know all–certainly not the workings that lie at the bottom of another’s soul.  We can adopt a posture of humility and lie peacefully atop the surface of the water.  One way saps strength; the other preserves it.  One keeps our eyes fixed on the sphere below; the other trains our eyes toward heaven.

Fortunately, truth isn’t only a set of facts but is a Person.  I can choose to rest in Truth, who is Jesus Christ.  Here I accept the finite nature of my human mind and yield to the God who is infinite but who loves me so completely that he came to me in history and comes to me in the Mass.  I don’t understand the mystery of my father, but He does.  Furthermore, if it were to my soul’s good that I unravel the mystery surrounding my dad, He would show it to me.  He hasn’t yet.  He might one day, but today and all days, I can rest in utter assurance that not knowing must be for my best.

When you encounter a mystery in life that cannot be solved–learn to float. You might catch a glimpse of heaven.

Text copyright 2018 Amanda Woodiel.  Photo by Pexels (2016) via Pixabay, CCO Public Domain.

My Hand In Yours, Our Hands In His – Marriage Workbook!

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Kimberly Cook

I had the joy of talking with Kimberly Cook–Catholic blogger, author, mom, and mental health professional–about her new marriage workbook. I’m so excited to share this on the one Valentine’s Day that begins on Ash Wednesday! Isn’t love about dying to self and imitating Christ?

Lisa: Tell me about the marriage workbook. How did it come to be and what was the inspiration behind it?

Kimberly: I worked in church ministries for many years before getting married and have always heard a lot of criticism about how the Church is lacking in good continuing formation for married couples. I found this to be a common problem, with parishes lacking resources that had to be searched for by the diligent faithful in order to obtain them. Another challenge for faith-based marriage resources is getting couples to commit to participating. Many spouses are not willing to be part of a marriage retreat or parish group. For these reasons, I decided to develop a mini-retreat from home!

Lisa: What an awesome idea. I had a chance to read through much of the program, and I was very impressed. Explain how the Marriage Workbook is laid out and what the format is that couples follow?

Kimberly: Thanks! The couples enter into a simple and guided course, from the comfort of their own homes, and at their own pace. Each week highlights one of the seven virtues, specifically as it applies to the vocation of marriage. Each chapter explains the virtue in practical terms and then offers study nights, with an accompanying scripture verse, discussion nights, and reflection nights. The expected amount of time each week is three nights of 20-30 minutes each.

Lisa: That sounds so do-able. I love it. Who is this Workbook meant for and how can benefit from using it?

Kimberly: The Workbook is meant for the average Catholic in the pew, but can be delved into much more deeply for those who have a more advanced understanding of the faith. The Workbook is specifically designed for couples who are at least a few years into marriage, and the priest who is overseeing the development and review of the Workbook says that he would like to see couples do this Workbook every 5 years of their marriage.

Lisa: That sounds so wise. I think we need to check back in with each other in different phases of our lives. What are your goals for the program?

Kimberly: Our hope is that, in offering married couples a material with a solid formation, rooted in the virtues, they will be more inclined to work through and grow in their marriage covenant with one another – particularly as it is able to be encountered privately in the home.

Lisa: Wonderful! Okay readers, just click any of the images in this post to be taken to Kimberly’s blog page, where you can order the workbook for yourself and your Valentine! Thank you, so much, Kimberly!

Christ: The Divine Baggage Handler

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to-heaven-web

Have you ever arrived at the airport determined to carry your own bags to your check -in line without the assistance of a baggage handler?  You figured you could avoid that tip and start your vacation on a money saving note.  For every passenger “going it alone” there is another asking for help with one carry-on bag trying to avoid breaking a nail or getting sweaty.  In between, of course, are the passengers who may have physical limitations preventing them from carrying heavy bags, or the families which divide the task to lessen the load.

Let’s face it; carrying heavy bags is no fun and, most people, given a chance, would avoid this task as much as possible.  The problem, of course, is that many people do not want to pay the expected tip to the baggage handler.  If the service was completely free, many more people would take advantage of the help. Others refuse to acknowledge that they need the help, and can often be seen proclaiming “I got it” as they risk a double hernia and wrap a third bag around their neck.  The reality is that we all carry luggage from time to time, whether we like it or not.

Like many people, I have unpleasant memories of carrying heavy bags.  Whether the load was a schoolbag ready to burst with books and assignments,  luggage ready to burst with too many clothes for not enough vacation time, or shopping bags ready to burst with too many purchases with not enough money, I have come to associate luggage and bags with annoying burdens.

If dragging a small inheritance around is such a drag, one might wonder why so many of us do it so often.  Sometimes, we may have no choice, as when we simply must take many things somewhere.  Many times, however, the load is our own doing, and the burden is our own creation.

I once read that we could reduce the amount and weight of what we lug around by 80% if we simply planned ahead, seriously examined whether or not we needed some of the stuff we carry, and made a determined effort to be more efficient.   One study concluded that at least half of what we drag around is stuff that we always drag around because we are too lazy or distracted to remove it or decide if it is necessary at the present.  In other words, more than half of our burdens, our luggage, and the heavy physical, emotional, and intellectual heavy lifting we do come from habit. We develop a script, a menu, a  to- do list, a set of daily ingredients, and then we wrap ourselves around that stuff as if it were a flotation device or a life jacket.  Regardless of how much luggage we drag around,  we can classify said baggage into  four distinct categories as described below.

Harms………This is the stuff we have done wrong, otherwise known as our sins.  Many people accumulate loads of sinful baggage which they refuse to unload out of pride, embarrassment, or fear.  I do not know about you, but I feel like a giant weight has been removed when I go to confession.  Imagine tons of this garbage piling up in your conscience and life and realize how the task of removal only gets more difficult and less likely with time.

Hiccups…..These are the regrets in our lives.  We all carry loads of old life stories and issues with us. The class I did not study for, the job I did not take, the person I did not ask out, and the care for my health that I did not take seriously enough are just some examples.  Life is like a newspaper.  We should read  and learn from the news and then throw the old paper away.  Living in the past is a terrible prison and weight on our lives.

Hopes….These are the things we are dying to do, achieve, or experience.  Perhaps you want to retire at a certain age, or maybe you want to earn or save a certain amount of money by a given age in the future.  Many call these hopes their bucket list, or things they want to do before they die. It is one thing to aspire, plan, and work toward goals.  Likewise, it is commendable to strategize, build, and focus on a given task. However, it is a counterproductive, virtual life prison to wrap your entire life around constantly working toward these hopes 24/7.

Hurts….These are the wounds others have inflicted on us.  How often do we drag around resentments and bitterness while the person who hurt us is oblivious or could not care less.  We think that we are using this anger as a weapon of revenge, but we are only hurting ourselves.  Ignoring the culprit feels right as you do it but, in the long run, such things only breed more hurt and harm.

The solution to all of this, of course, is to let Christ be your Divine Baggage Handler.  Leave all of this stuff in His hands, and have faith that He will take care of your luggage.  The only tips you need to give Him are your love, obedience, faith, trust, and devotion.  So, the next time you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, take a load off via Christ and give yourself a break.

2016  Gabriel Garnica

 

The Best Way to Handle Suffering is to EAT it !

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Been There, Done That?

We all feel acquainted enough with suffering to fancy ourselves authorities on the subject. Certainly, whether we admit it or not, we mingle much of the suffering in our lives with equal parts resentment, bitterness, anger, and whining.  In fact, we often add cries of injustice as a frosting to this exercise in self.  Look, I do not pretend for a second that many people have not experienced more than their fair share of terrible suffering, injustice, and pain.  Neither do I dare ignore the fact that many people seem to fall from one misfortune to another while others seemingly dance through life like privileged elites immune to tears and fears.  I have an aunt, for example, whose life has been nothing but a series of illnesses, bad breaks, and unfair results.  She ended up in a wheelchair at an early age and things have only gotten worse since then, leaving her practically blind today as well.

Unfairness is Part of Life

The reality is that people experience different kinds and levels of suffering, completely independent of their relative goodness, innocence, fault, or success.  Some already happy, healthy, and successful people never seem to suffer; while many depressed, unhealthy, and unlucky folks seem to only receive more suffering on top of their present struggles.

Saints certainly do not have a get-out-of –jail card when it comes to suffering.   Most of them experienced one difficulty after another, a litany of misfortunes, and enough unfairness to last a few lifetimes.  The fact that being closer to God often only means suffering more than others only adds to this whole perception of suffering as random unfairness  inflicted on us by a God munching on popcorn while we cry.

Follow the Leader

It is at this point, when we are almost ready to toss up our hands in disgust and refuse to participate any further in this seemingly twisted game of pain, however, that we need to pause, take a reality check, and get a grip. First, let us consider that Our Lord, the most innocent and faultless person that ever lived, suffered far more than any human ever will, for sins He did not commit, at the hands and accusations of people steeped in sin themselves.  Second, note that Christ did not let this stupendous injustice deter Him from exhibiting forgiveness, kindness, and compassion toward even those who caused His suffering. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, realize that Our Lord provided us with the most powerful and effective strategy for transcending suffering, and even using it as a vehicle for sanctification and salvation. Simply stated, and promoted by such greats of our Faith as St. Alphonsus Liguori, that strategy is to EAT the suffering in our lives.

E………….First, we must embrace whatever suffering comes our way just as Christ embraced His cross.  Anne Catherine Emmerich, the great mystic, even wrote that Our Lord kissed His cross upon receiving it. Being a Christian means following Christ, and following Christ means following Him as we carry our relatively small crosses.  We cannot carry our crosses if we do not embrace them upon receiving them. We can never accept something unless we first embrace it and hold it. In the context of suffering, then, we must first pick up our crosses and embrace them if we pretend to emulate He who willingly embraced His cross. Embracing in this context is more the physical and actual interaction with the suffering that faces us. The cancer patient who follows the doctor’s orders and undergoes the numerous tests and procedures instead of sitting home avoiding what is necessary to do is a prime example of someone who is embracing suffering rather than avoiding it.

A…………Second, we must move beyond merely embracing our suffering and learn to accept it.  Embracing and accepting in this context do not mean the same thing.  Simon embraced Christ’s cross, but unwillingly at first. St. Catherine Emmerich tells us that, as Simon connected with Who Christ was and what He was doing, he came to feel compassion for Him and more willingly embraced the task he had initially accepted by force.   When the above cancer patient moves beyond merely undergoing tests to refraining from crying “Why me” or cursing at everyone in sight, acceptance has begun.

T…………Once we have truly embraced and accepted the suffering that comes our way, out of a desire to please God or avoid offending Him, we need to move to the next and final phase in confronting suffering with an eye toward Heaven. In order to sanctify our suffering, we must transform that suffering from a bad thing we tolerate into a good thing we relish.  No, I have not lost my mind, but if we do not take this final step we may well lose our chance to use our earthly sufferings as the steps toward Heaven.

Three Step Toward Sanctification and Salvation

Embracing suffering is akin to willingly going to a drug store, buying, and then drinking unpleasant medicine.  It is an external compliance, acknowledgement, and consent to the need to take that medicine, regardless of how unpleasant that medicine may be.  Accepting that suffering, however, goes beyond that.  It occurs when we internalize the external compliance and move from merely going through the motions to avoid trouble, criticism, or looking bad. This is akin to taking the unpleasant medicine regularly as prescribed because we turn the task into a desired habit toward the goal of becoming better. Likewise, when we internalize suffering and see it as a chance for grace and sanctification, we have begun to accept that suffering as something useful, albeit unpleasant, which is better than bitterly cursing it.

The final, and most important step, however, is when we transform suffering from something unpleasant we tolerate for a purpose into something blessed and privileged that we relish as a gift from God.  You heard it right, suffering in this world is a gift from God that few ever embrace, accept, much less transform.

 

The Sacred Secret to Transforming Suffering

The secret to transforming suffering from a tolerated unpleasant chore into a relished pleasant blessing is not to be found in human nature or experience, for our weak and superficial humanity is incapable of ever truly rejoicing in the face of pain, suffering, misfortune, or mistreatment. In fact, human nature dictates just the opposite and, more often than not, suggests that we gripe, curse, blame, play the victim card, experience envy, or seek revenge.  Sadly, human nature would have us lose whatever graces we may have been able to scrape from tolerating suffering for the sake of our eternal salvation.  Few of us, if any, have the dedication, strength, and resolve to tolerate unpleasantness for so long and for such a wavering reason.  How then, did the saints do it?  Was it because they possessed some supernatural, inner gift that we are incapable of finding within ourselves?  Gladly, the answer is that we each possess the secret strategy to follow in the steps of the saints to transform suffering from a tolerated unpleasant thing into a desired blessing.

As described by Alphonsus Liguori and Fulton Sheen, the secret is to simply accept everything, good and bad, that happens in your life as coming from God for a purpose perhaps only known to Him which is consistent with your salvation and mission in life.  More often than not our gripes, complaints, and distaste for suffering come from seeing it from our own temporary, temporal, and personal perspective. However, if we view suffering and misfortune as coming from God for God’s ultimate purpose and truly love and trust God as always doing what is right by us, then we will obtain greater peace, contentment, patience, and solace than ever possible on our own terms!

Conclusion

Even Our Lord allowed His humanity to pause in the face of suffering, going as far as asking if the cup reserved for Him could be avoided.  However, Our Lord, and countless saints after Him, ultimately viewed suffering, not as an unpleasant chore to be tolerated for the sake of avoiding evil but, much more pleasantly and powerfully, as a blessed opportunity for following the Will of God, as Our Lord exemplified at Gethsamane and Calvary.

For us mere mortals, moreover, suffering in this world should rightly be seen as a chance to pay the debt of our sins in this life rather than in eternity where, if we play our cards right, we will enjoy the rewards of loyalty and dedication to God.  Thus, it is true that the secret to turning suffering into a blessing is to EAT that suffering.  Ultimately, suffering will move us farther from God if it becomes about us and closer to God if we turn it into all about following God’s Will.

2016  Gabriel Garnica