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Marriage Memes: Natural Family Planning

By Karee Santos

Although many dioceses require a class in Natural Family Planning as part of pre-Cana instruction, it may be too late at that point. Many engaged couples have already made their decisions about their sexuality and their fertility long ago. They may have been living together, sleeping together, and using contraception to prevent pregnancy for years. That’s why NFP advocates suggest spreading information on how to care for your body and your fertility at a much younger age, either in the teens or early twenties.

These graphics on Natural Family Planning are appropriate for use in catechetical instruction even before pre-Cana. But of course, they’re great for marriage prep, too.  Quotes are from Chapter 8 of The Four Keys to Everlasting Love: How Your Catholic Marriage Can Bring You Joy for  a Lifetime. Feel free to use and share them. And you’re welcome to join the online discussion of The Four Keys on Facebook.

Meme #1: Catechism

4-keys-catechism-ch-8-meme

Meme #2:  Scripture

4-keys-scripture-ch-8-meme

Meme #3: Quote from Four Keys

4-keys-quote-ch-8-meme

Meme #4: Pope Quote

4-keys-pope-ch-8-meme

Meme #5: Action Plan

4-keys-action-plan-ch-8-meme

Read all posts by Karee Santos Filed Under: Catechetics, Catechist Training, Featured, NFP/Chastity, Sacraments Tagged With: Catholic marriage, marriage preparation, Natural Family Planning, NFP, pre-Cana, sexuality

Printable Personality Differences Worksheet #freebie #4KEYS

By Karee Santos

turning-two-into-one-canva-graphic

This printable personality differences worksheet is one of the most popular in the series from my Catholic marriage advice book The Four Keys to Everlasting Love. Please feel free to download, print, and share it widely. FOR THE PRINTABLE VERSION, CLICK HERE.

The worksheets are ideal for marriage prep or marriage enrichment, either in small groups or break-out sessions. They can also be used at home, of course, or together with the 4 Keys Online Book Club, which is covering Chapter One this week.

Chapter 1 Worksheet

Turning Two into One:

How to Overcome the Differences that Divide You

Whether you’re newly engaged or long married, congratulations on embarking on the experience of a lifetime! Marriage is quite an adventure, and somehow never exactly what we expect. Our God, after all, is a God of surprises, as Pope Francis is fond of saying.

The first bump in the road that many couples encounter is overcoming personality differences. Opposites really do attract, and that adds to the excitement but can also create conflict. Manny and Karee were very different, as they explain in Chapter One of The Four Keys. When they met, Manny was a “first-generation Spanish American, longtime New Yorker, Catholic, Republican, extrovert, and optimist.” In contrast, Karee was “a Virginian born and bred Episcopalian, Southern Democrat, and introvert with a slight tendency toward gloom.” They overcame their differences through respectful debate and reliance on God who loved them both equally.

In Chapter One, Manny and Karee describe their courtship, the early years of their marriage, and their dramatic struggle through Manny’s four brain surgeries to remove recurring tumors. Along the way, they will show you how to:

  •       Appreciate your personality differences
  •       Find common cultural and religious ground
  •       View disagreements as opportunities for growth
  •       Stand by each other in troubled times
  •       Overcome fear through faith

Conversation Starters

You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going among yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.

  1.       What personality, cultural, or religious differences do the two of you have? How have you handled them so far?
  1.       How often do you discuss important and difficult topics? How often do you apologize if what you say hurts or angers the other person?
  1.       Think of the biggest crisis that has hit your relationship. What character strengths or weaknesses were revealed in each of you?
  1.       Which friends and family members can you rely on to support your marriage?

Read all posts by Karee Santos Filed Under: Catechetics, Catechist Training, Featured, General, Sacraments Tagged With: Catholic marriage, marriage enrichment, marriage preparation, personality, sacrament of marriage

Choosing Wholeness, Abundant Life, and Enduring Happiness

By Karee Santos

The Choice of the Family Image book coverJust in time for this month’s World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia, Image Books has released a book-length interview of Bishop Jean Laffitte, the current secretary of the Pontifical Council for the Family. It’s the Council’s task to organize the World Meeting of Families every three years. This year is the first time it will be held in the United States.

The book highlights the richness of family life well-lived, as hinted at by its title, The Choice of the Family: A Call to Wholeness, Abundant Life, and Enduring Happiness. In its format, it resembles previous best-selling full-length interviews of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, including Light of the World and others.

Bishop Laffitte touches on all the hot-button issues of cohabitation, sexuality, adultery, divorce and remarriage, and the right of the Church to make its voice heard in the public square. But he also offers advice, rich with years of experience, about fostering a love of God in individuals, engaged couples, families, and young children. The key to opening people’s hearts is that “the priest must have an interest in their happiness,” says Bishop Laffitte.

Marriage preparation has an essential role to play in forming strong families, and the bishop provides helpful insights to priests and anyone else involved in this ministry. Fully aware of the challenges, he is not a man with his head stuck in the clouds. “Many people demand the sacrament of marriage from the Church while totally misunderstanding what the sacrament signifies.  …We need to be aware,” he cautions. We must reawaken the desire and the hope for permanence and indissolubility that “is demanded by the nature of love,” he adds. When we give love as a gift, we give it totally and forever. Anything less is merely a loan, unworthy of the name of love.

In marriage preparation, instructors can discover what the couple’s expectations are of marriage and perhaps help them to see their future more realistically. It will not be all good or all bad. When the bad times come, spouses need to forgive each other, reconcile with each other, and realize that the suffering will pass — what Bishop Laffitte calls “an ordinary practice of reconciliation.”

Despite the importance of this type of common sense advice, marriage preparation operates on more than a psychological or social level — it must be a spiritual event, according to the bishop. If a marriage minister does not “introduce the engaged couple into an experience of prayer, I do not know where they are headed! I find it insane that people are prepared over the course of months for the sacrament of marriage and … nobody invites them to pray,” he says.

Marriage itself is also a spiritual event. It is a privileged path to encounter divine love through the transforming power of human love. And God does not offer anyone a love that is second-best. Marriage ministers can communicate that beautiful truth to the couples they counsel while preparing them for the sacrament of Matrimony. As Bishop Laffitte states movingly, “The fiancés must feel loved and be led to Christ. There is then an opening of the heart that takes place, and then there can be space for the grace of Christ. We have to believe it.”

 

Copyr. 2015 Karee Santos

Read all posts by Karee Santos Filed Under: Book Reviews, Catechetics, General, Sacraments Tagged With: Catholic family, Catholic marriage, marriage preparation, pre-Cana, World Meeting of Families

Chris West Will Write Foreword to our Marriage Advice Book!!

By Karee Santos

Wedding Rings on BibleIn every informal poll we conducted on social media, when we asked who would be the BEST person to write a foreword to a Catholic marriage advice book, readers overwhelmingly responded, “Chris West.” We are thrilled to announce that he said “yes” to our request!

As many of you know, Chris is a best selling author, speaker, teacher and world-renowned expert in John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. Chris’ book Good News about Sex and Marriage, published for the first time in 2000, is still one of the most popular Catholic marriage advice books on the market. His pre-Cana program God’s Plan for a Joy-filled Marriage is used for marriage preparation in dioceses across the country.

My husband Manuel P. Santos M.D. and I have been dreaming of and praying for this moment for more than ten years.  Back in 2003, we designed a pre-Cana curriculum based on the teaching of Pope St. John Paul II, but couldn’t find a text to accompany the program. So we began a labor of love encompassing intensive research, a book proposal, a publishing contract with Ave Maria Press, editing, and finally a title:

The Four Keys to Everlasting Love:

How Your Catholic Marriage Can

Bring You Joy for a Lifetime

As the book gets closer to publication next spring, we’ll be sending out digital previews for catechists and Adult Faith Formation Professionals who might want to use the book in their small groups or classes. Please email me at santoskaree at gmail dot com to get on the list to receive a free digital preview!

And here’s more about our book from the publisher Ave Maria Press:

The Four Keys to Everlasting Love offers a warm catechesis that illustrates how God’s plan for marriage can turn self-centered individuals into a united couple capable of experiencing deep, lasting, and soul-satisfying love in their everyday lives. The Four Keys to Everlasting Love shows how the intentional practice of Biblical principles in key areas of life can inspire couples to stay in love with each other, in love with Christ, and in love with the wisdom of the Catholic Church.

In addressing universal issues like sex, money, health, child-rearing, in-laws, and work-life balance, this book incorporates examples drawn from Dr. Manuel Santos’ psychiatric practice, as well as shared stories from the authors’ family life. The philosophy of Pope St. John Paul II played a powerful role in shaping the contours of the book, which explores the sacramentality of marriage contained in the late pope’s Theology of the Body and his encyclicals on family life (Familiaris Consortio; Gratissimam Sane), sexuality (Evangelium Vitae), and work (Laborem Exercens).

Direct, informative, helpful, and encouraging, this book celebrates the gift of our Catholic faith without downplaying the difficulties we face in living in a world that no longer seems to believe in the permanence of marriage or the value of trusting in God’s will for us. This book does not adopt a one-size-fits-all spirituality.  It is distinctively and joyfully Catholic.

Don’t forget to email santoskaree at gmail dot com to receive a free digital preview for catechists and adult faith formation professionals!

Read all posts by Karee Santos Filed Under: Catechetics, General Tagged With: chris west, marriage enrichment, marriage preparation, pre-Cana, Theology of the Body

Catholic Marriage Support Blog Celebrates First Year

By Karee Santos

On Decemlogober 2, 2012, I started the Can We Cana? blog on a wing and a prayer, hoping to provide support for Catholic marriages and families. Thanks to you wonderful readers, the blog reached its 1000th pageview in less than two months. By its one-year anniversary, the blog has attracted more than 30,000 pageviews from readers in all 50 states and in countries around the globe.

Blogpost topics have included everything from sexuality and the Theology of the Body to staying married through sickness and health, unexpected pregnancies, first-year disillusionment, and the pressures of raising a big family. There are parenting tips, household tips, and reviews of awesome Catholic family resources. I’ve even included discussions of difficult issues like marital abandonment, abortion, annulment, virginity, and rape. Thanks to the support of some amazing on-line friends I’ve made, Can We Cana? posts have also appeared on CatholicMom.com, CatholicLane.com, AmazingCatechists.com, MercatorNet.com (Australia), and MyYearofFaith.com.

Here’s a run-down of the posts you liked the best, and a request — tell me what else you’d most like to read about here!

 

Top 5 Most Popular Posts

 

1. Chaste Sex: Not What You Think It Is (more than 1200 views)

2. The One-Year Itch

3. When Sex is Too Much Bother: Japan’s Troubling Celibacy Syndrome

4. Pope Francis Makes Me Ashamed

5. Letting Your Child Go with God: A First Communion Story

 

Most Popular Guest Post

 

Why We Still Use NFP When We’re So Bad at It by James B of RealCatholicLoveandSex.com

 

Post with Highest Critical Acclaim


Theology Professor Endorses My Book

 

Post with the Most Comments

 

The Terrors of the 7th Grade Dance

 

*******

Many blessings on all of you for helping this Catholic marriage support community grow. If there are any topics you’d like to hear more about, please let me know in the comments!

Read all posts by Karee Santos Filed Under: Catechetics, Catechism, General, NFP/Chastity, RCIA & Adult Education, Sacraments Tagged With: Catholic marriage, Holy Sexuality, marriage, marriage enrichment, marriage preparation, NFP, pre-Cana

Pre-Cana from Australia to Yosemite: Online Program Reaches Far

By Karee Santos

Not every engaged couple has a traditional work schedule or even lives on the same continent before getting married, so in-person marriage preparation isn’t always possible. Enter the age of Skype, where videoconferencing technology can make engaged couples feel as if they are sitting in a pre-Cana teacher’s living room even when each person is actually thousands of miles away.

Peter McFadden of Creative Marriages Inc. in New York City offers an online option for couples in difficult logistical situations. Through this program, Peter has taught actors on location in Australia and soldiers about to be deployed to Afghanistan. He has even given online marriage preparation to two Yosemite park rangers who were working almost round-the-clock hours far away from the nearest Catholic parish. “A park ranger’s not a 9 to 5 job,” Peter remarked. Neither are a lot of other careers, which is why it’s good to have an online option available.

The online sessions are more than just videoconferences with three people speaking face to face via computer screens. Peter’s system allows him to share photographs, Power Point presentations, and even short videos on the couple’s computer screens during the session.

To make sure the shortened program delivers the necessary practical and theological content, Peter asks the online students to do some work on their own beforehand. A few weeks in advance, couples fill out the FOCCUS questionnaire, which identifies areas of agreement or disagreement on issues like communication styles, parenting, and sexuality. Couples are also asked to read a few short essays summarizing talks that Peter gives in his small-group sessions. “99% of people do the homework,” Peter reported, and many also talk to each other about the FOCCUS questions and the readings before meeting him online.

The main difference between the Creative Marriages online program and the in-person program is thus not the content but the method. “There’s more small talk when you meet in person,” explained Peter. “The Net does promote more of a ‘let’s get down to business’ atmosphere.” In addition, Peter has found it easier to mediate fights when he sees couples in person. “Believe it or not, some couples will fight” during marriage preparation instruction, and it’s easier to see the danger signals expressed in body language when the participants aren’t sitting in front of a video camera, he stated.

Only about 10% of Peter’s students take advantage of the online option. Most of the other students meet in small groups at the Church of Our Saviour on Park Avenue in Manhattan, where my husband and I began teaching the pre-Cana curriculum we developed many years ago.

Because of a strong preference for in-person instruction, the Archdiocese of New York requires that couples who want to take online pre-Cana receive special permission from the Family Life Office. “Technology is a gift,” acknowledged Marga Regina, Marriage Preparation Coordinator for the Archdiocese, “but we can’t use it to alienate us from the community.”

Most people who ask to take online pre-Cana are already disconnected from the Church community, Marga noted. “They say they can’t make the time, but then many find out they can, and they love” taking pre-Cana in-person, she added. Catechists have to remember that they are teaching souls who ideally should be learning in community with an opportunity for confession “in a real church with a real tabernacle,” she stressed.

For couples who do have a legitimate scheduling problem, not just reluctance to make the time, Marga will recommend them either to Peter or to CatholicMarriagePrep.com. Catholic Marriage Prep gives couples a series of worksheets to download and complete, then instructors review the worksheets and offer personalized instruction and advice.

Peter echoes the Archdiocese’s preference for in-person rather than online pre-Cana programs. “I understand why people would be concerned about online education. There’s a right way to do it, and there’s a wrong way to do it,” noted Peter. Some types of online education have little or no real interaction with the students, and there’s a danger that students will take the program without paying full attention. An automated program with a pre-recorded voice and computer-generated alerts and quizzes would not fully implement the Church’s goal to prepare couples for the sacred and sacramental aspects of marriage, he cautioned.

Peter’s video-conferencing style of online pre-Cana instruction is full of personal interaction, but it only reaches one couple at a time. “The problem is that it’s not scalable, it’s not a solution for reaching out to 100,000 couples a year,” Peter explained. But if your focus is forming souls and not increasing the bottom line, maximizing personal interaction is the only way to go, online or off.

Read all posts by Karee Santos Filed Under: Catechetics, General, RCIA & Adult Education, Sacraments, Technology Tagged With: Archdiocese of New York, marriage, marriage preparation, online education, pre-Cana

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