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Interview With Catholic Speaker, Hudson Byblow

By Lisa Mladinich

Lisa: Hudson, you’ve done wonderful work promoting the need for all people to grow in virtue, rather than falling for the culture’s increasingly bizarre and limiting sexuality labels. Your new Lighthouse CD, titled, In Pursuit of My Identity: Homosexuality, Transgenderism, and My Life, is terrific!

What would you say are the most important facts for people to ponder about human sexuality—specifically regarding same-sex-attractions and gender identity —at this stage in our history as Catholics?

Hudson: All glory be to God. Aside from learning how to be present with a person in a pastoral moment, there is also the aspect of educating the people within our church overall. This is important because we all contribute to the overall environment that people grow into. Education on any topic typically includes an enhanced understanding of language, and on this topic, that is no exception. Needless to say, there is a lot of work to be done. After all, we could never expect to fully understand the meaning of a song if we didn’t know the lyrics, so it would only make sense that we at least try to understand the lyrics to the “song of the Church” in a more profound way as well.

The Nuances

First, I think it would help if we examined linguistic nuances pertaining to attractions/inclinations. For example, if we speak about attractions/inclinations as something people experience instead of something people have, we introduce the nuance of non-permanence. For many people, becoming aware of that nuance can be life-changing. It helps them understand that they are not necessarily destined to experience those attractions/inclinations forever. Though the attractions/inclinations a person experiences might not transform over time, a sense of impermanence can definitely shift their expectations of themselves, and that shift matters because it impacts how a person chooses to live. Note that none of what I said has anything to do with the objective of “changing from gay to straight” (or any type of therapy that has that as an objective). It does, however, have to do with opening our hearts and minds to other possibilities beyond the narrative of this day.

Second, I think it is more important than ever to clarify attractions/inclinations experienced from sexual/romantic attractions/inclinations experienced. This is because not all attractions/inclinations are sexual or romantic in nature. However, our society imposes that expectation by romanticizing/sexualizing nearly all relationships, and so many people absorb that expectation and integrate their responses to attractions/inclinations through that lens. Truthfully, I think the world would change overnight if people came to realize that not all attractions/inclinations are sexual/romantic in nature. I can see it reducing the probability that people would feel the need to “explore” to find out. People could again experience true friendship and closeness without wondering if that meant they were gay (or the second “Q” in LGBTQQ, which stands for “Questioning”). Further, sexual/romantic exploration tends to feel good (it feels good to be held, cared for, and chosen), so the consequence of romantic/sexual exploration may very well be a flood of “good feelings” that may influence how a person comes to view themselves. I would imagine this to be especially true if that exploration was with a person of the same sex because our culture seems to be overtly supportive of exploration in that way at this time.

Third, it would be valuable if people began to talk about attractions/inclinations in terms of appetites—and particular attractions/inclinations as particular appetites. Consider the following: We all have an appetite for pleasing sounds, but only some have particular appetites for certain types of music. We all have an appetite for food, but only some have particular appetites for certain types of food. We all have an appetite for relationships (of some sort), but only some have particular appetites for certain types of relationships—perhaps involving certain types of people. The particulars of any appetite are influenced by the environment we are soaking in – an idea first presented to me by an LGBTQ activist of all people!

Appetites are transformed by our experiences and the world knows this. When we experience something we don’t like, our appetite to continue experiencing it decreases. This could be with particular foods, or particular relationships. I know this first-hand for after I was sexually abused by a male while in my teens, I also experienced this; my particular appetite to be around men in a close way was pretty much annihilated (even though I still desired to belong within the fold of men). Because appetites transform based on the whole of our experiences (and the whole of our environment, according to what that LGBTQ activist told me), it seems sensible that transitioning to speaking about attractions/inclinations as appetites is something that the world does not want. If this shift did begin to occur, and if it caught on to the point where that type of language was embraced by a critical mass of people, then society would be made even further aware of how particular appetites are not static. The result is that people would more easily see that statements claiming people are “created that way” (with particular appetites) are false. This is in line with that that LGBTQ activist shared with me when he told me that “environment plays a factor in the development of our attractions.”

Of course, revealing the falsehood of static particular appetites is not for the purpose of calling out a person who says that being gay is “who they are,” but rather so that we can provide a hope for those who are ready (or near ready) to walk away from those types of identities and their associated narratives even if their particular appetites still persist. It’s merely about being able to see oneself in a different light, which matters because how we see ourselves influences what we perceive we ought to do to pursue fulfillment. And many people are burnt out from a pursuit of fulfillment that has simply never given them the satisfaction they thought they would experience. Many of these people have spoken to me about their newfound freedom after departing from their prior way of seeing themselves as LGBTQ+. All of them had felt trapped where they were, and it was through clarified language (introduced lovingly and appropriately) that they were able to see a way out of it. For many, it has allowed them to re-center their identity on Christ, who they have come to know loves them more than they ever could have imagined. When I think of joy, I think of what radiates from the hearts of these people.

Now, if we strive to elevate the language to include these types of nuances, perhaps we could in some small way help bring that experience to others. Given the joy they now experience, I hope and pray that everyone might open their hearts to growing in their understanding of this topic. I know that I have a lot of room to grow as well. Again, real people with real hearts are who await us in the world. Let us never forget that.

Lisa: Thank you, Hudson! You always present ideas that are both sound and refreshing, and I’m so glad you’re out there speaking and teaching!

Folks, order a few copies of Hudson’s Lighthouse CD to share around!

 

Read all posts by Lisa Mladinich Filed Under: Culture, Evangelization, Featured, General, High School, Interview, Lisa's Updates, Middle School, RCIA & Adult Education, Same-Sex Attraction, Topical Tagged With: Hudson Byblow, Lighthouse CDs, linguistic clarity, Same-sex Attraction, sexuality

Marriage Memes: Natural Family Planning

By Karee Santos

Although many dioceses require a class in Natural Family Planning as part of pre-Cana instruction, it may be too late at that point. Many engaged couples have already made their decisions about their sexuality and their fertility long ago. They may have been living together, sleeping together, and using contraception to prevent pregnancy for years. That’s why NFP advocates suggest spreading information on how to care for your body and your fertility at a much younger age, either in the teens or early twenties.

These graphics on Natural Family Planning are appropriate for use in catechetical instruction even before pre-Cana. But of course, they’re great for marriage prep, too.  Quotes are from Chapter 8 of The Four Keys to Everlasting Love: How Your Catholic Marriage Can Bring You Joy for  a Lifetime. Feel free to use and share them. And you’re welcome to join the online discussion of The Four Keys on Facebook.

Meme #1: Catechism

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Meme #2:  Scripture

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Meme #3: Quote from Four Keys

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Meme #4: Pope Quote

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Meme #5: Action Plan

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Read all posts by Karee Santos Filed Under: Catechetics, Catechist Training, Featured, NFP/Chastity, Sacraments Tagged With: Catholic marriage, marriage preparation, Natural Family Planning, NFP, pre-Cana, sexuality

Printable Worksheets on NFP, Contraception & IVF #freebie #4KEYS

By Karee Santos

turning-fear-of-fertility-into-total-gift-of-self

Many Catholics don’t understand the value of Natural Family Planning, and even fewer use it (about 2% by some accounts). Even fewer are aware of the Catholic Church’s principled objection to techniques such as in vitro fertilization. These teachings can be hard to transmit, because they are hard for people to hear, especially couples who are struggling with infertility and desperately want their own child. But as one couple told us in a pre-Cana class we were teaching, “if you don’t tell us, who will?” 

We included what we felt to be a gentle yet crystal clear explanation of the Church’s position on NFP, contraception, and IVF in Chapter 8 of The Four Keys to Everlasting Love: How Your Catholic Marriage Can Bring You Joy for a Lifetime. Please get your copy, read along, and join in the discussion with the 4 Keys Online Book Club on Facebook. FOR A PRINTER-FRIENDLY VERSION OF THE WORKSHEET, CLICK HERE. 

Chapter 8

Turning the Fear of Fertility into a Total Gift of Self:
Finding a Better Alternative to Artificial Birth Control & IVF

According to Pope Francis, when we rob sexual acts of their natural fruitfulness by using contraception, we disfigure married love (Amoris Laetitia, 80). But 75% of sexually active Catholics use artificial birth control, according to one 2006-2010 study. So what’s causing the major disconnect between what the Church teaches and what vast numbers of Catholics actually do? One big cause is fear.

Women especially are taught to fear their fertility during their teen years when adults (with the best of intentions) warn of the dangers of premarital sex. In addition, many couples worry about the impact of children on finances or career plans. “Women can be put into a state of constantly fighting their fertility, chemically suppressing it when it’s at its height and then trying to jump-start it as it diminishes,” say Manny and Karee in Chapter Eight of The Four Keys.

Natural Family Planning (or NFP) assists women in breaking that vicious cycle. NFP encourages the mindset that fertility is a great blessing. It helps couples to avoid or achieve pregnancy in an effective, safe, ethical, and relatively inexpensive way. And it helps them develop the gift of sexual self-control. In Chapter Eight, Manny and Karee offer scads of helpful information on contraception, NFP, and IVF, including:

  • the medical dangers of artificial birth control
  • the financial, emotional, and ethical downsides to IVF
  • the advantages of using NFP to achieve or avoid pregnancy
  • selecting the right method of NFP to fit your lifestyle

Conversation Starters


You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going between yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.


1.  Do you and your spouse agree on the morality of contraception? If you don’t, how do you cope with this disagreement?




2.  What have you heard (good and bad) about NFP?





3. Do you or anyone you know use NFP? What were the most powerful reasons influencing the choice to use NFP?




4.  Which NFP method do you think might work best for you and why?



Read all posts by Karee Santos Filed Under: Catechetics, Catechist Training, Featured, General, NFP/Chastity, Sacraments Tagged With: birth control, Catholic marriage, contraception, in vitro fertilization, IVF, Natural Family Planning, NFP, sexuality

Marriage Memes: Married Sexuality

By Karee Santos

This next installment of free downloadable graphics focuses on the intimate subject of married sexuality and fertility. Nothing can bring a married couple closer together or drive them further apart.

Quotes are from Chapter 7 of The Four Keys to Everlasting Love: How Your Catholic Marriage Can Bring You Joy for  a Lifetime. Feel free to use them in your ministry. And please join the online discussion on Facebook.

 

Meme #1: Catechism

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Meme #2: Scripture

4-keys-scripture-ch-7-meme

Meme #3: Quote from Four Keys

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Meme #4: Pope Quote

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Meme #5: Action Plan

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Read all posts by Karee Santos Filed Under: Catechetics, Catechist Training, Featured, Sacraments Tagged With: Catholic marriage, Love, lust, pleasure, sexuality, Theology of the Body

Printable Worksheets on Married Sexuality #freebie #4KEYS

By Karee Santos

turning-spouses-into-life-giving-lovers

Yep, it’s time to talk about sex. This week’s marriage prep/enrichment topic is married sexuality and its power to bring pleasure and create new life. Read Chapter 7 of The Four Keys to Everlasting Love: How Your Catholic Marriage Can Bring You Joy for a Lifetime, and join in the discussion with the 4 Keys Online Book Club on Facebook. FOR A PRINTER-FRIENDLY VERSION OF THE WORKSHEET, CLICK HERE. 

Chapter 7

Turning Spouses into Life-Giving Lovers:
The Creative Power of Sex

One of the most misunderstood areas of Catholic teaching is sexuality. Many people are shocked to learn that the Catechism calls married sexuality “a source of joy and pleasure” and “a sign and pledge of spiritual communion” (CCC 2360-62). Catholicism regards sexuality as a precious gift from God, enriching marriages on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level.

But unlike the culture around us, Catholicism also regards fertility, which is inextricably linked with sexuality, as a precious gift from God. As Manny and Karee say in Chapter Seven of The Four Keys, “Through the conception of a child, a husband and wife are bound together closer than ever before. They become one flesh, even on a biological level. The DNA of the father and the mother combine in a new human being. And the Holy Spirit is there, too, contributing the new person’s soul. It is difficult to imagine a closer unity among husband, wife, and God.” Just like sexuality, fertility is not limited to the physical realm. It has emotional and spiritual aspects as well.

In Chapter Seven, Manny and Karee address some of the common problems couples have with experiencing sexuality and fertility as the great blessings they are meant to be. They give tips on:

• Communicating about sex in a natural and intimate way

• Building healthy body image

• Overcoming the past

• Healing from infidelity and porn addiction

Conversation Starters

You can use the following conversation starters to get a discussion going between yourselves or in a small group. If it helps, think it over on your own time, take it to prayer, and jot down your answers before talking about them.

1. What preconceived notions of sex did you learn from your parents or your peers? Do they differ from the Catholic view of sexuality and, if so, how?

2. How easy is it for you and your spouse to talk about sex? How might you communicate even better?

3. Do you feel there is a “best” time in marriage to start having children? Why?

4. Do you and your spouse agree on how many children to have? If not, what keeps you from reaching an agreement?

Read all posts by Karee Santos Filed Under: Catechetics, Catechist Training, Featured, General, Sacraments Tagged With: Body Image, Catholic marriage, fertility, sexuality

Faith on Facebook: 4 Keys Online Book Club

By Karee Santos

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This Saturday, September 10, more than 170 Facebook members will dive into an online discussion of The Four Keys to Everlasting Love: How Your Catholic Marriage Can Bring You Joy for  a Lifetime. The group will discuss the book chapter-by-chapter each Saturday and share prayer intentions on Sunday. They’ll also receive daily inspirational memes based on Scripture, the Catechism, and recent popes, especially Pope St. John Paul II.

The book itself is intended mainly for engaged and married couples. But it’s especially helpful for mentor couples teaching pre-Cana for a refresher of what the Church teaches on a dozen marriage-related topics including, sacramentality, sexuality, and family prayer.  Click here to join the online book club now or read on for more details from Michele Faehnle, co-author of Divine Mercy for Moms, who is the group’s administrator.

This past summer, more than 130 Catholic moms enjoyed spiritual fellowship on Facebook in the online book club for Divine Mercy for Moms. The group was such a terrific success that we decided to extend the fun. So I’m teaming with up with co-admins Amanda Torres and Aida Alaniz to delve into The Four Keys to Everlasting Love: How Your Catholic Marriage Can Bring You Joy for a Lifetime by CatholicMom marriage advice columnists Dr. Manny & Karee Santos. The discussions will begin on September 10 and end on December 3. We would love for you to jump on this opportunity to make your marriage and your faith stronger than ever!


The Four Keys to Everlasting Love is practical, easy to read, and full of personal stories to help you develop a stronger relationship with your spouse. As it says in the book’s description on Amazon: “No marriage — even a sacramental one — is free from conflicts about sex, money, child-rearing, in-laws, and work/life balance. Marriage columnist Karee Santos and her husband, Manuel, a psychiatrist who has been counseling couples for more than fifteen years, explore how applying the wisdom of the Catholic faith to marriage can free us to experience deep, lasting, and soul-satisfying love.”

Read on for more.

Read all posts by Karee Santos Filed Under: Catechetics, Featured, General, Sacraments Tagged With: Catholic marriage, Pope John Paul II, sacrament of matrimony, sexuality

Top Tips for a Joy-Filled Marriage

By Karee Santos

God's Plan for Joy-Filled Marriage picMy husband Manuel P. Santos M.D. and I had an awesome time last weekend giving a presentation to around 40 couples in the Archdiocese of Newark on how to live God’s Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage. This great pre-Cana program covers the topics of sacramentality and sexuality, and it’s chock full of quotes from Pope St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and his book Love and Responsibility. I gave the talk on the Wedding at Cana (one of my favorite Bible stories), and Manny gave the talk on the Church’s definition of marriage, annulments and impediments to marriage.

As is true in any large group, there was a wide range of knowledge and interest. Not everyone had heard the story of the Wedding at Cana, and some people were more familiar with the fictitious marriage of Jesus and Mary Magdalen than the mystical marriage between Jesus and the Church. It was truly a privilege to be the first ones to introduce some of these people to the beautiful theology of Catholic marriage.

The Joy-Filled Marriage program is given several times a year, and attendees are always given the opportunity to place anonymous questions in a question box. Here are some of the most common issues and our top tips for dealing with them.

1.  The “Inter-Faith” Question

My fiance and are are of different faiths.  What problems might we encounter, and how do we have a successful inter-faith marriage?

  • The biggest problems that many inter-faith couples face are celebrating holidays and passing their faith on to their children.
  • Religious holidays can be celebrated at home as well as in church (or at temple). Customize your at-home celebrations to reflect aspects of both faith traditions.
  • When couples get married in the Church, the Catholic spouse needs to promise to raise the children in the Catholic faith. Discuss before the wedding how that promise affects church attendance, school attendance, and participation in religious milestones like First Communion or Confirmation. Don’t sweep the issue under the rug.

2.  The “Communication” Question

What are the best ways to improve our communication?

  • Don’t roll your eyes or slam doors.
  • If you can’t talk about it calmly, write it down instead.
  • Never let the sun go down on your anger. Give your spouse a hug or kiss of forgiveness before bedtime, and tomorrow begin again!

3. The “First Year” Question

What was the toughest part of the first year of marriage?

  • Sometimes couples with the best relationships encounter severe crises in the first year (we faced fears of infertility, death of a close family member, and the diagnosis of Manny’s first brain tumor). Don’t let it get you down.
  • Friends might complain that you spend less time with them than before. Make it clear that your top priority is your spouse.
  • You might be tempted to spend less time at work. Give in!

4.  The “Sexual Frustration” Question

If we choose to save sex for marriage, how do we deal with the unmet physical desire?

  • Amp up the romance. Channel the frustration into loving, non-physical demonstrations of affection.
  • Stay far away from temptation — don’t play with fire!
  • If you give in, go to confession. If you give in again, go to confession again.

5.  The “In-Law” Question

My fiance has family that get into our personal business and I feel like they influence him/her more than I do sometimes.  Am I wrong to be upset?  What can be done?

  • Let your fiance know how much this bothers you. Agree to set firm but loving boundaries between you and both of  your families.
  • You and your fiance can listen respectfully and thank family members for their advice, while making it clear that the final decision is between the two of you as a couple.
  • Realize that what your in-laws really want in most cases is for you and your fiance to be happy.

Does your diocese use God’s Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage? If you work in marriage ministry or adult faith formation, what are the most common questions you hear? Please let me know in the comments.

Read all posts by Karee Santos Filed Under: Catechetics, General, Sacraments Tagged With: Catholic marriage, chris west, communication, inlaws, interfaith marriage, interreligious marriage, marriage, sexuality

“The Antidote to #50Shades of Degradation: TOB Fiction!”

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

onthedockMHThere’s nothing I like better than to curl up on a comfy chair (or the end of a dock) with a good book. I’ve been an avid reader since I was seven years old. I remember the first time my father took me to the library to get a library card. “You mean I can take any book I want?”

“Sure,” he said, “you can take up to four, but we’re just borrowing them. You have to bring them back in three weeks.”

I remember the joy I felt upon returning home to spend hours reading those four books.

By the time I was a teen, before my re-version, I devoured trashy, explicit romance novels (all available at the public library) like they were candy.

The 50 Shades books are quite popular and the movie is coming out just in time for Valentine’s Day. Women and men of all ages are devouring these books that promote illicit lifestyles, domination and abuse of women. It’s sad, really, but not surprising given our current culture of death and “anything goes” secular society.

Like anyone, I love a good story, but I especially enjoy a compelling romance or suspense novel. As I grew in my faith, I no longer wanted to read fiction with explicit sex scenes or novels that promoted abuse of women. So I began seeking out Christian fiction. However, I yearned to read good, compelling fiction with Catholic themes.

In response to this desire, I started writing my first novel, Emily’s Hope, in 2001. Not only did I want to write a compelling story, I also wanted to include information on the Theology of the Body and Natural Family Planning. If I was going to write a novel, I wanted to write one that had the potential of evangelizing. Admittedly, this book’s target audience is small (NFP teachers love it), so I decided to widen my audience, improve my writing and include the Catholic/Theology of the Body themes in a less overt way.

Since then, I’ve written four more books and each one has been on various Amazon bestseller lists. My newest novel, A Subtle Grace, just hit #1 in Christian Historical Fiction, Christian Historical Romance and Christian Romance. And my publishing company now publishes other authors’ novels.

St. John Paul II said we can “overcome evil with good.” Here is a list of contemporary Catholic novels with Theology of the Body themes that can uplift, inspire and serve as an antidote to ALL the secular, trashy novels that promote illicit lifestyles. These novels encourage virtue rather than vice, respect rather than domination and love rather than lust.

Emily’s Hope (Ellen Gable, 2005, FQP)

Passport (Christopher Blunt, 2008, Pelican Crossing Press)

Midnight Dancers (Regina Doman, 2008, Chesterton Press)

In Name Only (Ellen Gable, 2009, FQP)

Stealing Jenny (Ellen Gable, 2011, FQP)

Finding Grace (Laura Pearl, 2012, Bezalel Books)

Angela’s Song (AnnMarie Creedon, 2012, FQP)

Rapunzel Let Down (Regina Doman, 2013, Chesterton Press)

Vingede (Friar Tobe #2) (Krisi Keley, 2013, S & H Publishing)

Don’t You Forget About Me (Erin McCole Cupp, 2013, FQP)

A Subtle Grace (Ellen Gable, 2014, FQP)

The Lion’s Heart (Dena Hunt, 2014, FQP)

A World Such as Heaven Intended (Amanda Lauer, 2014, FQP)

Working Mother (Erin McCole Cupp, 2014, FQ Publishing)

Do you have a favorite Catholic novel that is uplifting and edifying? Please feel free to comment below.

Copyright 2015 Ellen Gable Hrkach

Image: Tim Baklinski (Two Trees Photography)

Read all posts by Ellen Gable Hrkach Filed Under: Culture, Evangelization, General, NFP/Chastity Tagged With: #50Shades, #anti50shades, A Subtle Grace, A World Such as Heaven Intended, Amanda Lauer, Angela's Song, AnnMarie Creedon, Catholic, Catholic fiction, Christopher Blunt, Dena Hunt, Don't You Forget About Me, Ellen Gable, Emily's Hope, Erin McCole Cupp, faith, Finding Grace, In Name Only, Krisi Keley, Laura Pearl, morality, Natural Family Planning, Passport, pornography, Regina Doman, sadomasochism, sexuality, Stealing Jenny, Theology of the Body, Vingede

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