There is a line in the movie, Forrest Gump, where a young girl prays, “Lord, please give me wings to fly far, far away.” I often feel like that when my darling daughter is having a meltdown. My reason and logic goes out the window, flying away… like I wish I could. I know she is disabled. I know she cannot be reasoned with right now. I know it’s not my fault, but my heart does not believe a word of it. She can be mean to me, abusive in fact. She’s only eleven, cognitively delayed, with a mild form of autism and an emotional dysregulation disorder and I should cope better, but sometimes I don’t.
In these moments I need to ask for God’s grace to see my daughter as He sees her. He has a purpose for her life. My students teasingly call her my ‘saint maker.’ She will teach me to be patient, a virtue I do not possess. She keeps the focus off me and she will move me a step closer to heaven.
When I can close my eyes, and emotionally remove my self from the chaos, I can see her sweetly saying her prayers. I ponder how she carefully she plays with the younger boys next door. I reread the sweet letter she wrote to her daddy and me on our anniversary,
“You are not the parents who fight. You are the parents who love each other very much. Even when you are having a bad day, you are kind to each other.” I wonder when she observed that and how she knows?
When I remember to pray, breathe and ask for the grace to see her as God does, I am absolutely amazed at her beauty. She is precious, special and almost perfect in her pure love for God and for us. Please, Lord, keep the eyes of my heart always open and remain, in each of us.
