Amazing Catechists

Teaching and learning the faith together

Interview With Catholic Speaker, Hudson Byblow

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Lisa: Hudson, you’ve done wonderful work promoting the need for all people to grow in virtue, rather than falling for the culture’s increasingly bizarre and limiting sexuality labels. Your new Lighthouse CD, titled, In Pursuit of My Identity: Homosexuality, Transgenderism, and My Life, is terrific!

What would you say are the most important facts for people to ponder about human sexuality—specifically regarding same-sex-attractions and gender identity —at this stage in our history as Catholics?

Hudson: All glory be to God. Aside from learning how to be present with a person in a pastoral moment, there is also the aspect of educating the people within our church overall. This is important because we all contribute to the overall environment that people grow into. Education on any topic typically includes an enhanced understanding of language, and on this topic, that is no exception. Needless to say, there is a lot of work to be done. After all, we could never expect to fully understand the meaning of a song if we didn’t know the lyrics, so it would only make sense that we at least try to understand the lyrics to the “song of the Church” in a more profound way as well.

The Nuances

First, I think it would help if we examined linguistic nuances pertaining to attractions/inclinations. For example, if we speak about attractions/inclinations as something people experience instead of something people have, we introduce the nuance of non-permanence. For many people, becoming aware of that nuance can be life-changing. It helps them understand that they are not necessarily destined to experience those attractions/inclinations forever. Though the attractions/inclinations a person experiences might not transform over time, a sense of impermanence can definitely shift their expectations of themselves, and that shift matters because it impacts how a person chooses to live. Note that none of what I said has anything to do with the objective of “changing from gay to straight” (or any type of therapy that has that as an objective). It does, however, have to do with opening our hearts and minds to other possibilities beyond the narrative of this day.

Second, I think it is more important than ever to clarify attractions/inclinations experienced from sexual/romantic attractions/inclinations experienced. This is because not all attractions/inclinations are sexual or romantic in nature. However, our society imposes that expectation by romanticizing/sexualizing nearly all relationships, and so many people absorb that expectation and integrate their responses to attractions/inclinations through that lens. Truthfully, I think the world would change overnight if people came to realize that not all attractions/inclinations are sexual/romantic in nature. I can see it reducing the probability that people would feel the need to “explore” to find out. People could again experience true friendship and closeness without wondering if that meant they were gay (or the second “Q” in LGBTQQ, which stands for “Questioning”). Further, sexual/romantic exploration tends to feel good (it feels good to be held, cared for, and chosen), so the consequence of romantic/sexual exploration may very well be a flood of “good feelings” that may influence how a person comes to view themselves. I would imagine this to be especially true if that exploration was with a person of the same sex because our culture seems to be overtly supportive of exploration in that way at this time.

Third, it would be valuable if people began to talk about attractions/inclinations in terms of appetites—and particular attractions/inclinations as particular appetites. Consider the following: We all have an appetite for pleasing sounds, but only some have particular appetites for certain types of music. We all have an appetite for food, but only some have particular appetites for certain types of food. We all have an appetite for relationships (of some sort), but only some have particular appetites for certain types of relationships—perhaps involving certain types of people. The particulars of any appetite are influenced by the environment we are soaking in – an idea first presented to me by an LGBTQ activist of all people!

Appetites are transformed by our experiences and the world knows this. When we experience something we don’t like, our appetite to continue experiencing it decreases. This could be with particular foods, or particular relationships. I know this first-hand for after I was sexually abused by a male while in my teens, I also experienced this; my particular appetite to be around men in a close way was pretty much annihilated (even though I still desired to belong within the fold of men). Because appetites transform based on the whole of our experiences (and the whole of our environment, according to what that LGBTQ activist told me), it seems sensible that transitioning to speaking about attractions/inclinations as appetites is something that the world does not want. If this shift did begin to occur, and if it caught on to the point where that type of language was embraced by a critical mass of people, then society would be made even further aware of how particular appetites are not static. The result is that people would more easily see that statements claiming people are “created that way” (with particular appetites) are false. This is in line with that that LGBTQ activist shared with me when he told me that “environment plays a factor in the development of our attractions.”

Of course, revealing the falsehood of static particular appetites is not for the purpose of calling out a person who says that being gay is “who they are,” but rather so that we can provide a hope for those who are ready (or near ready) to walk away from those types of identities and their associated narratives even if their particular appetites still persist. It’s merely about being able to see oneself in a different light, which matters because how we see ourselves influences what we perceive we ought to do to pursue fulfillment. And many people are burnt out from a pursuit of fulfillment that has simply never given them the satisfaction they thought they would experience. Many of these people have spoken to me about their newfound freedom after departing from their prior way of seeing themselves as LGBTQ+. All of them had felt trapped where they were, and it was through clarified language (introduced lovingly and appropriately) that they were able to see a way out of it. For many, it has allowed them to re-center their identity on Christ, who they have come to know loves them more than they ever could have imagined. When I think of joy, I think of what radiates from the hearts of these people.

Now, if we strive to elevate the language to include these types of nuances, perhaps we could in some small way help bring that experience to others. Given the joy they now experience, I hope and pray that everyone might open their hearts to growing in their understanding of this topic. I know that I have a lot of room to grow as well. Again, real people with real hearts are who await us in the world. Let us never forget that.

Lisa: Thank you, Hudson! You always present ideas that are both sound and refreshing, and I’m so glad you’re out there speaking and teaching!

Folks, order a few copies of Hudson’s Lighthouse CD to share around!

 

Courageous Choices; Conversations about Same Sex Attraction

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I recently had the opportunity to hear a speaker at a youth event from Courage International. Courage is a Roman Catholic Apostolate, “whose members are men and women who experience same-sex attractions and who have made a commitment to strive for chastity. They are inspired by the Gospel call to holiness and the Catholic Church’s beautiful teachings about the goodness and inherent purpose of human sexuality.”

These are difficult times for catechists. What the Catholic Church teaches regarding sexuality is opposed to what society is forcing on our students. Teaching the beauty of authentic love (during a time when the daily news cycle demonstrates that some within the Church did not faithfully live that teaching) is difficult. Courage International teaches Catholic truth without apology. What can catechists learn from this?

Teach Truth with Love

I was impressed by the love and compassion expressed by the speaker towards those who are struggling with same-sex attraction. He emphasized that we must change this discussion from homosexuality to human sexuality; “The truth spoken without love is more dangerous than a thousand lies, but love spoken without truth is the most dangerous lie of all,” he stated.

He further explained that gender is an important part of this new discussion on sexuality. Then pointing out that we know gender is eternal when you consider the examples of Jesus’ Ascension and Mary’s Assumption ~ when their earthly bodies, male and female, entered heaven! We understand that the resurrection of the body is of the body God gave us. This body will someday be in heaven; we cannot ignore how important God’s design of the human body is.  This is completely counter to what society is currently saying regarding gender fluidity (the idea that gender is not set).

It is important to reject straw-man arguments that begin, “The Church should be more welcoming to (LGBTQ) people.” The Catholic Church welcomes ALL people! It is important to meet everyone where they are, but throughout history the Church has led people to a better place, a place of holiness. Jesus always showed love to people struggling with life choices, then he encouraged them to, “go and sin no more.” Catechists must teach as Jesus did.

Teach Facts not Emotions

In a thoughtful article regarding gender fluidity and science, Margaret Wente states:

‘It seems ridiculous to have to argue this, but the science is settled. The two biological sexes (and there are only two) are broadly (though by no means perfectly) coterminous with gender. This holds for nearly every species in the animal kingdom, even us, and for all societies on Earth. Close to 100 percent of the human race is born with a set of either male or female chromosomes. A small number of people are born with chromosomal and/or reproductive abnormalities, and these people are commonly identified as “intersex.”

If a person is convinced that they are attracted to the same sex, we must emphasize that many behaviors we are drawn to may be unhealthy for us. For example, certain people are predisposed to alcoholism, but we do not encourage people to be alcoholics because it would not be best for them. That is precisely why the Catholic Church teaches that chastity is the only healthy (physical and spiritual) option for someone who is attracted to the same sex.

Provide a Safe, Truth-Filled Environment

The Courage International Speaker put forth the theory that we have become a co-dependent society, enabling a dysfunction rather than teaching truth and helping others. Any catechist/youth minister who works with young people may be able to recognize the contrast in how truth is currently defined by society. Compare how we handle a young person with anorexia to one struggling with same-sex attraction or gender confusion. We would never just say that a person with anorexia is “born that way” (although they may be biologically predisposed to that disorder) or that we should “accept their reality.” We recognize that the young person’s behavior may be damaging or dangerous for their future well-being. We speak truth and we guide those young people towards assistance in working through difficult issues.

The question is not which gender you are or what sex you are attracted to; the question is, Do you know your value and worth exactly the way God created you? He has a purpose for each of you just the way you are. How do we help our students realize the part they play in this beautiful plan?

Know the Causes of Confusion

The speaker expressed the idea that sometimes, in searching for love and companionship, young people who have an early, pleasurable physical experience can identify that with a particular sexual persuasion, just because the tactile senses were triggered in a positive way. Many sexual experiences do give us positive feelings; that alone should not be a determining factor when considering sexuality.

Catechists should encourage young people to focus on developing as human beings, rather than trying to identify themselves first as sexual beings. Many of these young people are stating a sexual preference (or preferred gender identity) before they have even reached puberty, much less completed the process of full brain development (at around age 24 years). Many studies show that (especially in the area of gender confusion) young people will eventually identify sexually with their appropriate gender by their early twenties. A recent article by the American College of Pediatricians lists the serious concerns about the dangers of gender ideology when dealing with children.

Know and Teach the Authentic Needs of Each Person

In conclusion, there are four authentic needs and opposite desires that we should consider when assisting young people in these struggles:

  1. Love vs. Lust (focused on self, immediate gratification, wanting what God does not want for you)
  2. Belonging vs. Possessing (or being possessed)
  3. Self-Worth vs. Ego (self-absorption)
  4. Freedom vs. Bondage (to sin, bad choices, or a lifestyle)

Model Positive Behavior

Many of our students have not had good role models and peer models. They may not have been exposed to healthy examples of relationships.  We can live our lives as the counter-narrative to what our students are seeing on television, in school, and possibly even at home. Above all, we can pray, demonstrate chaste and appropriate love/concern, and remind ourselves that authentic love will change things.

 

 

HOT TOPIC: Same-Sex Attraction (SSA)

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I’d like to introduce this topic by saying that I believe, personally, that there are many possible roads leading to the experience of SSA. For some, it is emotional/physical deprivation or abuse that creates the deep-seated need for same-sex affirmation and affection, but for many young people raised in loving homes, it may be cultural influences bearing down through indoctrination, peer example, and the destruction of intimate friendships by an over-sexualized society. I’m not an expert, so feel free to disagree with me, but this 3-minute video, created by a young woman who has identified a clear path to her SSA, uses “spoken word” (rhythmic, like rap) to powerfully express her legitimate, personal experience. Please share it around.