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Seven Ways to Observe Advent with Children

Photo by Stefan Schweihofer (2018) via Pixabay, CCO Creative Commons

Perhaps you too have had the experience of preparing for Christmas, only to realize that amongst the candy-making, the letter-writing, the present-purchasing, the tree-trimming, and more, you never got around to spiritual preparation, even though you really meant to this year.

If you would like to add a more reflective or penitential note to your family’s Advent observance, check out the seven ideas below to get you started. Choose one (or two), gather what you will need, and start a new family tradition!

Jesse tree

The idea:

Recall salvation history. Use ornaments decorated with symbols to represent the events and stories leading up to the birth of Jesus and hang them on a tree of some kind (the tree is so named after Jesse, father of King David–see Isaiah 11:1).

What you will need:

You can order a kit. Check out Etsy for some beautiful ones.
You can do it yourself…you need something to be the tree, something to make ornaments, and a Bible or knowledge of Bible stories. I use a book that has reproducible ornaments. Each year I photocopy one set of ornaments for each child. I cut out a large Christmas tree shape from wrapping paper and tape it on the wall. Each day (when all goes well), the kids color their ornaments while I read to them the passage from the Bible corresponding to the symbol they are coloring. They then cut out their ornaments and tape them on the tree.
The tree can also be a bare branch set into a mason jar full of stones or sand, and the ornaments can be hung on it with loops of ribbon.

Advent stockings: good works

The idea:

The family does a spiritual or corporal work of mercy (or other charitable act) each day of advent. For example, we might give away a piece of clothing; pray for an end to abortion; pray for our priests; call someone who might be lonely, etc.

You need:

Slips of paper listing the good works you will do (see the end of this post for ideas).
Something to put them in. I have mini stockings with numbers on them, which we hang up. Every evening I put a slip of paper in the next day’s stocking, choosing the activity based on what can fit into our family calendar. But you could easily do the same with numbered envelopes or, if you are really adventurous, just put them all in a mason jar and see what you pull out!

Making soft Baby Jesus’ Bed

The idea:

Family members make sacrifices and do good acts throughout Advent. For each one, they lay a piece of straw or hay in an empty manger, trying to get the bed as soft as possible before Baby Jesus will be born on Christmas morning.

You need:

Raffia, hay, straw, grass, or strips of yellow construction paper.
Some sort of manger.
Baby Jesus statue.

Advent wreath

The idea:

Four candles represent the four Sundays of Advent. Three are purple to represent penance; the fourth is pink for Gaudete Sunday (the 3rd Sunday of Advent. Gaudete means “joy,” and the priest will wear rose-colored vestments). On the first Sunday of Advent, light the purple candle that is diagonal from the pink one. Say a prayer of longing for Our Savior. Every evening light this candle, accompanied by a prayer, and each successive Sunday light an additional candle.

You need:

An advent wreath/candle holder
Candles

Salvation history candle

The idea:

Similar to a Jesse tree but for the artistic. You will draw on a large candle (about 2 feet tall) the scenes from salvation history, starting with Adam and Eve at the top and Baby Jesus at the bottom. You will burn the candle throughout Advent.

You need:

A church-style large candle, 51% beeswax, about 2’ tall. Can be found at stjudeshop.com
Drawing implements

Planned read-alouds

The idea:

Read advent and nativity books during Advent: either one story per day in a book of collected Advent stories or separate books.

You need:

A book with a collection of 22-28 Advent stories (here is the one we have); or
22-28 picture books that are Advent-related, about saints whose feast day falls in Advent, or about salvation history. If you choose this option, you might want to wrap them in wrapping paper and number them, opening up one on each day.

Piece-by-piece nativity set

The idea:

Rather than give a little piece of candy in an Advent calendar, each day brings another object or person to add to the nativity scene, starting with the stable/cave and ending with Baby Jesus.

You need:

You can buy a set online that has the requisite number of pieces; or
You can make one yourself out of felt, bringing out one piece each day; or
Your children make their own paper nativity set, coloring a piece every day using free printables online.

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Resources:

Here is a list of good works you might use for your family’s Advent stockings.

Do something nice for someone in secret today.
Look around your room. Is there anything you can give away to the poor?
Do an extra chore today.
Try hard to be cheerful in everything you do today.
Draw a picture of the nativity.
Read about a saint today.
Pray for your priest today. Could you offer up a sacrifice for the Church today?
Pray for an end to abortion today and give away something to moms in need.
Pray for the deceased today. Could you make a sacrifice for the souls in purgatory?
Pray for persecuted Christians today and learn about a country where they do not have freedom of religion.
Pray for people who do not know Jesus. Is there something you could do extra as an offering for them?
Pray for your family today. What can you do to help your family be more like the Holy Family?
Pray a Rosary today.
Pray the Chaplet of Divine mercy.
Do an examination of conscience tonight, and if possible, schedule Confession sometime soon.
Take a meal to someone in need.
Make a card to send to someone who lives far away.
Call or invite someone over who might be lonely.
Read the Nativity story from the Bible.
Make ornaments to send to the nursing home.
Do something for someone else that you normally don’t want to do (such as offer to play a game you know he likes).
Eat all of your food with a good attitude (even if you don’t like it) and be grateful you have it.
Sing a song to baby Jesus or make up a poem for Him.
Act out the nativity or part of the salvation story or do a puppet show.
Give money to the poor. You may do an extra chore and give away any money you earn.
Bake something and give away half.
Write or draw a thank-you card for someone.
Make a gift for your priest or staff at your parish church.
Give away food to the food pantry.
Give away a piece of warm clothing.
Work on memorizing a Bible verse.
Go to morning Mass.
Give up something you like to do or eat today and offer it up as a prayer for someone in need.
Wrap up something you have and give it to someone.

My Top 12 Tips for New-to-Homeschooling Parents

By Amanda Woodiel

Some friends of mine have decided to homeschool next year, and I found myself giddy. Homeschooling has blessed our family tremendously–from the amount of time I get to form my children in virtue to the simple life we are forced to live in order to accommodate one income; from the relationships my older children have with my younger children to the generous amount of leisure it affords us.

My exuberance makes me want to rain advice and book suggestions down on my friends’ unsuspecting heads, but I recognize that I should exercise restraint. Instead, I offer here my top 12 tips for New-to-Homeschool folks.

1) Decide what your non-negotiables are at this stage of your child’s education.

For us, our non-negotiables are learning our faith well; math; learning to write well; and reading time. Would I like my kids to know their history? Of course. But I can add that into my non-negotiables of writing and reading. Do I want them to know science? I do. Geography? Yes. But those will increase in intensity as they get older. For now, if they read, write, do some math, have some kind of virtue/Bible lesson, and get outside to play or build, then that’s a good day.

2) Write your school’s mission statement based upon the non-negotiables and post it.

As you get into learning more about homeschooling, it’s pretty easy to lose the forest for the trees. It’s a little like wedding planning…suddenly, you think you must incorporate party favors and cake pops while the real thing you ought to be concerned about (the sacrament of marriage) gets lost under the fluff. Knowing what your mission is helps to make those homeschooling decisions a little easier; everything can be held under the light of “does this fit into our educational mission?”

3) Know who you are.

See, as you go along, you are going to come across blogs of homeschool parents who make snow globes and amazing origami forest animals. If that’s not you, don’t sweat it. Your kids will be fine, I assure you, without ever building an Egyptian pyramid out of colored sugar cubes. Instead, focus on your own talents for teaching. Are you great at silly songs? That’s awesome for teaching history. Do you enjoy being outside? You can pack science, math, and religion into a single nature walk. Are you good at carpentry? More math! Sure, you can stretch yourself every now and then and do more of what you aren’t naturally disposed to do, but for the day in and day out of homeschool, teach in a way that is pleasant to you.

4) Know who your child is.

As you go along in your homeschooling journey, you will come to know who your child is and how he learns best. Sadly, it may not quite match your preferred method. That’s okay–you can both stretch. This is one reason why homeschooling is so effective: you can tailor how you teach to how your student learns. Is he visual? Use dry erase boards a lot. Auditory learner? Record yourself reading his spelling list and spelling it out for him. Does he learn through story? Read aloud his history. Does he need to move a lot? Math problems can be combined with races pretty easily.

5) Look at different homeschooling philosophies before you sweat which curriculum you will use.

Charlotte Mason, Classical, Waldorf, and Unit Studies will soon become educational philosophies you will dissect with other homeschooling parents. Simply learning about different ways to homeschool will likely help you fine-tune what is important to you. Personally, I don’t follow any homeschool philosophy in particular but have picked out elements from several different methods. I strongly believe in outside time a la Charlotte Mason, I incorporate the 4-year cycle of history study used by the Classical method, and I am low-electronics like Waldorf.

6) Co-op…or not.

You can’t go wrong here. Trust your gut. You can do a co-op and thereby pool your talents with others so that your kids are getting pottery classes, for example, whereas you can hardly draw a stick figure personally. On the other hand, you could not do a co-op and learn art alongside your child at home. One thing I will say is that the “socialization” impetus for co-ops is largely over-emphasized. If you live in a neighborhood, go to church, have interactions with extended family, participate in any organized extra-curricular activity like Cub Scouts or sports, and make time for play dates or library activities…your kids are going to be socialized just fine, and they will be socialized across age groups as children have been for hundreds of generations before.

7) Structure your day.

In general, children like structure to their day, and this is especially important if your child is transitioning from traditional school to homeschool. He is used to having nearly every minute planned out for him. Clearly, you don’t need to go to that extreme, but a simple rhythm to your day will obviate being asked again and again, “What are we doing next? Can I go outside? When can we paint?” It can be as simple as “breakfast, read aloud, math, recess, handwriting, read-alone time, lunch, done.” It will also keep you from having to reinvent the wheel every day.

8) Schedule your non-negotiables first.

I used to put the stuff that was really important to me, like Scripture memorization, after we got other subjects out of the way. Do you know that meant? That meant we hardly ever got to Scripture memorization. Someone dropped by, or I had to prep dinner, or everything just took longer than I had anticipated or it was a beautiful day and we decided to go for a walk. I finally realized that we had to do our non-negotiables first and all of those lovely enrichment-type activities as the day progressed. That way, by the end of the day, we had at least done what was most important to us. Another idea is to put the electives at the end of the week. In our home, we schedule Fine Arts Friday and study art history, music appreciation, poetry, creative writing, and/or go on field trips then.

9) Don’t try to re-create a traditional school environment at home.

You don’t have to do six different subjects every day. You could decide to take a month and do all science all the time. You can do one subject in-depth every day of the week for a total of five subjects weekly. You can do school in the afternoon. Your kid does not have to sit at a desk. You can do math problems with chalk outside. You can do all of school outside! You can do a math review while you grocery shop. You can add non-traditional subjects like service projects and gardening. Or maybe that’s all you do for a month! Again, refer back to your non-negotiables and mission statement, but remember, you can be far more flexible and creative in how you implement them than what you might believe at first.

10) Structure quiet time into every day.

This is to keep your sanity, basically, and yet I personally believe it to be a fundamental human need that is often overlooked. I want my kids to know how to be alone with themselves without having to turn on a screen. I want them to learn how to entertain themselves. Especially since we have a large family, we could constantly be chattering away and running about without ever learning to listen to our thoughts and how to be at peace with ourselves. And also–this will be the time when you get your things done.

11) Use a daily checklist.

Any child who can read can use a checklist to help manage his time. This is convenient when you have multiple children to teach. You can’t constantly answer “What should I do next?” I make our checklists on the computer. Each page lasts a week and has five columns, one for every day. Anything that we do together we do first (such as prayer time–we love Lisa’s book Heads Bowed: Prayers for Catholic School Days), and then each child has independent work for the day to get done.

12) Read aloud and then read aloud some more.

Reading aloud has been part of our family culture and has given us innumerable adventures from our living room. We probably know as many imaginary characters as we do real people, and it has widened our experience and deepened our bonds like nothing else. If all I did for the first three grades were to read aloud for a couple of hours each day, I would consider that time well spent. Since I usually don’t have hours every day to read aloud, I do what I can and supplement with audiobooks.

Relax. There are many ways to do this homeschooling thing right, and as long as it is done thoughtfully and with love, I can hardly think of how you could go wrong. Blessings on your homeschool journey!

Teach Your Kids to Pray in 5 Simple Steps

By Jeannie Ewing

My husband and I are not unusual in the sense that we have three daughters. What is unusual about our family, however, is that two of our three girls have special needs. “Special needs,” of course, runs a wide gamut. In our case, it covers both minor developmental issues that can be corrected through occupational therapy (for our oldest, Felicity) and complex care that includes medical, psychological, and educational professionals (for Sarah, our middle child).

When we were teaching the older girls how to pray, they weren’t sure what that entailed. I wanted to use the acronym ACTS to explain that prayer can be adoration, contrition, thanksgiving, and supplication (or petition). But they didn’t really understand the academic explanation. Here’s what I did instead. (Thank you, Holy Spirit!)

Use a simple formula for young kids or children who have cognitive impairment to help prayer become a natural, fluid conversation with God that covers all of the four hallmarks of prayer:

Dear Jesus, my day was…
Thank you for…
I’m sorry for…
Please help me to…
I love you, Jesus. Amen.

Have your child begin in front of an image of Jesus or statue. In our home, it’s a framed image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. The girls get some holy water, make the Sign of the Cross (sometimes with help), and begin with item #1. Telling Jesus about their day helps them make the connection that Jesus is real and cares about the details of our lives – also that our daily lives change, and it’s good to bring the hurts, frustrations, and joys to prayer.

Item #2 is a prayer of thanksgiving. I try to jog my girls’ memory by saying, “What is something good that happened today you’d like to thank Jesus for?” Sometimes the variations of this might be, “What’s something special about today?” or “Is there a person in your life you want to thank Jesus for?” Gratitude, I believe, fosters a much deeper sense of who we are as people of faith because of acknowledging God’s provision.

When we segue into item #3, we are entering into contrition. This is a very rudimentary form of an evening examen, but the point is to put a habit into place that can be expounded upon later, as your child matures. I might prompt the girls with something like, “What’s something you did today that you wish you hadn’t?” or “Are you sorry for anything you might have said or done today?” It’s incredible the things they remember and bring to the Lord!

#4 is really a continuation of the third item, yet it acts alone as the hallmark of petition, or supplication. I tell the girls that sometimes when we see our sins, we can ask Jesus for the grace of a specific virtue we might need. For example, if Felicity says she is sorry for mouthing off to Mom today, she might ask Jesus to help her use self-control and grow in respect. These, of course, are conversations we have as they go along with their prayer.

Finally, let’s end with praising God! When we tell Him we love Him (which we can never do enough), we end our short conversation by handing Him our hearts.

This has become such a treasured part of our nightly routine, and it has been a very useful way to incorporate spontaneous dialogue between our girls and God.

Forgiveness Beyond the Grave

By Amanda Woodiel

My father died last week. It was unexpected. He had had health issues the last couple of years and had never seemed particularly robust, but he was never near death, either.

My mom passed away eight years prior. Here I am, in my 30s (barely!) with five small children and no parents. It’s not a common status among my circle of friends, but it could be far worse.

I mention this simply to show that I have a frame of reference when I talk about grieving deceased parents. This isn’t my first rodeo. What is different this time, however, is that my father was, well, a different man than what he seemed to be. Over the last few years we had uncovered surprising details about his life–details that I will spare you, dear reader.

So the grief I feel is an alloyed grief. There is sadness that the opportunity has passed for our relationship to transform coupled with confusion over details that keep popping up (such as the bewildering claim he apparently made that he had been sent on a secret mission for the Department of Defense) commingled with utter dismay that his last note to us–intentionally placed in a spot where we would find it–was as efficient as a corporate memo and as warm as a ransom note.

The question I am left with–aside from the question of what is true regarding his life–is the question of forgiveness. How do you forgive someone who lies in his grave and whose lies extend beyond the grave? (The last sentence of his last note to us was, in fact, untrue.) How do you forgive someone who betrayed his family but who genuinely believed he could fool everyone–and who maybe, in the end, fooled himself?

As I have pondered these questions, a specific path to forgiveness and healing keeps coming to mind. Think back to Cana, the site of Jesus’ first public miracle. The hosts had run out of wine, and Mary, with the compassion of a mother’s heart, knew the embarrassment they would face. Her son is at the same wedding feast, so she hurries to him and tells him the problem. At first, Jesus seems to resist her urging. But she–great Jewish mama that she is–brushes aside his response and turns to the servants. “Do whatever he tells you,” she says with complete confidence in him. Jesus is moved by his mother’s urging and by her faith. Jesus acts, in this instance, because of his mother’s intercession.

This intercessor was given to us from the cross when Jesus gave her to John. John stands there in history as the faithful disciple but also stands in for us when Jesus gives Mary to his care: “behold your mother.” She is our mother as well, our dear compassionate mother, who is also, in evangelical parlance, a “prayer warrior.” Mary, just as she was at Cana, is a compassionate intercessor for those of us who face complicated situations.

Mary is known by many names. One such name comes from a meditation by St Irenaeus, bishop of Lyons in the last quarter of the second century and a Church Father. Drawing out a comparison between Eve and Mary, he noted:

“And thus also it was that the knot of Eve’s disobedience was loosed by the obedience of Mary” (Against Heresies, Book III, Chapter 22).

Man’s fall from grace due to original sin–what knot could be more complicated than that? Original sin, endured since our first parents, was loosed by the obedience of Mary to the will of God when she gave her fiat to become the mother of the Holy God. And so she is known as “Mary, Undoer of Knots.” Mary, undoer of the knot of original sin. Mary, undoer of whatever knot is in your life and the big knot that is in mine.

I once had a lovely little card that had printed on it “The best way out is always through.” The best way out of the pain is to walk through it. And so I have been given the answer to my question of how do I forgive: pray a daily Rosary alongside Mary, Undoer of Knots, for my father’s departed soul and for my wounded one.

What does this prayer do? Two things. When we pray in good faith for someone who has hurt us we cannot help but love that person more. It is hard for us to love the person whom we do not know. I have only done this prayer for the last week, and already I am looking at my father through more compassionate eyes than ever before; somehow, it is giving me more knowledge of him.

Secondly, praying the Rosary has a way of showing us who we are. Contemplating the mysteries of the God-Man being scourged or crowned with thorns gives me pause to think about the ways in which I have unleashed my own contempt for my Savior. The prayer becomes, then, less about offender (dad) and victim (me) and instead becomes two sinners contemplating God’s passion and his love and mercy.

And then, of course, the prayer is the outpouring of hope that God will and does redeem all things. Everything else in my life–my mother’s terminal brain disease, for example–has shown itself to be a gift. Perhaps the gift is a severe mercy, but there is always mercy. There is always the great Divine Act of turning evil on its head to bless–witness the crucifixion itself.

Praying a daily Rosary for those who have wounded us alongside our great mother and intercessor is ultimately an act of hope, an act of humility, and an act of love. By focusing daily and for a sustained time on the life of Jesus in the company of Mary, Undoer of Knots, I have confidence that I will find healing and peace.

The Father’s Love

By Maureen Smith

This Lent I have found that my prayer has led me to strengthen my relationship with God the Father. The Liturgy and the various traditions of this Holy Season draw me into solitude and I have become mindful of my dependence on Him, who cares for His little daughter.

I do not think it is a coincidence that my (earthly) father’s birthday is today, Friday of the First Week of Lent. As I reflect on the gift that my father is to me, I am reminded of how the Lord is at work in my life during Lent – particularly how God the Father is pursuing a more intimate relationship with me, His daughter. These are just a few ways that I see parallels in the relationships with my two Fathers, with a special Lenten focus.

1. My Father loves to look at me.

There are few things more precious than watching a new parent hold his or her child. It is easy to think that after we grow up our parents stop looking at us this way, since we have exhausted their capacity to look tenderly upon us. But I know for a fact that my Dad still likes to see me. I know that between the hours of 4 pm and 8 pm each Sunday I will receive a voice mail from my him, asking when I will be able to visit again. And ever time I do visit, his last words are, “…So when are you coming back?”

In the same way, as I enter the silence of Lent, I see that my Heavenly Father is overjoyed that I have committed to increase my time of prayer, not so that I can “do” anything for Him, but so that He can just look at me and be with me.

2. My Father watches out for me, even when I’ve done something wrong.

Often times when I fail to meet expectations or am struggling in life, I hesitate to tell my dad. It took me a long time to realize that he doesn’t judge me as I judge myself, and that he cares for me even when I come to him with my failures and brokenness. When I spoke to him recently about my struggles with depression and my eating disorder, and my plans to help others in recovery, I was incredibly nervous. Up until then I would usually pretend I had it all together. After I finally revealed my life the way it truly was, rather than putting up a happy-go-lucky facade, I saw my dad’s face prouder than I’ve ever seen. Even though I was admitting my brokenness, without the illusion of self-sufficiency and autonomy, I felt more than ever that I belonged to my father, and that he would always care for me and support me.

This reminds me of the story of the Prodigal Son, who was embraced by his father upon his return, who was waiting for him. He did not punish him for squandering his inheritance, rather, the father meets him with a heart full of mercy and forgiveness, in his poverty and humility – and draws him into the intimate bond of sonship. This reminds me of the words of the Attende Domine, a hymn sung during Lent, “Draw near, O Lord our God, graciously hear us, keep us from sinning before you…”

We who are sons and daughters of God can be confident in the fidelity of the Father’s love. He is always ready to forgive us and capture us in his loving arms despite our fear of disapproval. Lent reminds us of this truth, that we can turn back to Him and that we belong to Him regardless of our past.

3. My Father loves to give me presents.

I remember as a kid, being so excited when my dad would return from his business trips. Aside from the fact that I missed him, he usually used to bring home presents for me and each of my siblings. Even when I entered religious life for two years he would send me gifts, and to this day he still has a great desire to give me things. Last year he gave me his extra car (!) so that I can visit more often. It is not the gift itself but the love that is expressed in the act of giving that I treasure so much.

My Heavenly Father does the same for me. Lent is a time when we “give up” consolations, but the stripping away of those earthly comforts reveals those spiritual gifts we so often neglect to see. Each day He nourishes me with the gift of His Son in the Word and in the Eucharist. In Confession He strengthens, heals, and forgives me. Many of His presents are not so tangible, but with the eyes of faith I can see how His grace surrounds me. Each day brings with it so many little miracles that remind me of God’s love and affection. Many of these go unnoticed, for example, the smile of a stranger, the Scripture verse that struck my heart, the flower that blooms in the middle of winter. These are all reminders of what the love of my dad points to – the eternal, never-failing, inexhaustible, and unquenchable love of Our Father in Heaven.

I realize that there are many who are not blessed with a father like mine, and so this inspires gratitude in my heart to God for this great “present.” It also reminds me that no matter who we are, no matter what our relationship is like with our father, we all have a God in Heaven that we can call Father. I pray that each of us this Lent will be strengthened in the relationships with our father and father figures, and most importantly with Our Heavenly Father, Who looks upon us with great love, Who protects and forgives us, and Who gave us the best gift of all – salvation by the Death and Resurrection of His Son which we commemorate during this Holy Season.

Is it Sacrificial?

By Mary Lou Rosien

This winter has been so very long and cold. It almost feels sacrificial just to go to school or work in this frigid weather. It brings to my mind, ideas about what sacrifice really during this season of Lent.

Catholics have certain traditions for Lent including the practice of abstaining from meat on Fridays. Unfortunately, in too many families (including mine) the practice becomes an excuse to treat ourselves to a fish fry or lobster dinner rather than being a sacrificial offering.

Catholics make sacrifices during Lent for several reasons. Denying ourselves certain pleasures helps us to discipline ourselves by focusing on spiritual things rather than physical ones. We also abstain from meat on Fridays to emphasize and remember Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. Before Christ laid down His own life for our sins, animals were sacrificed to honor the Lord. Animal sacrifice is no longer necessary as Christ has paid the ultimate price to free us from our sins.

Often, we start out with the best of intentions, but fall into patterns of behavior that we follow mindlessly, without thinking about why we are doing what we are doing. A dear priest brought this to my attention one Friday night. I wanted to impress him, so I made salmon, scallops, asparagus and rice. He enjoyed it thoroughly, but teased me that it was not sacrificial at all and that he would need to give up something else to compensate.

It became apparent to me that I had forgotten what meatless Fridays were all about. It should be a time to make a simple meal as a sacrifice to God. How can we correct our thinking about this Lenten Sacrifice?

One idea is to make pancakes, soup, or grilled cheese sandwiches and donate the money we would have spent on a more elaborate dinner. Some families put this money into their Lenten Mite box and donate it to their church at the end of Lent.

Another idea is to invite a less fortunate family over for dinner or bring dinner to them.
Still another is to spend a little extra time in prayer before dinner thanking God for all the ingredients that go into making the food and for the hands that prepared the dinner. This can help our families focus on how blessed we are to have food available to us.

Offering things up gives a chance to exercise our spiritual muscles. Just like the muscles in our bodies, if we do not exercise our spiritual muscles they will become weak. Denying ourselves also helps us to recognize the needs of others. How many times since disasters in Haiti, Thailand or even here, have I stopped myself from making dinner in order to finish the leftovers in the fridge? I can’t justify throwing food away while I am looking at the pictures of people starving on television. Lastly, doing without some pleasures, focusing on the meaning of Lent and looking forward to the glory of Christ’s resurrection on Easter (ultimately heaven) will enhance the sweetness of that time. God Bless.
Copyright 2010/revised 2015

Family Mass

By Deanna Bartalini

Photo, D Bartalini

The term “family Mass” probably conjures up all sorts of memories or ideas for people. I’m sure not all of these memories or ideas are positive ones either. Having been in ministry for as many years as I have, I’ve seen and participated in many Masses in the past that I would never consider appropriate now. But in the 70’s things happened. Fast forward and try to get rid of your thoughts, especially the ones against special Masses, and hear me out. Family Mass can be a good thing. Of course, Mass is always good and Mass should never be celebrated for one group to exclude another,

For many years in the parish where I currently work, families were not welcome. At all. There was one altar server. First penance was not celebrated; the confessions were heard in the hallway during class on a Sunday morning. Our goal in having a Family Mass was to invite families to return to their faith home. Once a month, at our regularly scheduled 9:00 a.m. Sunday Mass, we have children serve as lectors and ushers. At homily time, the children are called forward and sit on the steps in front of the altar; listening and responding to a homily just for them. A few of the children bring up the offertory gifts. Our children’s choir sings as usual. What are the benefits to doing this? Families come to Mass together, the children participate in serving the parish, and the parish is seen as caring for families. Another important point to note, no one has complained. I have instituted many programs at many parishes and never once have I received no complaints. Older adults, who are the majority of our parishioners, are thrilled to see the children and especially enjoy their participation. Some even comment that they prefer the homilies given for the children since they understand them better.

A family Mass may not work in your parish, but in ours it has been a positive addition. We hope that continued participation in this Mass will help families see the value and necessity of attending every week.

Should Catholic Kids Unplug?

By Mary Lou Rosien

I try to prepare myself for the tech requests of my kids: Ipods, Ipads, cell phones, laptops….and of course the newest video games and DVDs. In a world where you need to be tech savvy or at least technologically literate, I struggle with the limits to set on some of these devices and influences.

As I have struggled to raise seven kids and a foster son, I have come to some conclusions about the tech world. First, I can’t avoid it. We can limit television, computers and music, but they are everywhere and so is access to them. Second, all my children react differently to the limits placed on them and some will (horror of horrors) disobey me at times. There, I admitted it. I have raised six to adulthood, two more are close behind and I couldn’t do it perfectly. Yup….. I home schooled for years, took them to church, gave them (what I hoped was) a good example, but sometimes they disobeyed anyway.

Social media can also provide a positive tool for some children! One of my kids has a mild form of autism. Social sites helped her to connect in a non-threatening way with some of her peers. This gave her the confidence to interact more freely in person. Another daughter of mine uses her page to promote messages of chastity and a pro-life world view. We do not need to be out of the social media sites, just not negatively influenced by them.

So, with these things in mind, I have a few ideas to help parents and youth ministers tackle these difficult subjects.

1/ Don’t be too rigid. Experience has taught me that when I draw a line in the sand my children will be challenged to cross it. Rather than not having a television, we all watch things together. Instead of saying you can’t watch a particular movie, we may pre-screen it or watch it together and critique it at the end. This becomes a valuable tool for both the young adults and ourselves. They have an environment in which they are getting the benefit of our knowledge and wisdom and we know what they are drawn to watch. As our children have become adults we hope that they will make good choices and this way we can still have some influence over the things they choose.

2/ Help them to become media literate. Often times, information is presented through media purposefully confusing or even imitating truth. Most teens need help sorting this out. Teaching them how commercials are influencing them, or how movies will say, “This movie is based on actual events,” even when it is not, will help discern truth as they discover media. We can teach them critical thinking skills and give them information on websites that critique and rate movies and games for their offensive content.

3/ Join in. Many teens will use a friend’s computer to have a social networking website if they are not allowed one at home. (i.e. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc.) A better tactic might be to allow them to have one on your computer, but keep the computer in an open, family space and require that you have their password. Another idea is to have your own social media and become ‘friends’ with your kids and with their friends. You would be amazed at how much information your teen or other teens will reveal about themselves on a social networking site.

4/ Teach them safety rules. Teens often don’t realize the long-term ramifications of their actions. Consider hosting an in-service on internet safety. Discuss how predators use the internet, how info they post can follow them into job interviews and future relationships. A quick web search will reveal stories of how social media has negatively impacted someone’s life or safety.

Discuss how simple information can provide information that may violate their privacy and compromise safety. For example, a school sport’s picture with their Jersey number can be used to locate a teen. If you have any doubts about how easy it is to gain info, ask any teenage girl how she can locate a guy she has only seen once and even when she doesn’t know his name!

Encourage kids to leave off location services on their mobile devices when using wi-fi, especially in free hotspots. These services advertise where an individual can be found and when.

5/ Discuss being connected. Kids often disconnect their real life behavior from their internet behavior, song choices or movie choices. I know great Catholic kids who listen to violent music about killing and sex. They don’t think the lyrics affect their thinking process. Other teens will go to horribly offensive movies (either highly violent or sexual in nature), still others have fantasy lives on the internet.

Spending time talking about how these things can change thinking and even personalities, may help them discern what things to allow into their own lives.
*If you watch a sadistic, violent movie for two hours, can you really be the same person when you come out of the theater that you were going in?
*If a boy respects women, can he tolerate lyrics that objectify or reflect violence against women?
Opening this type of dialogue will help young people to create an informed conscience. God bless!
Copyright 2015

The Gift of Life

By Maureen Smith

Today, as we celebrate the gift of Life we pray in a special way for the unborn children who are vulnerable to the threat of abortion. We also lift up mothers who have suffered from abortion or who have been pressured to do so, and that the rights of women may be respected – including the right to give birth to their child and the right to raise their children in a safe environment. We also pray for those who are involved in abortion and any attacks on the dignity of life, that the Lord will open their eyes to the gift of their own lives and those around them.

In today’s world we see so many attacks on life. We have heard most recently about the attacks on Christians in the Middle East and other atrocities. And even in our own country there are victims of trafficking, all kinds of abuse, domestic violence, euthanasia, mistreatment of the poor, the sick, and the disabled.

What can we do? What can I do? Where do we start and how can I even make a difference?

A simple answer came to me when I was visiting my family for the birth of my nephew. As I watched my sister, her husband, and their new son I was struck by the simplicity and the overwhelming beauty of life and love. I saw in the love of my sister and her husband the pouring out of the love of our Heavenly Father and the love of the Son returning it all back without reservation. Out of that love was born a new person, who embodies that love between them, as the Holy Spirit is created out of the love of the Father and the Son.

And if there could be so much love on earth, in one small hospital room, between three people…how much more does the love of God surround us? As my sister looked down at her son, just seconds old, the pain was now forgotten. Only he mattered. And she didn’t hold the pain against her precious little one. That pain only made her more in love with him, and the suffering only made him belong more intimately to her who had waited nine long months to hold him in her arms.

Isn’t this a reflection of the love of Jesus for all of us? After he poured himself out upon the Cross for us, he didn’t look at us with annoyance, shame, or guilt because we had “caused” him such pain. Rather, it only brought us closer to His Most Sacred Heart, and it only strengthened His love for each of us.

How precious must we be to God! How precious must you be to Him! Experiencing His love gives us the context to celebrate the gift of life and to reverence each life no matter the circumstance. Even the greatest sinner and those who commit acts of violence, even they are looked upon as precious, and they especially are deserving of our love and prayers. So must we dare to love! Without reservation and without counting the cost we love even those who have hurt us. We can love them because they too are children of God.

I realized the truth of each person’s preciousness in the Eyes of God and how close He keeps each of us to His Heart as I looked down upon my nephew, only a few minutes old. The Lord will never let go of us even when we feel abandoned and alone. For any of you who have felt that you have failed God, remember the mother who does not cease loving her child when he cries as an infant, or when he screams and has temper tantrums as a toddler, or when he gets in trouble or struggles with addiction as a teenager, or when he loses his job as an adult, or even if he fails to be there when she is dying. Her love is always and forever.

How much more then is the love of God, who loved us into being?

How My Special Needs Child has Sanctified Me!

By Mary Lou Rosien

Anya and Me

I often write about how we can help special needs children learn the faith and help them in their sanctification. Today, I would like to share my personal story of how my special needs child has helped sanctify me.

My sweet Anya-Marie (Elizabeth) Joy is almost sixteen now. Our journey together has been difficult at times, almost unbearable at others, but like her name, she brings me great joy. Within hours after her birth, my husband and I noticed that Anya looked a little odd to us. She seemed to stare off into space. She is our sixth child, so we had some frame of reference on which to base our observations.

At first, we didn’t really worry about what we were seeing, but as time went on, she didn’t accomplish milestones at the same rate that our other children had. She didn’t look at us, she looked above us. She rarely smiled. We couldn’t ignore it anymore… something wasn’t right.

She was only mildly delayed in terms of motor skills, so by four years old she functioned physically quite well, except for extreme sensory integration issues. She was both hyper and hypo sensitive and required physical therapy from age two. She would stomp her feet when she walked, but would also scream if a light went on or a hair touched her body. Blessedly, we had dealt with similar issues with her older sister, so we recognized the problem and got intervention early.

By the time she was four, we were told that she had a low IQ and was moderately developmentally delayed. By age eight a diagnosis of Asperger’s (a mild form of autism) had been added to the list. As is typically with that combination of issues, the world was a threatening place to poor little Anya. She spent most of her time in screaming fits and meltdowns. Life was difficult for our entire family due to managing her problems and still trying to raise a healthy family and maintain a strong marriage.

At one point, an ‘expert’ suggested we find a ‘home’ for her. It was then that we decided to proactively change everything in our lives to help our little girl thrive. We read everything, studied anything, spent countess hours working with Anya. We were supported by some wonderful family and friends who wanted to help us, help her. We developed a plan and strategies, regularly changing them to adapt to her changing needs. We looked at all family outings as potential meltdown scenarios and developed coping and exit strategies when our worst fears materialized.

One of Anya’s safety zones was, well, me! A friend once referred to me as her Rosetta stone, because I could translate her to the world and the world to her. She went everywhere with me. My mom jokingly (and lovingly) called her, “mommy’s little barnacle.” She clung to me all day, everyday. As she got older she would even go to work with me, sitting quietly for hours as I had meetings.

A few years ago, things started to improve. She still went everywhere with me and still wouldn’t venture anywhere except school on her own, but her gifts and talents started to shine through. She has a love for the clarinet. She also has a wonderful gift for caring for small children, especially with children who have disabilities. As I would teach Adult Faith Formation, Anya would care for the children of some of my catechumens. One little boy was non-verbal, autistic. He would jump up and down as soon as he saw her. Anya also has an ability to take beautiful pictures. Her dream is to photograph special needs children.

A few years ago she was Confirmed. She chose Elizabeth as her Confirmation name, very logically, as she was already named after Jesus’ mother and grandmother, why not his cousin too?! She often contributes at youth group, goes on the March for Life and to the Steubenville Youth Conferences (as long as I am one of the chaperones) and will even venture to a friend’s house occasionally now and then.

She has taught our family patience. She has taught us to put another’s needs above our own comfort. We have learned to be flexible, to accommodate her rigidity. All of my children are loving and sensitive to the needs of others, especially to the disabled. She has helped us grown in the love of Christ, as we learned to love the least of our brothers.

She has grown exponentially in the environment of our family and has had a jump in IQ score and social skills. She is still measured as low, but low-average on most scales that measure intelligence and social functioning!

As my little ‘saint-maker’ sits beside me as I drive to work, I realize how much we have shared because she has always been by my side. I recognize that someday, she will be on her own, and that my passenger seat will no longer hold my chatty, constant companion. My heart flies at the knowledge that she has grown, but as I sit here writing this, I am wiping more than a few tears from my eyes. She has succeeded, but maybe I am the one who has grown. Thank you, Anya. We love you!