Ellen Gable Hrkach Archives - Amazing Catechists

Intimate Preparations

“And so I take (my wife) not for any lustful motive, but I do it in singleness of heart. Be kind enough to…bring us to old age together.” Tobit 8:7

“..Now, gird up your loins and arise...” Jer: 1:17

Which scripture verse more accurately describes how a couple should prepare for the conjugal embrace? Praying for a singleness of heart, without lustful motive…or girding up one’s loins for “war”?

Yet many couples prepare for intimacy by “girding up their loins:” wearing condoms, inserting diaphragms, taking a pill, putting on a patch, having an IUD inserted, undergoing an operation. It seems to me that these couples are preparing more for “war” than for the marital embrace, “protecting” themselves against unwanted pregnancy, “protecting” themselves against their spouse’s fertility.

Compare that to the couples who do not use contraceptives. They are generous in opening their marriage to children, and when necessary, they use Natural Family Planning and abstain in the fertile time. They’re not girding up their loins; they’re not “protecting” each other from an unwanted pregnancy. When they give of themselves in the marital act, it is a total gift, not a partial one.

The question is: How do you prepare for intimacy?

Some might answer, “We watch porn.” Others may say, “I make sure my diaphragm is in place,” or “We keep a packet of condoms by the bed.”

And yet…are these really appropriate ways for a couple to prepare for the most intimate act between husband and wife?

Obviously not.

So how can a couple prepare? Here is a short list of helpful ways:

1. Pray Together
Marital prayer is an ideal way to prepare for intimacy. When marital prayer is frequent, praying before relations becomes a logical extension. The conjugal embrace is itself a prayer. Let’s review what makes this act so holy and meaningful. In the marital embrace, with their bodies, husband and wife renew their wedding vows. Becoming one with our beloved spouse is the ultimate spiritual, physical and emotional experience. We become one flesh…so much so that sometimes, nine months later, we must give the representation of that oneness a name.

2. Throw Away the Contraception
No, I’m not asking couples to have as many children as possible. But what I am saying is that for the conjugal embrace to be honest and life-giving, it must be free, total, faithful and fruitful. Natural Family Planning allows a couple to love each other as God loves: freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully. NFP couples chart the wife’s fertility signs and, if avoiding pregnancy, abstain in the fertile time. They are not using devices; they are giving themselves fully and they are open to children with each and every act of marital relations. See my previous post on the Theology of the Body in a Nutshell. For more information on NFP, check out my previous post entitled “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about NFP.”

3. Healthy Relationship
I know a few couples who fight constantly. These same couples brag that they have a great sex life. Well, they may have a lot of “good feelings” but when a couple is not getting along in their day-to-day life, sex, even ‘good’ sex, is not going to fix that. What about the husband who treats his wife in a condescending, critical manner, then expects her to be ready and willing to engage in the marital embrace…or a wife who constantly nags her husband, then wants him to be affectionate to her? Communicate with one another; treat each other with kindness, respect and love.

4. No Pornography
Some secular marriage counselors recommend that a couple use porn to “spice up their sex life.” Instead of “enhancing” a marital sex life, viewing sexually explicit videos has the potential of destroying a marriage. Blessed John Paul II said: “…the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.” Porn trains people to be selfish about their sexuality, not selfless. It teaches them to think about sex as something they take, not something they give. Any behavior that causes a person to be self-centered or selfish is never good for marriage. And…pornography can be highly addictive. Mary Anne Layden, co-director of the Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program at the University of PA’s Center for Cognitive Therapy, called porn the “most concerning thing to psychological health that I know of existing today….pornography addicts have a more difficult time recovering from their addiction than cocaine addicts, since coke users can get the drug out of their system, but pornographic images stay in the brain forever.”

5. Single Candle Light
I enjoy romantic, candlelit dinners with my husband. Well, why not a candlelit conjugal embrace? In the 15th century, it was common for painters to place one solitary lit candle in their paintings to symbolize the presence of Christ. If you have small children or might fall asleep too quickly afterwards, perhaps you can use an electric candle/light…or set an alarm…but be prudent. A simple, solitary light can bring more symbolism to your intimacy. And…it can help put you both in the “mood.”

6. Focus on Your Spouse
“Intense love does not measure; it just gives.” This quote from Blessed Mother Teresa is an ideal quote for marriage. Marriage isn’t all about “me.” It’s about “us.” What are your spouse’s needs? Think of his/her needs in all facets of your relationship. Intimate ‘memos’ bring a couple closer. Notes in your spouse’s lunch, special messages left on his workbench or on her desk, daily texts are all ways to intimately connect during the day and let your spouse know you are thinking of him/her. The important thing is to focus on the other in all things and when it comes time for the marital embrace, this selflessness will follow naturally.

7. We Can Work It Out
When you consider all the day-to-day challenges like children, work, fatigue, family bed, stress and sickness, it’s often a miracle that a couple has the time to engage in marital intimacy at all. The spontaneity of early marriage eventually gives way to planning for intimacy. “Family bed?” Consider another location for the marital embrace. Mom too tired? Perhaps Dad can take the kids out to the park while Mom gets a well-deserved rest after dinner. Dad too stressed? Mom can have a hot relaxing bath waiting for Dad when he arrives home.

Do you want to prepare for the holiest, most satisfying intimate experience possible? Treat your spouse with respect, pray together, focus on your spouse, don’t use porn and be creative in finding time for intimacy.

To celebrate St.Valentine’s Day, I’ve made the Kindle edition of my book, Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship FREE on Kindle (Feb. 12-16). To download your copy, click here.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Trust, Fertility and Advent

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

Image copyright James Hrkach/Josh Hrkach

One of my favorite shows is “Mayday,” a documentary which recounts stories of plane crashes or near crashes. My favorite episodes are the ones where everyone (or most) survives. Survival often depends on the skill and precision of the pilots and flight engineers. I find it fascinating just what can bring a plane down and what can also save a plane.

It dawned on me recently when I was flying back from New Jersey that it takes tremendous trust to get on a plane: trust that the pilots are trained to fly the plane with precision, trust that the builders created a solid, well-performing plane, trust that the mechanics have serviced the plane properly. After all, which one of us wants to be 20,000 feet in the air when a mechanical problem happens or when a pilot encounters a situation he’s not trained to handle?

Of course, the same can be said for any situation. We trust our doctors, food companies, school bus drivers and many others. On a daily basis, we are called to trust those who are human and have the potential of making mistakes.

Consider how most couples “trust” with regard to their fertility. They take pills, get injections, apply chemical patches, insert devices, consent to operations. Instead of working with their fertility, they try to destroy it. Instead of embracing their fertility, they fight it. They “trust” that by using contraceptives, they will be able to “control” their fertility.

Newsflash: none of these chemicals, devices or operations are 100 percent effective in preventing pregnancy. No method, except for complete abstinence, is 100 percent effective in preventing pregnancy. And yet millions of couples put their “trust” in contraceptive methods on a daily basis. If the methods “fail,” and a child is conceived, many will resort to abortion.

So what does this have to do with Advent?

Well, a lot. When told that she would be the mother of our Savior, Mary replied, “Be it done to me according to your word.” That took tremendous trust in God’s plan for her. She didn’t say, “Hmmm, let me think about that for a few weeks and I’ll get back to you.” Without her trust, without her yes, we would not be preparing to celebrate Christmas.

Admittedly, the times I’ve appreciated Our Lady’s fiat the most have been when I was expecting a child during Advent and Christmas. I loved being pregnant and feeling the movement of my babies. It definitely helped me to be more empathetic to what Mary went through: nine months pregnant, on a donkey and making a long journey away from home. It was equally difficult for her to give birth in a stable, surrounded by the smells and sounds of animals. And yet Mary trusted that this was God’s plan for her and accepted it without question.

So what is God’s plan for us especially regarding our fertility? I can tell you what it is not: God’s plan is not for us to destroy the gift of our fertility with devices, behaviors, chemicals or operations. This “trust” that many couples place in contraceptives can sometimes result in an unwanted, permanent loss of fertility and can lead to numerous other consequences as well. Pope Paul VI, in his encyclical Humanae Vitae (On Human Life, 1968) talks about one of the most common consequences of contraceptive use: “A man who grows accustomed to the use of contraceptive methods may forget the reverence due to a woman, and, disregarding her physical and emotional equilibrium, reduce her to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of his own desires, no longer considering her as his partner whom he should surround with care and affection.”

God’s plan is for couples to embrace their fertility and to be generously open to life. Does that mean that God wants us to have as many children as possible? No, it doesn’t. God gave us the gift of reason and he also gave us a built-in natural method of avoiding pregnancy that works with fertility and not against it. God, the Author of life, wants to be part of our decisions regarding our fertility.

What about us? Who do we trust with our fertility? Is it God or is it a device, operation or contraceptive behavior?

Couples who want to trust God with their decisions will trust Him with all of their decisions, including the beautiful gift of fertility. When couples have serious need to avoid pregnancy, Natural Family Planning is a moral way to do so. NFP uses no devices and works with God instead of against Him. Wives who use NFP seldom feel used by their husbands. NFP also works well to achieve pregnancy. It’s healthy, effective and safe. NFP encourages good communication and strengthens marital relationships.

Advent is the ideal time to rethink who we trust our fertility with. Do we trust a chemical company? Do we trust a condom manufacturer? Or do we trust God, the Author of Life?

Learning Natural Family Planning nowadays is as simple as turning on your computer. My husband and I teach NFP online through the Couple to Couple League. For more information on NFP classes or NFP in general, please comment below or email me: info(at)fullquiverpublishing.com.

Teaching NFP Has Enriched Our Marriage

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

We have been teaching Natural Family Planning (or NFP) for nearly 28 years. We have volunteered a lot of our time preparing and teaching classes over the past 28 years, as well as lecturing to marriage preparation courses and youth groups. However, I’d like to share what we have gotten out of it.

Admittedly, when we first decided many years ago to become NFP teachers after only two years of marriage, we thought about what we would give, not what we would receive. We had no idea of the abundant fruit it would bear.

First, we have made so many wonderful friends through teaching NFP. Most of our close friends are couples we have taught over the years.

One particular couple was considering sterilization when they met us 20 years ago. Having four children born one right after the other, they were being pressured by friends and relatives into having a permanent procedure done. We taught them NFP and they used it for many years. Eight years ago, they welcomed another child into their family.

Second, we have been able to evangelize in a way that has allowed friends and relatives to take a second look at NFP. Our many contracepting friends and relatives have seen what NFP has done for our marriage. They see a couple with a loving, sacramental relationship, with God as the third partner. And while they may not ever use NFP, they cannot argue with the success of our marriage.

As well, we have convinced some of these friends and relatives that contraception is not only physically unhealthy, but also spiritually unhealthy. One day we were at a friend’s anniversary party and a woman asked how we knew the couple celebrating their anniversary. “We taught them NFP.”

“What’s NFP,” asked the woman. This started a 45-minute conversation on the benefits and morality of NFP. At the end of the conversation, the woman told us to sign her up for our next class.

Third, teaching NFP is a good example to our children because they are seeing us give our time freely to other couples. They see us doing something to try to “change the world.” When our oldest son was a teenager, he came with us to a pro-life conference. We were speaking on the “Joys of NFP.” Later, he asked us, “What can I do to change the world? What can I do to help make the world a better place?’

“What brought this on? Why do you ask?”

“Because you and Dad teach NFP, do chastity talks, go on pro-life marches, help out with marriage preparation. I mean, you do so much. I’d like to do something like that.”

I was shocked that he had even noticed.

The rewards we have received through friendships, evangelization and example to our children are priceless.

Teaching NFP is one of the most time-consuming things we have ever set out to do. And although there are frustrating times, it is definitely one of the most satisfying decisions we have ever made.

We now teach NFP online (photo above). If you’re interested in learning NFP or in teaching it, email us at info(at)fullquiverpublishing.com

Photo and text copyright Ellen Gable Hrkach

In the Arms of Jesus

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

This Sunday is Mother’s Day, a day to celebrate motherhood and remember our mothers, an opportunity for our children to show their appreciation.

I celebrated my birthday recently. My biggest wish was to celebrate with my five sons ages 13-24. A few of them are no longer living at home so I was thrilled that they were all able to be with me. Never far from my thoughts, however, were those seven precious babies I never got to hold, nurse or raise to adulthood.

It is heartbreaking to experience miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or stillbirth.

After my miscarriages, I found that NFP was a beautiful consolation. I wanted to get pregnant again, but emotionally and physically I wasn’t ready. And with each miscarriage, I needed to give myself time to grieve.

These are some pointers I’ve come up with from my own personal experience in dealing with pregnancy loss:

1) Allow yourself to experience the stages of grieving (depending on the source, the common ones are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance). Grief is a unique experience for each person, but grieving is usually made up of several stages.

No matter how far along in a pregnancy, the newly-formed life is exactly that: a human life and the representation of husband and wife in love. The news that a woman is expecting and carrying a baby is usually greeted with elation. But in those first few moments when spotting occurs, and a miscarriage becomes inevitable, the experience can become an emotional (and physical) roller coaster.

2) Trust in God. This was difficult for me. I continually questioned God, “Why did you allow my baby to be conceived when you knew he wouldn’t be born?” Eventually, I experienced a light bulb moment: my baby, even though he died before birth, is a great gift from God and now waits for me in heaven.

During one particularly heartbreaking miscarriage, I cried out to my spiritual director, sharing with him that I was torn between saying, “God, Your will be done,” and “Please, God, don’t make me go through this again.” His loving response was: “Perhaps God is asking you to sacrifice the joy of holding this child in your arms so that He may quickly hold your child for all eternity in heaven.”

For me, the image of my baby in the arms of Jesus was a great consolation.

3) Talk to your spouse and comfort each other. Communication is important, especially in the aftermath of a miscarriage. Couples who use NFP must communicate about birth regulation and how soon the couple will be ready to conceive again. Conversations about fertility, abstinence and planning another pregnancy helped me as I grieved.

It is normal for both husband and wife to grieve. In my experience, because I was the one who carried the child, not to mention that I’m more emotional, miscarriage affected me differently than it did my husband.

4) Talk to your friends, especially those who have gone through miscarriage and pregnancy loss. In many ways, grief is a very unique experience. Some people grieve very publicly; others are very private.

5) Accept Help, especially with things like meals or assistance with other children. Grief counseling can also be helpful.

6) Write your thoughts in a journal. Sometimes I wouldn’t be able to sleep and wanted to talk to someone (and didn’t want to wake my husband). Writing in a journal became especially helpful for me. My journal actually became my first published article in 1995, Five Little Souls in Heaven, and later became the basis for my first novel, Emily’s Hope.

7) Take your grief to God in prayer because God grieves with you. Some days, prayer was difficult and all I could do was manage was, “Please God, help me.”

Karen Edmisten’s new book, After Miscarriage, A Catholic Woman’s Companion to Healing and Hope is a terrific resource for those who have experienced baby loss. Besides sharing her own experience, the author also includes stories of mothers who have endured baby loss (my own story, “Eternal Gifts” is included).

For more resources on pregnancy loss, check out this link on my blog: Baby Loss Links as well as my interview about miscarriage on Pat Gohn’s Among Women Podcast from 2011.

This Mother’s Day, I will not only remember my late mother, I will also remember those mothers who have recently lost a baby through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or stillbirth and picture their babies, like mine, in the arms of Jesus.

The Spiritual Consequences of Sterilization

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

Last year, on one of the morning shows, a couple was asked to carry a camcorder around while they debated and discussed their decision to have a vasectomy. After the births of three boys — the youngest only a few months old — they made the decision to go ahead and have a permanent solution carried out because their plate was “full with three small boys.” The segment showed the husband at the doctor’s office having the procedure done. They were interviewed two months later and the wife said, they were “relieved,” “felt the freedom of not having to worry about more children.” The man said the operation was “quick and painless,” “very easy,” “great experience.” And, just to convince all the viewers that vasectomy is the best decision a couple can ever make, the doctor stated that there were “no long-term side effects from vasectomy.”

While I find that particular research suspect (i.e. there have been noted long-term side effects), these are not the worst side effects from vasectomy and tubal ligation. The most destructive are the spiritual repercussions. While contraception in itself separates a couple during marital relations, sterilization seeks to separate a couple permanently in their most intimate embrace and the spiritual consequences are far greater and more destructive than any of the physical side effects.

Case in point: we know of a couple who became sterilized after having a large number of children. They knew NFP, but they gave in to the pressure to become sterilized. A few years after the sterilization, however, one of their teenaged sons committed suicide. The year after their son died, they sent out letters to many in the Catholic community informing them that they had been involved in intensive spiritual counseling. Here’s what they wrote:

“During the night before his death, while our son was downstairs writing his notes to us and spending his last hours in utter hopelessness, there were at least three times when we were awake. It seems that it would have been a simple matter for God to prompt one of us to go downstairs and discover the horrible tragedy that was threatening our son. In fact, He probably was prompting us, but we were not living in God’s order, so we could not hear His prompts.”

About their sterilization, they said this: “We knew this was contrary to church teaching so we both went to confession almost immediately afterwards, but we really didn’t have true contrition because of our blindness. Little did we realize the tremendous suffering we would bring to our family, parish and community.”

At the time the letter was written, they were in the process of arranging for a reversal.

Now, I don’t necessarily agree with the cause and effect situation they present. However, I include it here because they believe that their decision to become sterilized was a contributing factor to their son’s suicide.

Other cases in point: three couples we taught NFP to many years ago decided to throw away the NFP charts and become sterilized. Two of the couples are now divorced, one couple is separated.

Children who know that their parents have been sterilized (despite the teaching of the Church that it is a mortal sin) grow up thinking that they don’t have to be obedient to the teachings of the Church.

Sterilization may seem like the easy way out, but in actuality, it permanently and physically separates a couple not only during their most intimate physical embrace, but in their spiritual embrace and separates them from God. It also serves as a poor example to the children. While there are many physical side effects, the spiritual repercussions are far more dangerous to a marriage.

For couples who need to avoid pregnancy, Natural Family Planning is a safe, effective and moral alternative to sexual sterilization and allows the married couple to remain as one. For more information on NFP: www.ccli.org or email me at info@fullquiverpublishing.com

Image purchased from iStock

Amazing Catechists Among Women

By Pat Gohn

Making a connection. Telling a story. Being a witness. That’s what amazing catechists do. As translators of the truth they seek to give away what they possess because it was so freely passed onto them. Doing that through a podcast is a very low-cost, effective way of evangelizing and catechizing in the digital age.

Over the last two years, several members of the Amazing Catechists’ team have been guests on my weekly podcast, Among Women. Created in Lent 2009, Among Women grew out of my years of ministry in local churches, and my special regard for women’s ministries.

The Among Women podcast and blog celebrates the beauty and grace of a Catholic woman’s faith and life. It’s faith sharing, teaching, and some good old-fashioned girl talk rolled into one. Each podcast has two segments: “Blessed are They” looks back on inspirational women who are either saints, mystics, blesseds, or women from the Bible. The “Among Women” segment focuses on conversations with contemporary women on themes that are important to women.

Get to know the women behind the bylines here at Amazing Catechists by listening to these Among Women podcasts, including the most recent episode, featuring Mary Lou Rosien discussing her new book, Catholic Family Boot Camp:

AW 125: “Spiritual Boot Camp” with Mary Lou Rosien

AW 122: “Star of the New Evangelization” with Robyn Lee

AW 121 : “Each Life is a Masterpiece” with Leticia Velazquez

AW 116: “The Advent of Advent” with Sarah Reinhard

AW 89: “The Sacred Heart” with Ellen Gable Hrkach

AW 81: “Choosing Faith Amid Suffering, Part 2” with Peggy Clores

AW 80: “Choosing Faith Amid Suffering, Part 1” with Peggy Clores

AW 78: “Be An Amazing Catechist” with Lisa Mladinich

AW 43: “Lisa’s Reversion Story” with Lisa Mladinich

AW 30: “Cause of Our Joy” with Leticia Velasquez

AW 11: “The Snoring Scholar and Great Books” with Sarah Reinhard

Among Women has over 125 episodes on a variety of topics. Its growth and success comes from social media contacts, and, of course, word of mouth. Why not share Among Women as a resource for the women in your life and parish?

A Catholic Alternative to “Trashy” Novels

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

I have always been an avid reader. Even now, I usually read two to three novels per week. Years ago, before my re-version, I devoured trashy romance novels like they were candy.

Like anyone, I love a good story, but I especially enjoy a compelling romance or suspense novel. As I grew in my faith, I no longer wanted to read fiction with explicit sex scenes. So I began seeking out Christian fiction. However, I yearned to read good, compelling fiction with Catholic themes.

Partly in response to this desire, I began writing my first novel, Emily’s Hope, in 2001. I’m a certified NFP teacher and I’ve debated the “contraception” issue with non-Catholics, liberal Catholics, ex-Catholics and non-practicing Catholics. So when I sat down to write my first novel, I knew that not only did I want to write a compelling story, I also wanted to include information on the Theology of the Body and NFP. I figured that if I was going to write a novel, I wanted to write one that had the potential of evangelizing.

Emily’s Hope is the story of “Emily” (loosely based on myself) and “Katharine,” my great-grandmother. In the seven years since it’s been published, I’ve received many letters from “fans.” One teenager approached me at a Catholic conference and said, “You know, Mrs. Hrkach, your book helped me to understand the Theology of the Body better than any textbook I’ve read.”

With my second novel, In Name Only, I wanted to write a Catholic historical romance that would be hard to put down, a romance that didn’t shy away from Catholic teachings on sex and marriage.

Amazingly, In Name Only won the Gold Medal for Religious Fiction in the 2010 IPPY Awards (the first Catholic novel to do so). It was in the top 100 of Religious Fiction and Christian Romance for six months and continues to sell extremely well on the Kindle. One reviewer on Amazon.com writes, “When I read In Name Only, I was floored. It was so good! I could not stop reading it! I read it in a weekend staying up until 2am on Sunday night/Monday morning to finish it even though I had work the next day… what really gripped me was how Ellen Gable took Theology of the Body (TOB) and turned it into a novel. TOB is near and dear to my heart. I loved how she incorporated the teachings of the Church and weaved them into such a complicated storyline…”

My third novel, Stealing Jenny, is a suspense thriller about the kidnapping of a pregnant woman. The husband and wife protagonists are open to life, NFP-using, devout (yet imperfect) Catholics. One of the main characters is not religious. Another character is a born again Christian. I purposefully created Stealing Jenny so that the teaching was more subtle. And, of course, I wanted to write a book that was hard to put down. Therese Heckenkamp of Traditional Catholic Novels, said “When I had to put this book down, I literally could not wait to pick it up again…Stealing Jenny is a smoothly written, chilling tale of gripping suspense. There are terrifying moments and heart-wrenching moments. Catholic faith and hope are tested. Above all, the sacredness and privilege of precious new life is made indisputably evident.”

A few weeks ago, Stealing Jenny hit #1 in Drama/Fiction/Religious on Amazon Kindle and has remained in the top ten for the past three weeks.

A warning: my novels, although not explicit, do deal with mature themes and are appropriate for teens and older.

All my books are available on Amazon.com in print or on Kindle.

Like many of the Amazing Catechists columnists, I’m giving away free books: one copy of each of my novels in print and Kindle editions, as well as both editions of my non-fiction book, Come My Beloved (that’s eight books in total). Enter to win by leaving a comment at ANY OF OUR COLUMNS, ANY TIME from NOW until December 15th!

Of course, my novels are not the only Catholic alternatives to secular “trashy” novels. Do you have a favorite contemporary Catholic novel? Please feel free to comment below.

Advent Humor

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

Image copyright Full Quiver Publishing/James and Ellen Hrkach
Email us: info(at)fullquiverpublishing for permission to use image.

NFP in Challenging Times

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

The postpartum (after having a baby) and pre-menopause (before menopause) times are two very challenging periods to use NFP. Even more challenging is when a couple decides to learn NFP during these times. It’s not impossible, but more difficult to use NFP and it often necessitates longer periods of abstinence if the couple is avoiding pregnancy.

Postpartum Period:
For the postpartum woman, it depends on the type of baby care whether her fertility will return immediately or up to a year or two afterwards.

The bottlefeeding mother will have an early return of fertility (which means that her periods and ovulation will start soon after birth). The part-time breastfeeding mom will generally have an earlier return of fertility. The totally breastfeeding mother will likely not experience fertility until her baby begins to wean or begins to take solids. All these factors must be taken into account when using NFP in the postpartum period. Regardless of how a mother feeds her baby, fertility observations are essential in determining when fertility returns.

It is typical for the postpartum woman to have longer cycles initially, but eventually her cycles will return to the normal pre-pregnancy length. Fertility observations are extremely important in this transition period and sometimes there are long periods of abstinence depending on how serious a need the couple have.

Pre-menopause:
Pre-menopause can be equally challenging. For the middle-aged couple who are avoiding pregnancy, periods of abstinence can be lengthy. Cycles can become irregular: they can be shorter or longer. As fertility drops, cycles can often be anovulatory (without ovulation), can include breakthrough bleeding and/or weak or lengthy luteal phases (the time from ovulation to menstruation).

Women approaching menopause may also have to deal with hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, mood swings, anxiety, depression, weight gain, sleep issues and problems with concentration and memory.

The Couple to Couple League has published two excellent books on both the Postpartum period and Pre-Menopause (CCL Store). They also offer supplemental classes for both postpartum and pre-menopause. (These classes are free for couples who have already taken the regular CCL NFP course). If interested in one of these courses, please contact the Couple to Couple League at their website: www.ccli.org.

A Catholic Guide to Infallible Loving

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

In his book, “Holy Sex: A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind Blowing Infallible Loving,” Dr. Greg Popcak expertly dispels the long-held societal myth that the Catholic Church teaches that sex is bad. He explains that the Church teaches that marital sex open to life can actually be holy, satisfying and “mind blowing.”

And, despite the fact that this book has “Catholic” in its title, it is not just for Catholics. Every married couple interested in having a great sex life would benefit from this wonderfully candid book.

Dividing his book into four parts, in Part I, he introduces the truths of what he calls “Infallible Loving.” Part II gives the tools to tap into what he calls “The Five Powers of Holy Sex,” and how readers can learn how to celebrate the sacred, redemptive, heavenly, uniting and creative nature of holy sex. Part III gives readers the necessary information to apply the principles of holy sex to their marriages. Part IV offers practical guidance to overcome sexual problems and challenges.

As an NFP teacher for many years, I already knew much of what was included in this book, but I still found it to be helpful. The author’s humor and candor are particularly entertaining. Anecdotal stories of real couples from the author’s experience as a marriage counselor make this a most interesting and compelling read.

There are a few explicit parts and, therefore, recommended for mature readers. However, I highly recommend this book to any couple who truly wants to experience sacred sexuality.