Manuel and Karee Santos have written an honest, sensible and faithful guidebook that I’m confident will become a go-to comfort for Catholic couples seeking help in their marriage. An ideal gift of learning and support for the newly-engaged or married; a beautiful witness of how to help one another attain holiness within God’s gift of the marriage covenant. [Release Date: April 8, 2016]
Miserere Mei Deus: 4 Video Resources for the Year of Mercy
Ever since Pope Francis announced that a Jubilee Year of Mercy would begin in December 2015, voices in the Church have been following the Pope’s call to spread the message of mercy to all people. There are excellent video resources available to inspire and educate us, and many of them are free. Here’s a sampling.
1. Ascension Presents An Extraordinary Jubilee of Mercy
This series of four short videos (less than ten minutes each) is available here. Each video features a different popular Catholic speaker. My favorite is this one with Fr. Mike Schmitz, explaining what a jubilee year is and why it’s so important.
2. Catholic Conference 4 Moms Faces of Mercy
This online conference features more than 20 prerecorded presentations on the topic of mercy. Each presentation is about 20 minutes long. The conference will begin February 20, but individuals and parishes can register now. This trailer explains more about the conference.
My husband Manuel P. Santos M.D. and I will talk about Mercy in Marriage. Here’s a sneak peek at our presentation, where we talk about grudges.
3. The Wild Goose by Fr. Dave Pivonka
The mercy of God flows through the work of the Holy Spirit, and so we’re fortunate to have a new series of fourteen videos on the Holy Spirit, whom the Celts analogized to a wild goose because of the Spirit’s vast potential to surprise us. The videos last between twenty and thirty minutes and are available online for free. Only seven out of the fourteen have been completed so far. The first video was filmed against the stunning backdrop of Niagara Falls where we can “literally hear the love of God being poured forth into our hearts through the power of the Holy Spirit.”
4. Allegri’s Miserere Mei Deus
Music inspires me more than anything else, so these recommendations would be incomplete without a music video. I leave you with this astonishingly beautiful performance of Gregorio Allegri’s Miserere Mei Deus (transl.: “Have mercy on me, O God”) by King’s College Choir of Cambridge, England. You can hear the angels start to sing shortly after the one and a half minute mark. Enjoy!
Interested in our upcoming Catholic marriage advice book? Sign up here for The Four Keys to Everlasting Love newsletter and get your downloadable thank-you gift.
Living God’s Will 2016 Mega Giveaway: Jan. 12-18 Only!
My husband and I have teamed up with Catholic personalities like parenting expert Dr. Ray Guarendi and chastity speaker Jason Evert in a mega giveaway for this week only. I just ordered my free copies of Dr. Ray’s book When Faith Causes Family Friction and Jason Evert’s St. John Paul the Great: His Five Loves. I would have paid good money for these books! What catechist can resist the appeal of high-quality free Catholic materials?
The giveaway’s organizer, Christina Weber of Catholic Women’s Guide, has collected invaluable resources in the areas of spirituality, life vision, health, wealth and abundance, business and relationships. Each expert was hand selected by Christina. According to her, “the common denominator of all those invited is that there is something special in how they are attempting to live their lives in alignment with God’s will. Their lives reflect a sincere attempt to build Christ’s kingdom in both ordinary and extraordinary ways and I hope that their witness will be an inspiration and encouragement to you.”
Christina asked us to share “the good stuff” in this giveaway – “meaty” training content, strategies, tips, templates and tools that you can put into place immediately to begin seeing results. She asked us to condense and share our secrets to creating God’s richness in our lives as a result of understanding, obeying, and living God’s will in our areas of emphasis. And we couldn’t be more excited to share…
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Get access to your free gifts here:
Trying to make all the puzzle pieces fit together in your life can be quite overwhelming. We can totally relate to the longing to please God, but not always being 100% confident we are on track in every area. Frustrated with seeming to excel in doing God’s will in one area, but recognizing you’re falling down in another…Worried you might not be covering all of the bases in the unique life mission God has for you…Tired of spending more time in discouragement, confusion, and being TOO busy (Satan’s acronym for B-ound, U-under, S-atan’s, Y-oke), than in living in the present moment with those you love and all God has created, basking in gratitude over the God’s great abundance in your life.
We are all in the same boat — but with help and support of mentors willing to share their genius there’s no need to recreate the wheel on how to flourish. The more good people out there who are empowered to share their unique gifts and talents with the world, in service to others to build Christ’s kingdom…the better off the entire world will be! So accept these great resources. They’re helpful and free!
Here’s a sneak peek of just a few of the gifts being offered in the Living God’s Will 2016 Resources Extravaganza:
- LIFE VISION – Learn a Powerful, Right & Left Brain Tool for Tapping into God’s Word for Better Clarity in Achieving Your Unique Mission for 2016
- SPIRITUALITY – Gain Insights to Help You Know and Respond to Your Specific Heavenly Call
- HEALTH – Learn Better Ways to Get Out Of Your Own Way and Let the Powerful Body God Gave You Activate Its Own Healing Process
- WEALTH / ABUNDANCE – Integrate These Simple Tips to Keep the Domestic Demands of Daily Life from Crushing Your Spirit
- BUSINESS – Cut through Satan’s Confusion with This Simple One Page Strategic Plan Template Designed to Help You Serve More Clients, Have a Greater Impact, and Live Out God’s Will in Your Business
- RELATIONSHIPS – Incorporate These Inspirations on How to Tap into God’s Everlasting Love to Make Your Marriage Better Today
The giveaway starts Tuesday, January 12, and it will last until Monday, January 18. To claim your gifts, just visit www.livinggodswill.com. Get the help and support you need for yourself and others to effectively live Christ-centered lives!
This Lent, Join Thousands to Learn About Mercy in Marriage
My husband Manny and I are excited to join several stellar speakers for a February 2016 online event called Faces of Mercy, produced by CatholicConference4Moms. Over 4,000 Catholic women registered for last year’s event. Manny and I will be speaking on Mercy in Marriage and the power of forgiveness to make your marriage strong, long-lasting, and joyful. Other presentations cover a wide range of topics such as teaching children how to forgive, overcoming evil through showing mercy, lessons on Divine Mercy from St. Faustina, and the role of mercy in combating pornography addiction.
This year’s amazing line-up of presenters includes:
- Jennifer Fulwiler, Sirius XM radio show host & author of the best-selling conversion memoir Something Other Than God;
- Simcha Fisher, speaker at the World Meeting of Families and author of The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning;
- Kimberly Hahn, Bible-study author and wife of theology professor Scott Hahn;
- Mike Aquilina, author or editor of more than 40 books and host of several television series on EWTN; and
- wonderful friends and colleagues like Elizabeth Reardon, Pat Gohn, Allison Gingras, and Lisa Duffy.
Conference organizer Tami Kiser has brought to life an extraordinary way of entering into the meaning of Christ’s mercy during this Year of Mercy, starting on December 8, 2015, that Pope Francis has declared for the Church. Pre-recorded talks from the Faces of Mercy conference will be available to registrants on demand. Parishes can schedule a viewing at their convenience, and individuals can download and listen whenever they want throughout all of Lent. Plus, on February 20, 2016, Jennifer Fulwiler will be speaking live at 10:30 a.m. EST, and moms can gather virtually at 3 p.m. for live stream praying of the Divine Mercy chaplet.
A special option available this year is for parishes to host the talks as a Lenten retreat. This is a great way to rejuvenate faith and trust in God during the cold winter months before we celebrate Christ’s resurrection! The CatholicConference4Moms website has all the information for parish participation here.
Please consider registering either as an individual or on behalf of your parish, if you’re a catechist or religious education director. May Christ shower his mercy and blessings upon you!
To learn more about Karee and her marriage ministry, click here, and to get the free eBook, Marriage Rx: 50 Inspirational Quotes to Make Your Marriage Better Today, click here.
Copyright 2015 Karee Santos.
Marriage Rx: The Free eBook!
We’re so pleased to share a free eBook with subscribers to our newsletter. In our newsletter, you’ll find encouraging articles, helpful tips, and updates on our book The Four Keys to Everlasting Love: How Your Catholic Marriage Will Bring You Joy for a Lifetime (available for pre-order here!).
Catechists, please take note! Our book does have the imprimatur, or permission to print, from the bishop of the Diocese of Rockville Centre, New York. So it is a trustworthy resource for marriage preparation, marriage renewal, and adult faith formation ministries.
Our free Marriage Rx eBook is meant to touch your heart and show you how God’s everlasting love can improve your married life today and every day. We’ve included quotes from diverse sources like Shakespeare and the Bible, plus excerpts from many Can We Cana? posts, especially the popular series How to Stay Married 10 Years & Then Some. You can click through to the full posts, if you wish — we’ve provided the links right inside the eBook.
Inside you’ll find useful and uplifting guidance on:
- The ABCs of Communication
- Work & Money
- Friends, Family & Forgiveness
- God & Prayer
- Saints, Suffering & Sacrifice
Ready to be inspired?
For your free eBook, click here!
May God bless you and your marriages!
Yours in Christ,
Dr. Manuel and Karee Santos
The Four Keys to Everlasting Love: COVER REVEAL!
The thrill-ride of book publishing continues as we hit our next milestone: the cover of our new book, The Four Keys to Everlasting Love: How Your Catholic Marriage Can Bring You Joy for a Lifetime!!! This Catholic marriage help book is already available for pre-order at Amazon.com (what a dream come true).
Our editor called publisher Ave Maria Press’ art department their “secret weapon” because of how great they are at developing attractive cover art, so we were overjoyed to work with them. Like everything else in publishing, coming up with a great cover is a long process. First, they asked us for ideas. We were super-excited about the key motif, so dear hubby Manny sketched this.
DRAFT A
Our publisher ran the idea past some focus groups and decided that the cover also needed to showcase the idea of marriage as a shared journey. So they combined both ideas in this stunning version.
DRAFT B
But, because I’m a lawyer, I have to tinker with everything. My sister-in-law Nancy described quite well the difference between working for most people — who say “great!!!” — and lawyers, who say “great! Now change this, fix that, improve the other thing….” I asked the art department to make the grass a little greener, because doesn’t everyone want that? And I asked them to make our foreword writer Christopher West‘s name a little bigger, because we are Very, Very Excited that he is supporting our Catholic marriage advice book. (His Facebook page just exceeded 50,000 likes, which is pretty major. Plus, he’s awesome.) So, the art department, gave us this, our final cover!!!
FINAL COVER (HURRAY!!!!)
Don’t you just love it? Please, please, tell all your friends and help spread the word.
In other news, our awesome book editor Heidi Hess Saxton left to become the Editorial Director at Servant Books/Franciscan Media. Our book project is now being shepherded by Ave Maria Press’ current Editorial Director Bob Hamma. We are honored to have worked with two people of such high caliber. And after Heidi left Ave Maria Press, CatholicMom founder Lisa Hendey joined them as editor-at-large. What a small world!
Top 8 Online Resources for Divorced Catholics
In light of the upcoming World Meeting of Families and the Synod on the Family in Rome, the Catholic Church’s teaching on divorce is taking center stage. Pope Francis has urged greater compassion and outreach towards those who have undergone divorce. Here are eight terrific online resources to help.
1. The USCCB web site
The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops devotes several pages of its site to the topics of divorce and annulment. The Divorce FAQs and Annulment FAQs list several additional print and DVD resources, and also link to current blogposts on the subjects.
2. The Catholic’s Divorce Survival Guide
One of the resources highlighted on the USCCB site is The Catholic’s Divorce Survival Guide, a 12 DVD series with guide either for personal use or as a parish program. The series features Catholic authors Rose Sweet, Dr. Ray Guarendi, Christopher West, and Fr. Mitch Pacwa. The accompanying website offers helpful answers to common questions about anger, hurt, and healing. It also includes advice on helping kids through divorce, learning how to forgive, and even the best movies for cinema therapy.
3. Lisa Duffy on Catholic Match Institute
Lisa Duffy has nearly 600 posts on Catholic Match Institute, the blog of the CatholicMatch.com online dating service. Many of those posts focus on bringing healing to those who are separated or divorced. Lisa has been working in Catholic divorce ministry for decades. Her Journey of Hope program is now being used in more than 50 parishes in the United States and several parishes in Canada as well. She is a co-author of the 2007 book Divorced. Catholic. Now What? and the author of the 2015 book The Catholic Guide to Dating after Divorce. Her personal website includes podcasts and free downloads, and a special page for readers to send in their prayer requests.
4. Divorcedcatholic.com
Vince Frese, who co-authored Divorced. Catholic. Now What? with Lisa Duffy, has a helpful website called divorcedcatholic.com. Through the website, people can order home study kits, sign up for online programs and subscribe to daily inspirational emails.
5. Catholic Divorce Ministry
The Catholic Divorce Ministry has been active since 1974. The organization “works with family-life ministries in various dioceses to help parishes reach people in the pews with workshops, programs and retreats,” according to an article in the National Catholic Register. The site has resources for catechists and leaders of peer ministries for the divorced and separated. One of its most useful features is a listing of dates and times for many different upcoming events available throughout the country.
6. DivorcedCatholicMoms.com
This site is a blog started by two women, Carina and Manya. Their blogposts cover important issues like sharing the holidays, taking children’s wishes into account when splitting up household items, and seeking spiritual support through mental prayer, novenas, and the intercession of the saints.
7. Mary’s Advocates
The website of Mary’s Advocates contains a detailed critique of the current annulment system, based on an exhaustive analysis of the Catechism of the Catholic Church and canon law. The organization’s founder, Bai Macfarlane, will be speaking at a Human Life International symposium in Rome, and her written presentation will be distributed to the bishop delegates at the October Synod on the Family. The organization’s book, The Gift of Self, is meant to provide spiritual support for separated or divorced spouses who intend to stay faithful to their marriages.
8. Single Mom Smiling
Strahlen Smith, a single mom of five boys, blogs about renewing her life and her faith after her divorce and annulment. Her personal take on the lessons God has taught her through this painful process is deeply inspiring, especially for anyone in similar circumstances.
If you are aware of any additional resources, please let us know in the comments below!
Copyr. 2015 Karee Santos
Image courtesy of Pixabay
Choosing Wholeness, Abundant Life, and Enduring Happiness
Just in time for this month’s World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia, Image Books has released a book-length interview of Bishop Jean Laffitte, the current secretary of the Pontifical Council for the Family. It’s the Council’s task to organize the World Meeting of Families every three years. This year is the first time it will be held in the United States.
The book highlights the richness of family life well-lived, as hinted at by its title, The Choice of the Family: A Call to Wholeness, Abundant Life, and Enduring Happiness. In its format, it resembles previous best-selling full-length interviews of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, including Light of the World and others.
Bishop Laffitte touches on all the hot-button issues of cohabitation, sexuality, adultery, divorce and remarriage, and the right of the Church to make its voice heard in the public square. But he also offers advice, rich with years of experience, about fostering a love of God in individuals, engaged couples, families, and young children. The key to opening people’s hearts is that “the priest must have an interest in their happiness,” says Bishop Laffitte.
Marriage preparation has an essential role to play in forming strong families, and the bishop provides helpful insights to priests and anyone else involved in this ministry. Fully aware of the challenges, he is not a man with his head stuck in the clouds. “Many people demand the sacrament of marriage from the Church while totally misunderstanding what the sacrament signifies. …We need to be aware,” he cautions. We must reawaken the desire and the hope for permanence and indissolubility that “is demanded by the nature of love,” he adds. When we give love as a gift, we give it totally and forever. Anything less is merely a loan, unworthy of the name of love.
In marriage preparation, instructors can discover what the couple’s expectations are of marriage and perhaps help them to see their future more realistically. It will not be all good or all bad. When the bad times come, spouses need to forgive each other, reconcile with each other, and realize that the suffering will pass — what Bishop Laffitte calls “an ordinary practice of reconciliation.”
Despite the importance of this type of common sense advice, marriage preparation operates on more than a psychological or social level — it must be a spiritual event, according to the bishop. If a marriage minister does not “introduce the engaged couple into an experience of prayer, I do not know where they are headed! I find it insane that people are prepared over the course of months for the sacrament of marriage and … nobody invites them to pray,” he says.
Marriage itself is also a spiritual event. It is a privileged path to encounter divine love through the transforming power of human love. And God does not offer anyone a love that is second-best. Marriage ministers can communicate that beautiful truth to the couples they counsel while preparing them for the sacrament of Matrimony. As Bishop Laffitte states movingly, “The fiancés must feel loved and be led to Christ. There is then an opening of the heart that takes place, and then there can be space for the grace of Christ. We have to believe it.”
Copyr. 2015 Karee Santos
Top Tips for a Joy-Filled Marriage
My husband Manuel P. Santos M.D. and I had an awesome time last weekend giving a presentation to around 40 couples in the Archdiocese of Newark on how to live God’s Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage. This great pre-Cana program covers the topics of sacramentality and sexuality, and it’s chock full of quotes from Pope St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and his book Love and Responsibility. I gave the talk on the Wedding at Cana (one of my favorite Bible stories), and Manny gave the talk on the Church’s definition of marriage, annulments and impediments to marriage.
As is true in any large group, there was a wide range of knowledge and interest. Not everyone had heard the story of the Wedding at Cana, and some people were more familiar with the fictitious marriage of Jesus and Mary Magdalen than the mystical marriage between Jesus and the Church. It was truly a privilege to be the first ones to introduce some of these people to the beautiful theology of Catholic marriage.
The Joy-Filled Marriage program is given several times a year, and attendees are always given the opportunity to place anonymous questions in a question box. Here are some of the most common issues and our top tips for dealing with them.
1. The “Inter-Faith” Question
My fiance and are are of different faiths. What problems might we encounter, and how do we have a successful inter-faith marriage?
- The biggest problems that many inter-faith couples face are celebrating holidays and passing their faith on to their children.
- Religious holidays can be celebrated at home as well as in church (or at temple). Customize your at-home celebrations to reflect aspects of both faith traditions.
- When couples get married in the Church, the Catholic spouse needs to promise to raise the children in the Catholic faith. Discuss before the wedding how that promise affects church attendance, school attendance, and participation in religious milestones like First Communion or Confirmation. Don’t sweep the issue under the rug.
2. The “Communication” Question
What are the best ways to improve our communication?
- Don’t roll your eyes or slam doors.
- If you can’t talk about it calmly, write it down instead.
- Never let the sun go down on your anger. Give your spouse a hug or kiss of forgiveness before bedtime, and tomorrow begin again!
3. The “First Year” Question
What was the toughest part of the first year of marriage?
- Sometimes couples with the best relationships encounter severe crises in the first year (we faced fears of infertility, death of a close family member, and the diagnosis of Manny’s first brain tumor). Don’t let it get you down.
- Friends might complain that you spend less time with them than before. Make it clear that your top priority is your spouse.
- You might be tempted to spend less time at work. Give in!
4. The “Sexual Frustration” Question
If we choose to save sex for marriage, how do we deal with the unmet physical desire?
- Amp up the romance. Channel the frustration into loving, non-physical demonstrations of affection.
- Stay far away from temptation — don’t play with fire!
- If you give in, go to confession. If you give in again, go to confession again.
5. The “In-Law” Question
My fiance has family that get into our personal business and I feel like they influence him/her more than I do sometimes. Am I wrong to be upset? What can be done?
- Let your fiance know how much this bothers you. Agree to set firm but loving boundaries between you and both of your families.
- You and your fiance can listen respectfully and thank family members for their advice, while making it clear that the final decision is between the two of you as a couple.
- Realize that what your in-laws really want in most cases is for you and your fiance to be happy.
Does your diocese use God’s Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage? If you work in marriage ministry or adult faith formation, what are the most common questions you hear? Please let me know in the comments.
13 Resources on Sacramental Marriage for Everyone from Newbies to Catechists
Catholic schoolchildren learn that marriage is one of the seven sacraments, but no one seems to understand what that really means. Yes, marriage — as a sacrament — is an outer sign of an inner grace, but that doesn’t explain much to most people. The catchphrase “free, faithful, fruitful, and forever” says more about what spouses do for a marriage than what marriage does for the spouses.
I like how my spiritual director says it best — it’s all about the graces! With a sacramental marriage come beautiful graces of state that empower us to live the life to which God called us and live it to the fullest. That’s what the Sacrament of Matrimony offers husbands and wives married in the Church, “sealed by a blessing, announced by angels, and ratified by the Father” (CCC 1642).
For anyone interested in exploring what the sacrament of marriage means and the difference it can make to husbands and wives, there are plenty of video and print resources for everyone from theology newbies to experienced catechists.
For Theology Newbies
1. Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, 2009 pastoral letter from the U.S.Council of Catholic Bishops, downloadable pdf available free at the bishops’ web site (also in Spanish)
2. Saying I Do: What Happens at a Catholic Wedding, streaming video resource from the U.S. Council of Catholic Bishops, available free at the bishops’ web site
3. When Two Become One, a DVD starring yours truly and 3 other couples, plus explanation by a priest. Available for purchase here. Watch a clip on my blog’s About Me page here.
4. Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak, Just Married: The Catholic Guide to Surviving and Thriving in the First Five Years of Marriage (Ave Maria Press, 2013). By a popular Catholic psychologist and his wife.
5. Couples in Love: Straight Talk on Dating, Respect, Commitment, Marriage, and Sexuality, by Fr. John R. Waiss (Crossroad Pub. 2003). By my former spiritual director. Structured as a conversation between a dating couple and a priest.
For Theology Buffs
6. Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, Three to Get Married (Scepter Pubs., 1996). Originally published in 1951. A spiritual classic.
7. Scott Hahn, First Comes Love: The Family in the Church and the Trinity (Random House, 2002). Who doesn’t like Scott Hahn?
8. Christopher West, Good News about Sex & Marriage: Revised Edition (Servant Books, 2004; updated 2007). Detailed, specific, and clear.
9. William May, Marriage: The Rock on Which the Family is Built, 2d ed. (Ignatius Press, 2009). Includes Pope John Paul II’s Letter to Families.
10. Cormac Burke, Covenanted Happiness: Love and Commitment in Marriage (Scepter Pubs., 1999). With forward by Dr. Janet E. Smith.
For Catechists
11. Ramón García De Haro, Marriage and the Family in the Documents of the Magisterium: A Course in the Theology of Marriage, (Ignatius Press, 1993). Translated by William May. Academic and pretty heavy going. Helps if you already have familiarity with the main documents.
12. Tim Muldoon & Cynthia S. Dobrzynski, eds., Love One Another: Catholic Reflections on Sustaining Marriages Today (The Church in the 21st Century), (Crossroad Pub., 2010). A collection of essays including advice on how to rescue marriage prep from its current disastrous state.
13. Mary Amore, Helping Your Marriage Survive the Call to Ministry, Ministry & Liturgy Magazine, vol 32, no.1, (Feb. 2005). Great for any married person involved in ministry or catechesis. Call 408-286-8505 for back issues or reprints.