NFP/Chastity Archives - Page 3 of 5

Teaching NFP Has Enriched Our Marriage

We have been teaching Natural Family Planning (or NFP) for nearly 28 years. We have volunteered a lot of our time preparing and teaching classes over the past 28 years, as well as lecturing to marriage preparation courses and youth groups. However, I’d like to share what we have gotten out of it.

Admittedly, when we first decided many years ago to become NFP teachers after only two years of marriage, we thought about what we would give, not what we would receive. We had no idea of the abundant fruit it would bear.

First, we have made so many wonderful friends through teaching NFP. Most of our close friends are couples we have taught over the years.

One particular couple was considering sterilization when they met us 20 years ago. Having four children born one right after the other, they were being pressured by friends and relatives into having a permanent procedure done. We taught them NFP and they used it for many years. Eight years ago, they welcomed another child into their family.

Second, we have been able to evangelize in a way that has allowed friends and relatives to take a second look at NFP. Our many contracepting friends and relatives have seen what NFP has done for our marriage. They see a couple with a loving, sacramental relationship, with God as the third partner. And while they may not ever use NFP, they cannot argue with the success of our marriage.

As well, we have convinced some of these friends and relatives that contraception is not only physically unhealthy, but also spiritually unhealthy. One day we were at a friend’s anniversary party and a woman asked how we knew the couple celebrating their anniversary. “We taught them NFP.”

“What’s NFP,” asked the woman. This started a 45-minute conversation on the benefits and morality of NFP. At the end of the conversation, the woman told us to sign her up for our next class.

Third, teaching NFP is a good example to our children because they are seeing us give our time freely to other couples. They see us doing something to try to “change the world.” When our oldest son was a teenager, he came with us to a pro-life conference. We were speaking on the “Joys of NFP.” Later, he asked us, “What can I do to change the world? What can I do to help make the world a better place?’

“What brought this on? Why do you ask?”

“Because you and Dad teach NFP, do chastity talks, go on pro-life marches, help out with marriage preparation. I mean, you do so much. I’d like to do something like that.”

I was shocked that he had even noticed.

The rewards we have received through friendships, evangelization and example to our children are priceless.

Teaching NFP is one of the most time-consuming things we have ever set out to do. And although there are frustrating times, it is definitely one of the most satisfying decisions we have ever made.

We now teach NFP online (photo above). If you’re interested in learning NFP or in teaching it, email us at info(at)fullquiverpublishing.com

Photo and text copyright Ellen Gable Hrkach

In the Arms of Jesus

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

This Sunday is Mother’s Day, a day to celebrate motherhood and remember our mothers, an opportunity for our children to show their appreciation.

I celebrated my birthday recently. My biggest wish was to celebrate with my five sons ages 13-24. A few of them are no longer living at home so I was thrilled that they were all able to be with me. Never far from my thoughts, however, were those seven precious babies I never got to hold, nurse or raise to adulthood.

It is heartbreaking to experience miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or stillbirth.

After my miscarriages, I found that NFP was a beautiful consolation. I wanted to get pregnant again, but emotionally and physically I wasn’t ready. And with each miscarriage, I needed to give myself time to grieve.

These are some pointers I’ve come up with from my own personal experience in dealing with pregnancy loss:

1) Allow yourself to experience the stages of grieving (depending on the source, the common ones are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance). Grief is a unique experience for each person, but grieving is usually made up of several stages.

No matter how far along in a pregnancy, the newly-formed life is exactly that: a human life and the representation of husband and wife in love. The news that a woman is expecting and carrying a baby is usually greeted with elation. But in those first few moments when spotting occurs, and a miscarriage becomes inevitable, the experience can become an emotional (and physical) roller coaster.

2) Trust in God. This was difficult for me. I continually questioned God, “Why did you allow my baby to be conceived when you knew he wouldn’t be born?” Eventually, I experienced a light bulb moment: my baby, even though he died before birth, is a great gift from God and now waits for me in heaven.

During one particularly heartbreaking miscarriage, I cried out to my spiritual director, sharing with him that I was torn between saying, “God, Your will be done,” and “Please, God, don’t make me go through this again.” His loving response was: “Perhaps God is asking you to sacrifice the joy of holding this child in your arms so that He may quickly hold your child for all eternity in heaven.”

For me, the image of my baby in the arms of Jesus was a great consolation.

3) Talk to your spouse and comfort each other. Communication is important, especially in the aftermath of a miscarriage. Couples who use NFP must communicate about birth regulation and how soon the couple will be ready to conceive again. Conversations about fertility, abstinence and planning another pregnancy helped me as I grieved.

It is normal for both husband and wife to grieve. In my experience, because I was the one who carried the child, not to mention that I’m more emotional, miscarriage affected me differently than it did my husband.

4) Talk to your friends, especially those who have gone through miscarriage and pregnancy loss. In many ways, grief is a very unique experience. Some people grieve very publicly; others are very private.

5) Accept Help, especially with things like meals or assistance with other children. Grief counseling can also be helpful.

6) Write your thoughts in a journal. Sometimes I wouldn’t be able to sleep and wanted to talk to someone (and didn’t want to wake my husband). Writing in a journal became especially helpful for me. My journal actually became my first published article in 1995, Five Little Souls in Heaven, and later became the basis for my first novel, Emily’s Hope.

7) Take your grief to God in prayer because God grieves with you. Some days, prayer was difficult and all I could do was manage was, “Please God, help me.”

Karen Edmisten’s new book, After Miscarriage, A Catholic Woman’s Companion to Healing and Hope is a terrific resource for those who have experienced baby loss. Besides sharing her own experience, the author also includes stories of mothers who have endured baby loss (my own story, “Eternal Gifts” is included).

For more resources on pregnancy loss, check out this link on my blog: Baby Loss Links as well as my interview about miscarriage on Pat Gohn’s Among Women Podcast from 2011.

This Mother’s Day, I will not only remember my late mother, I will also remember those mothers who have recently lost a baby through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or stillbirth and picture their babies, like mine, in the arms of Jesus.

Book Review: Judie Brown’s The Broken Path

By Christopher Smith, OP

Judie Brown, President of the American Life League (ALL), recently published a bold book entitled, The Broken Path: How Catholic Bishops Got Lost in the Weeds of American Politics (2011). In the interest of full disclosure, I was contacted by the ALL and asked if I would be willing to read and review the book. My only compensation was a free copy of the book.

Ms. Brown has been a staunch pro-life advocate for over 30 years and has been appointed to The Pontifical Academy for Life three times, by both Blessed John Paul II and Pope Benedict XVI. Her credentials in the advancement of pro-life causes are without question and she is rightly regarded as one of the pioneers in the quest to end the murder of unborn children.

I originally picked up Ms. Brown’s book in the second week of January to read it; however, different pressures at work and school prevented me from actually doing it. Instead, I read it over the past two months as the drama between the Obama administration and the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) was reaching a fever pitch. As part of President Obama’s national health care plan, The United States Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) issued a mandate on January 20^th requiring Catholic organizations to provide sterilization, contraception, and abortifacient drugs in their health care plans. Essentially, the religious freedom clause allowing religious organizations to refuse providing these services was removed. Now, anyone even remotely familiar with the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church knows these services and drugs are directly opposed by the Church’s teachings. To require Church organizations to provide, and pay for, these services is an absolute slap in the face.

So it was while these events were unfolding that I read Ms. Brown’s book. In a way, it was really strange reading the book while following the news between HHS and the Catholic Bishops. Since Ms. Brown makes a considerable effort to demonstrate which bishops are more vocal in supporting authentic, Catholic teachings on sexual ethics and which ones are silent (or outright contradicting it), I found myself looking to see who would stand up to the challenge the Obama administration had thrown down and which ones would cower. To my great relief, and hopefully Ms. Brown’s as well, every bishop actively shepherding a diocese has spoken out against the mandate.

The primary point, at least in my mind, Ms. Brown is attempting to communicate in her book is any change in the status quo regarding America’s sexual ethics, which most people would likely agree is a mess, can only come by adhering to a natural law based, common sense approach – the approach the Catholic Church takes. I don’t think there are too many people, regardless of religious affiliation, who believe a country with a 50% divorce rate, 1 million+ abortions per year, and millions of teens getting pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted disease is headed in the right direction when it comes to the its sexual ethics. But what can be done? More “comprehensive sex education?” More condoms? Should we start teaching kids about sex at an even younger age? That has been the course America has taken for the past 40 years with only miserable results to show for it. We need to move in a different direction and we need to start now!

While a person can easily find thick, scholarly tomes on Catholic sexual ethics, I believe the basic gist can be widdled down to a few, basic, common sense statements: 1) wait until marriage to have sex; 2) don’t get married until you are ready to also be a parent; 3) reproduction can only naturally occur between a male and a female; 3) don’t fill your body with potentially dangerous chemicals in an attempt to avoid pregnancy. That’s it! Pretty simple and straightforward.

These uncomplicated statements are representative of the Catholic teachings on chastity, parenthood, the nature of marriage (i.e. “traditional marriage”), and artificial contraception. In fact, these statements are so simplistic that it seems almost nonsensical to even have to spell them out for anyone. Yet, these four statements are anathema in our current culture that is so intent on having as much sex as possible, without any restrictions and without any boundaries. And in this sex-saturated culture if an “accident” should happen (i.e. pregnancy), well, there’s a ready answer for that too. Our society is indeed in a sad state.

Now since the aforementioned statements can be found within the larger framework of Catholic sexual ethics, we can ask, “Who is primarily responsible for teaching them to Catholics and presenting them as an alternative to our country’s current ‘anything goes’ culture?”

The answer is, “Catholic Bishops.”

How are they doing at it? Well, according to Ms. Brown, some are doing a pretty good job while some others appear to be lagging behind in their responsibilities.

In addition to their role as teachers, bishops are also responsible for ensuring Catholics who publicly, and with full intent, distort the Catholic Church’s teachings are held accountable (e.g. Catholic politicians publicly endorsing abortion). Bishops have a responsibility to ensure the Church’s teachings are not twisted for personal gain and if they are, to reprimand the guilty party and set the record straight with sound doctrine. When this is not done, as Ms. Brown clearly demonstrates with numerous examples in her book, subversiveness spreads. Doubt and confusion cloud the minds of Catholics until they are unsure of what is true or permissible? The drama concludes with poorly catechized Catholics falling away from the Church due to a lack of clear guidance from their bishops. This tragedy, of people leaving Church, is initiated in many instances by a public officials’ sin of scandal. Ms. Brown rightly calls for bishops to be held accountable for allowing such public, heretical displays to go unchallenged.

So where is the pastoral guidance from the bishops? When will they exercise their teaching authority? And, perhaps even more importantly for Ms. Brown, when will the bishops take corrective action to discipline wayward public officials (e.g. excommunication)? There is no question these are important and timely questions as doubts continue to spread throughout the Church and little seems to be done about it.

As I contemplated these questions while reading the book, I came up with another question: if the discharge of ecclesial authority can be executed swiftly against those who are perceived to break the rules or not uphold the standard, then why hasn’t the Vatican held wayward bishops to account for failing to be faithful teachers and pastors? We can easily point to our local bishops and accuse them of everything from apathy to outright heresy, but why aren’t they held accountable? Is it because they are not as wayward as we think they are or is the system that is supposed to hold them accountable broken as well? Maybe bishops keep letting public officials slide by (i.e. a failure of leadership their part) because Rome never held them to account for their failure of leadership. It’s just a thought.

In a recent conversation with my brother, a permanent deacon in the Archdiocese of Dubuque, we were discussing the various roles of the bishop and he reminded me that in addition to pastor, teacher, and arbiter of justice, the bishop is also a shepherd, a role signified by the crosier (i.e. shepherd’s staff) he carries with him. What is the symbolic purpose of that staff? Is it to poke and prod the sheep in order to get them to follow or is it to be used as a deterrent/protection against those who seek to kill members of the flock? I think we can get a sense of the answer to that last question in John’s gospel where Jesus told the Jews in Solomon’s portico that his sheep follow because they know and hear his voice (John 10:22-28). They do not follow because they are prodded along with a stick.

Since I read the book and wrote this review during Lent, it may also be helpful to consider some of the readings we recently heard over the past few weeks. In them, we can see the different “faces” of Jesus. I think given the topics Ms. Brown addresses in her book, and the style in which she engages them, it would be helpful to look at the Gospel readings from the Third Sunday of Lent (John 2:13-25) and Palm Sunday (Mark 14:1 – 15:47).

In John’s Gospel from the Third Sunday in Lent, we see a “zealous Jesus,” maybe even an “angry Jesus,” cleansing the temple by chasing out the money-changers with a whip he fashioned from cords. We often times say his anger was justified or even righteous. Pointing to that Jesus, we can justify our own indignation as we witness our country and our beloved Church sliding into what we believe to be decay. We believe we must not back down from a “fight” (a word used regularly by Cardinal Dolan).

On Palm Sunday, Mark shows us another face of Jesus, the one where he stands silent before Pilate (Mark 15:5). If there was ever a time for Jesus to be screaming for justice, it was then! Yet, Jesus wouldn’t even fight for his own life. He was purposefully silent so that it made Pilate “wonder” why. When we contemplate this face of Jesus, we are also reminded of his birth. We reflect on his humility, his meekness, his modesty. Interestingly, these are the traits we most commonly think of when we contemplate the spirituality and personalities of The Saints.

So what of our bishops? Indeed there are some who more vocal than others. For example, scarcely a day goes by when Cardinal Dolan, Cardinal Burke, or Archbishop Chaput (“heroes” in Ms. Brown’s book (pg. 204)) are not in the news for their latest comments when speaking truth to power and loudly proclaiming the Church’s teachings (and rightly so!). Then there are other bishops, who Ms. Brown claims, lack “the strength of conviction when the rubber meets the road,” and “look the other way” in the face of controversy (e.g. Cardinal George (pg. 51)). But could it be their divergent approaches to difficult situations reflect the many faces of Jesus? Is it necessary for all of our bishops to be type-A, in your face, kind of shepherds, leading with their staff rather than with the soft call of their voice? Once again, it’s only a thought.

What about Catholics in general? I believe the Catholic Church needs all kinds of people, from the loud and raucous to the meek and unassuming. By incorporating all kinds of people, the Church will reflect the many different faces of Jesus and become “all things to all men (I Cor 9:22).

The issues primarily covered in Ms. Brown’s book: sexual ethics, pro-life concerns, religious liberty are more much theologically nuanced than people on either the “right” or “left” knows, acknowledges, or understands. For example, the personhood issue is something clearly near and dear to Ms. Brown’s heart but it has many complex sides to it within the disciplines of theology, philosophy, anthropology, and sociology. To chastise bishops, individually or collectively, for not supporting state level personhood initiatives is too simple an answer when the Sacred Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (CDF) has stated in its Declaration on Procured Abortion (1974): “This declaration expressly leaves aside the question of the moment when the spiritual soul is infused. There is not a unanimous tradition on this point and authors are as yet in disagreement” (para #13 and footnote #19). For bishops in the United States to avoid championing such initiatives is to follow the example the CDF gave in its declaration (also see by the CDF: Instruction on Respect for Human Life in its Origin and on the Dignity of Procreation: Replies to Certain Questions of the Day (1987), paragraph 1 under Respect for Human Embryos).

These last few paragraphs are not meant to defend weak bishops. I think Ms. Brown has done Catholics a great service by writing this book and I heartily endorse it (for whatever that is worth). However, I would just say that it may be a bridge too far to say a poorly worded blog entry by a bishop or a less than rousing endorsement from the USCCB (“middle management” as Ms. Brown calls them (pg 78)) on state level initiatives is automatically indicative of a weak will, a desire to purposefully deceive, a lack of conviction, or a desire to be on the “A-list” at social events (charges Ms. Brown levies against bishops she is dissatisfied with).

Are there bishops like that? Yes, I’m quite sure there are. They are human after all. Yet, knowing all the angles in complex issues is almost an insurmountable task and then sufficiently documenting them all in a curial document, a diocesan press release, or a chapter in a book, can be equally as challenging.

This is why charity must abound in all things. Charity, as understood within the context of our Catholic faith is not for the faint of heart. We must present our concerns with clear voices, but always with charity. Ms. Brown calls the virtue of charity “a merciful salve” (pg. 216). I rather like that term!

If someone asked me, “Christopher, what did you like the most about Judie Brown’s book?” I would tell them I liked the fact that I could see myself in it. I easily relate to Ms. Brown’s frustration with lackadaisical bishops and her anger with unrepentant “Catholic” politicians who twist and distort the beauty of the Catholic faith for their own selfish gain. But in between readings, I calmed down and thought how we must act more cautiously because there are too many dangers if we proceed too hastily with condemnations of our bishops without knowing all the specifics (i.e. theological, philosophical, sociological, and yes, even political). But then I thought, “Doesn’t cautiousness only prolong the matter and mean more innocent children will die within their mother’s wombs?” When I considered it that way, I felt the heat rising in my face and I wanted to charge out and do something. Anything!!

Reading Ms. Brown’s A Broken Path was a back and forth emotional experience for me. Any book that can evoke those kinds of emotions and cause me to think a little more is worth the time to read! You may find the same is true for you.

This review was originally published on my website Christopher’s Apologies on 4/12/12.

The Spiritual Consequences of Sterilization

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

Last year, on one of the morning shows, a couple was asked to carry a camcorder around while they debated and discussed their decision to have a vasectomy. After the births of three boys — the youngest only a few months old — they made the decision to go ahead and have a permanent solution carried out because their plate was “full with three small boys.” The segment showed the husband at the doctor’s office having the procedure done. They were interviewed two months later and the wife said, they were “relieved,” “felt the freedom of not having to worry about more children.” The man said the operation was “quick and painless,” “very easy,” “great experience.” And, just to convince all the viewers that vasectomy is the best decision a couple can ever make, the doctor stated that there were “no long-term side effects from vasectomy.”

While I find that particular research suspect (i.e. there have been noted long-term side effects), these are not the worst side effects from vasectomy and tubal ligation. The most destructive are the spiritual repercussions. While contraception in itself separates a couple during marital relations, sterilization seeks to separate a couple permanently in their most intimate embrace and the spiritual consequences are far greater and more destructive than any of the physical side effects.

Case in point: we know of a couple who became sterilized after having a large number of children. They knew NFP, but they gave in to the pressure to become sterilized. A few years after the sterilization, however, one of their teenaged sons committed suicide. The year after their son died, they sent out letters to many in the Catholic community informing them that they had been involved in intensive spiritual counseling. Here’s what they wrote:

“During the night before his death, while our son was downstairs writing his notes to us and spending his last hours in utter hopelessness, there were at least three times when we were awake. It seems that it would have been a simple matter for God to prompt one of us to go downstairs and discover the horrible tragedy that was threatening our son. In fact, He probably was prompting us, but we were not living in God’s order, so we could not hear His prompts.”

About their sterilization, they said this: “We knew this was contrary to church teaching so we both went to confession almost immediately afterwards, but we really didn’t have true contrition because of our blindness. Little did we realize the tremendous suffering we would bring to our family, parish and community.”

At the time the letter was written, they were in the process of arranging for a reversal.

Now, I don’t necessarily agree with the cause and effect situation they present. However, I include it here because they believe that their decision to become sterilized was a contributing factor to their son’s suicide.

Other cases in point: three couples we taught NFP to many years ago decided to throw away the NFP charts and become sterilized. Two of the couples are now divorced, one couple is separated.

Children who know that their parents have been sterilized (despite the teaching of the Church that it is a mortal sin) grow up thinking that they don’t have to be obedient to the teachings of the Church.

Sterilization may seem like the easy way out, but in actuality, it permanently and physically separates a couple not only during their most intimate physical embrace, but in their spiritual embrace and separates them from God. It also serves as a poor example to the children. While there are many physical side effects, the spiritual repercussions are far more dangerous to a marriage.

For couples who need to avoid pregnancy, Natural Family Planning is a safe, effective and moral alternative to sexual sterilization and allows the married couple to remain as one. For more information on NFP: www.ccli.org or email me at info@fullquiverpublishing.com

Image purchased from iStock

NFP Goes High Tech

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

A few weeks ago, we taught an NFP (Natural Family Planning) class. Earlier in the day, we looked over the notes. That evening, we logged onto the teaching website. We tested the audio and video. We uploaded the slides and videos to the whiteboard, then waited for class to begin and for the eight registered couples to log on and join the “virtual classroom.”

Welcome to NFP in the 21st century! We don’t have to leave our home to teach NFP and student couples can learn NFP in the comfort of their own homes. They can see and hear us on the audio and video. If students have questions, they use the chat function.

For us, it’s been the answer to a prayer. Three years ago, after teaching NFP for 24 years, we were frustrated at the lack of interest in couples wanting to learn NFP. We felt fortunate to be teaching one or two couples a year. We had this enthusiasm to share our knowledge of NFP with others and wished there were more interested couples.

In the past 27 years, we have traveled all over Ontario to teach NFP classes. The most recent was three years ago when three different couples all inquired about the possibility of learning the sympto-thermal method of NFP in the Greater Toronto area. For the first two classes, we agreed to meet at the halfway point (each of us traveling two and a half hours) and for the last class, James and I traveled down to Toronto to teach Class III. It was an expensive venture, but we didn’t want to miss the opportunity to teach NFP to enthusiastic and interested couples. However, I told James that I wish that we could teach NFP online.

I didn’t have to wait long for my wish to come true.

A few months later, we discovered that our NFP organization, the Couple to Couple League, was looking for teaching couples to pilot a new online NFP teaching course. We immediately said yes and have never looked back. Since then, we have taught more couples in the past two years than in the previous 15 years.

The obvious advantage of online NFP classes is convenience. Most of the couples we’ve taught enjoy the convenience of not having to leave their homes and get a babysitter, although a few couples have missed the fellowship with other student couples.

One obvious disadvantage is when the internet isn’t working properly. It’s also hard for us as NFP teachers to judge whether a particular student is grasping a certain point because we can’t see facial expressions. In a large group, it’s necessary to test the couples frequently to make sure they’re understanding. And…it’s not unusual at least once during each class for some sort of technical malfunction to happen.

For the most part, however, it’s been a joy to teach NFP to so many couples, couples who may not have been able to learn otherwise.

Natural Family Planning is safe, effective and morally acceptable. Learning NFP has never been easier or more convenient. Materials and course fee are required to take the class.

If you’re interested in registering for an upcoming virtual online course: https://register.ccli.org/virtual

If you have any questions, concerns or comments, please feel free to email us at info@fullquiverpublishing.com or leave a comment below.

Healthy Habits for the New Year Include NFP

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

The beginning of a new year often prompts the making of resolutions regarding lifestyle. Some will decide to exercise more or to eat better.

Nowadays healthier lifestyle choices are encouraged: a diet rich in whole foods, fresh fruits and vegetables, low in saturated fat. Unhealthy habits are discouraged: poor diet, inactivity, smoking, excessive drinking.

An important part of a healthy lifestyle also includes making good choices regarding birth regulation.

Moral considerations aside, Natural Family Planning, or NFP, is very healthy. It is a highly effective method of birth regulation, and it also poses no physical side effects. In my experience, NFP fosters a greater understanding and appreciation of the couple’s combined natural gift of fertility. There are no pills or chemicals to harm a woman’s delicate system. There are no devices or operations for either man or woman.

Other methods, however, are not so health-inducing.

Each prescription for chemical contraception (Pill, patch, vaginal ring, injectables) includes an extensive insert outlining the numerous possible physical side effects: an increased risk of weight gain, mood swings, headaches, breast cancer, heart attack, stroke and blood clots. Vasectomy comes with an increased risk of prostate cancer and dementia. Women who undergo a tubal ligation have a higher risk of chronic pain and hysterectomy.

For those who are especially concerned with the health of the environment, chemical contraception is a likely culprit in contributing to the feminization of male fish. Although chemical contraception isn’t the only cause, the following link includes more detail on chemical contraception’s effect on fish:

https://pubs.acs.org/cen/coverstory/86/8608cover.html

A new year can be an opportune time to adopt healthier lifestyle choices. It’s also a great time to learn NFP.

My husband, James, and I are certified NFP teachers and we even teach NFP online. For more information on NFP, check out my previous column entitled, “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About NFP, But Were Afraid to Ask” or email me at info(at)fullquiverpublishing.com.

A Catholic Alternative to “Trashy” Novels

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

I have always been an avid reader. Even now, I usually read two to three novels per week. Years ago, before my re-version, I devoured trashy romance novels like they were candy.

Like anyone, I love a good story, but I especially enjoy a compelling romance or suspense novel. As I grew in my faith, I no longer wanted to read fiction with explicit sex scenes. So I began seeking out Christian fiction. However, I yearned to read good, compelling fiction with Catholic themes.

Partly in response to this desire, I began writing my first novel, Emily’s Hope, in 2001. I’m a certified NFP teacher and I’ve debated the “contraception” issue with non-Catholics, liberal Catholics, ex-Catholics and non-practicing Catholics. So when I sat down to write my first novel, I knew that not only did I want to write a compelling story, I also wanted to include information on the Theology of the Body and NFP. I figured that if I was going to write a novel, I wanted to write one that had the potential of evangelizing.

Emily’s Hope is the story of “Emily” (loosely based on myself) and “Katharine,” my great-grandmother. In the seven years since it’s been published, I’ve received many letters from “fans.” One teenager approached me at a Catholic conference and said, “You know, Mrs. Hrkach, your book helped me to understand the Theology of the Body better than any textbook I’ve read.”

With my second novel, In Name Only, I wanted to write a Catholic historical romance that would be hard to put down, a romance that didn’t shy away from Catholic teachings on sex and marriage.

Amazingly, In Name Only won the Gold Medal for Religious Fiction in the 2010 IPPY Awards (the first Catholic novel to do so). It was in the top 100 of Religious Fiction and Christian Romance for six months and continues to sell extremely well on the Kindle. One reviewer on Amazon.com writes, “When I read In Name Only, I was floored. It was so good! I could not stop reading it! I read it in a weekend staying up until 2am on Sunday night/Monday morning to finish it even though I had work the next day… what really gripped me was how Ellen Gable took Theology of the Body (TOB) and turned it into a novel. TOB is near and dear to my heart. I loved how she incorporated the teachings of the Church and weaved them into such a complicated storyline…”

My third novel, Stealing Jenny, is a suspense thriller about the kidnapping of a pregnant woman. The husband and wife protagonists are open to life, NFP-using, devout (yet imperfect) Catholics. One of the main characters is not religious. Another character is a born again Christian. I purposefully created Stealing Jenny so that the teaching was more subtle. And, of course, I wanted to write a book that was hard to put down. Therese Heckenkamp of Traditional Catholic Novels, said “When I had to put this book down, I literally could not wait to pick it up again…Stealing Jenny is a smoothly written, chilling tale of gripping suspense. There are terrifying moments and heart-wrenching moments. Catholic faith and hope are tested. Above all, the sacredness and privilege of precious new life is made indisputably evident.”

A few weeks ago, Stealing Jenny hit #1 in Drama/Fiction/Religious on Amazon Kindle and has remained in the top ten for the past three weeks.

A warning: my novels, although not explicit, do deal with mature themes and are appropriate for teens and older.

All my books are available on Amazon.com in print or on Kindle.

Like many of the Amazing Catechists columnists, I’m giving away free books: one copy of each of my novels in print and Kindle editions, as well as both editions of my non-fiction book, Come My Beloved (that’s eight books in total). Enter to win by leaving a comment at ANY OF OUR COLUMNS, ANY TIME from NOW until December 15th!

Of course, my novels are not the only Catholic alternatives to secular “trashy” novels. Do you have a favorite contemporary Catholic novel? Please feel free to comment below.

NFP in Challenging Times

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

The postpartum (after having a baby) and pre-menopause (before menopause) times are two very challenging periods to use NFP. Even more challenging is when a couple decides to learn NFP during these times. It’s not impossible, but more difficult to use NFP and it often necessitates longer periods of abstinence if the couple is avoiding pregnancy.

Postpartum Period:
For the postpartum woman, it depends on the type of baby care whether her fertility will return immediately or up to a year or two afterwards.

The bottlefeeding mother will have an early return of fertility (which means that her periods and ovulation will start soon after birth). The part-time breastfeeding mom will generally have an earlier return of fertility. The totally breastfeeding mother will likely not experience fertility until her baby begins to wean or begins to take solids. All these factors must be taken into account when using NFP in the postpartum period. Regardless of how a mother feeds her baby, fertility observations are essential in determining when fertility returns.

It is typical for the postpartum woman to have longer cycles initially, but eventually her cycles will return to the normal pre-pregnancy length. Fertility observations are extremely important in this transition period and sometimes there are long periods of abstinence depending on how serious a need the couple have.

Pre-menopause:
Pre-menopause can be equally challenging. For the middle-aged couple who are avoiding pregnancy, periods of abstinence can be lengthy. Cycles can become irregular: they can be shorter or longer. As fertility drops, cycles can often be anovulatory (without ovulation), can include breakthrough bleeding and/or weak or lengthy luteal phases (the time from ovulation to menstruation).

Women approaching menopause may also have to deal with hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, mood swings, anxiety, depression, weight gain, sleep issues and problems with concentration and memory.

The Couple to Couple League has published two excellent books on both the Postpartum period and Pre-Menopause (CCL Store). They also offer supplemental classes for both postpartum and pre-menopause. (These classes are free for couples who have already taken the regular CCL NFP course). If interested in one of these courses, please contact the Couple to Couple League at their website: www.ccli.org.

Catechizing Through Fiction

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

Since today is the launch date for my third novel, Stealing Jenny, it might be appropriate this month to write a short article on “Catechizing Through Fiction.”

I’ve been a novelist for ten years. My second novel, In Name Only, (a Catholic historical romance) was the first Catholic novel to win the Gold Medal in Religious Fiction at the 2010 IPPY Awards and has been an Amazon Top 100 Bestseller for four months.

So what’s different about my novels?

Well, for one thing, they are unabashedly Catholic. There are many who don’t believe in evangelizing or catechizing through fiction. But I’m not one of them. After all, Jesus used parables to teach, didn’t He?

My first novel, Emily’s Hope, is the fictionalized parallel stories of myself and my great-grandmother. It illustrates the Church’s teachings on sex and marriage and why it is so important to obey these teachings. One young adult sent me a “fan” letter saying, “Your book has helped me to understand the Church’s teaching on sex and marriage more than any textbook.”

My second novel, In Name Only, is a romance which takes place in the 1870’s in Philadelphia. It is different from secular romances because it does not contain graphic sexuality. However, it does include teaching on the Theology of the Body, so sexual issues like promiscuity and pornography are dealt with tastefully. It was challenging to illustrate the Theology of the Body since that term was not coined by Blessed John Paul II until the early 80’s. However, Church teaching on marriage has remained constant. In Name Only has been my most popular book thus far, and continues to be an Amazon Kindle Top 100 bestseller in Religious Fiction.

With my latest novel, Stealing Jenny, I wanted to illustrate why it is so important to be pro-life, especially in our current culture.

From the back cover of Stealing Jenny: “After three heartbreaking miscarriages, Tom and Jenny Callahan are happily anticipating the birth of their sixth child. A neighbor, however, is hatching a sinister plot which will find Jenny and her unborn baby fighting for their lives.”

Advanced reviews have been overwhelmingly positive. “Stealing Jenny is a gripping novel filled with engaging characters, a compelling mystery and a message which underscores the precious dignity of life. I literally couldn’t put it down and give Stealing Jenny my highest recommendation,” says Lisa M. Hendey, Founder of CatholicMom.com and author of A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms. Author and Blogger Sarah Reinhard writes, “Stealing Jenny will keep you on the edge of your seat and probably destroy your sleep pattern as you stay up to find out what happens. But beyond being a great suspense, it’s also anexcellent example of morals in action and family life redeemed. As a fan of Ellen Gable’s work already, I’m now officially getting a t-shirt!” Therese Heckenkamp of Traditional Catholic Novels.com says “Stealing Jenny is a smoothly written, chilling tale of gripping suspense. There are terrifying moments and heart-wrenching moments. Catholic faith and hope are tested. Above all, the sacredness and privilege of precious new life is made indisputably evident. I never wanted it to end!”

Stealing Jenny is available via Amazon in print or on Kindle.

A Catholic Guide to Infallible Loving

By Ellen Gable Hrkach

In his book, “Holy Sex: A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind Blowing Infallible Loving,” Dr. Greg Popcak expertly dispels the long-held societal myth that the Catholic Church teaches that sex is bad. He explains that the Church teaches that marital sex open to life can actually be holy, satisfying and “mind blowing.”

And, despite the fact that this book has “Catholic” in its title, it is not just for Catholics. Every married couple interested in having a great sex life would benefit from this wonderfully candid book.

Dividing his book into four parts, in Part I, he introduces the truths of what he calls “Infallible Loving.” Part II gives the tools to tap into what he calls “The Five Powers of Holy Sex,” and how readers can learn how to celebrate the sacred, redemptive, heavenly, uniting and creative nature of holy sex. Part III gives readers the necessary information to apply the principles of holy sex to their marriages. Part IV offers practical guidance to overcome sexual problems and challenges.

As an NFP teacher for many years, I already knew much of what was included in this book, but I still found it to be helpful. The author’s humor and candor are particularly entertaining. Anecdotal stories of real couples from the author’s experience as a marriage counselor make this a most interesting and compelling read.

There are a few explicit parts and, therefore, recommended for mature readers. However, I highly recommend this book to any couple who truly wants to experience sacred sexuality.

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