My daughter’s Sacrifice

Every few years, my daughter (with special needs) has a birthday that falls on Good Friday.  I have been constantly impressed with her commitment to keep her fast on that day, rather than celebrating her birthday.  This child, who often misses the details of how someone feels, or what is appropriate social behavior, never misses this spiritual opportunity to put her faith first.

 

One year, our youth leader’s wife organized a birthday party for him on Good Friday after the Living Stations of the Cross.  This prompted a discussion between the youth leader and my then nine year-old daughter about why she wasn’t celebrating her birthday that day.  This year, following my daughter’s example, the youth leader asked that no one do anything after the Living Stations for his birthday.  “A little child shall lead them.”

 

It is easy sometimes to forget the gifts that a child with special needs has, but this is one circumstance where my daughter’s gift of faith shines so brightly that everyone can see it and is drawn to her beautiful inner light.  May God bless my Anya-Marie as she turns thirteen on Good Friday this year and as she puts it, “It’s not so bad, cuz we’ll celebrate on Easter and I’ll get a bunny cake.”  God bless you abundantly this Lenten season.

Over the Christmas season, I kept shopping, trying to make it perfect.  Trying to fulfill their dreams, to make this a Christmas that would make them smile and remember it forever!  The more I did, the worse I felt, because it was impossible.  Each dollar spent made me feel sicker.  I couldn’t measure up, I worried about the bills, the emptiness wouldn’t go away.  Then it hit me…

The things I want to give them I couldn’t.

I wanted to wrap up time and then spend it with each one of my family members as if there were no boundaries, or calendars, or appointments to keep.

I wanted to give them patience.  I seem to have such a limited supply of this and there are so many demands and needs.  These are amplified by the special needs of my daughter who is cognitively delayed and has Aspergers.

I wanted to give them smiles, but too often they awake to a grumpy and tired mom.  They come home to a frustrated one and go to sleep as I mutter under my breath about the mess of their rooms and the lack of hours in the day to get it all done.

I wanted to give my older children perspective.  They worry about such unimportant things and don’t understand the gravity of some of the choices they make.  The little ones I wanted to give a calm spirit.  I desired that they would stay little a while longer and stop trying to hurry and grow up.

Somewhere in my discontent, I realized that what I could give them was my best effort.  I could try to pass on the example of my faith.  I could let them know that they are loved and treasured. Through this experience, I am learning to let God fill in the gaps that I can’t fill and to trust Him to lead my way. I will try to keep these gifts in mind in the coming year, the ones that are truly important.  I will try to love more and worry less.   Happy New Year.

 

 

 ^“The Lord is not being slow in carrying out his promises, as some people think he is; rather is he being patient with you, wanting nobody to be lost and everybody to be brought to repentance.

 

 Since everything is coming to an end like this, what holy and saintly lives you should be living while you wait for the Day of God to come, and try to hasten its coming:”  2 Pt 3:9-13

 

I was struck by these lines in the reading this week.  It reminded me of the unique viewpoint of the Catholic Church when we think about heaven and the Kingdom of God.

Too often, people get caught up in the promise of heaven as a rescue of sorts.  I think this is where “Rapture” thinking comes from.  We struggle on earth, but we will be swept away into heaven and everything will be better.  The question we must raise is, “Why will it be better?”  Will we have every desire suddenly fulfilled?  Well, yes, but not in the way we think.  Our desires will be in complete accordance with the will of the Father.  That will bring us joy.

Ponder the line, “and try to hasten its coming.”  It implies that we can hasten the coming of the Kingdom in some way.  We can!  When we make it our goal that, “no one is lost and everyone is brought to repentance,” this Christian love brings His kingdom more fully to the earth, by the power of God’s grace. This brings me to the uniqueness of the Catholic viewpoint.

Our faith is dual in nature.  Like Jesus’ two natures it is both human and divine in its mission.  We are called to bring the Kingdom of God to earth.  Rather than concentrating on us being lifted to heaven, we can work towards bringing a piece of heaven to earth. We do this by filling actual human needs, both physical and spiritual.

My niece demonstrated this in an extraordinary way.  She, her husband and her daughter were relocated to San Diego.  The rest of her family lives on the East coast. My sister and I have raised our kids in the same neighborhood, on the same street, so this was a very difficult move for her.

She experienced major culture shock when she arrived.  She had never experienced pan-handlers jumping on her car and asking for money before.  She was shocked and fearful.

Then she decided to do something positive in response.  She and her husband packed up 17 gift baskets with jackets they thought they could live without, bottled water and food. In each basket they included an encouraging note about God’s love for each person.  They drove through their new neighborhood and distributed them to people in need. Yes, even to the pan-handlers.  She, without recognizing it, was fulfilling our mandate as Catholics, to spread the gospel and assist in bringing the Kingdom of God to earth.

When we sacrifice in the name of justice, fight hunger, and help to bring others to repentance, we work in union with Jesus Christ. We become His hands and feet and voice. We bring the Kingdom more fully to the earth.  May God bless you all this Advent season and let’s work to truly prepare the world for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

 

For this writer, there are no better gifts than books!  Whether I give them or get them, to me they are the perfect present.  This month AC wants to give you a present.  Just enter our contest to win free books from some of your AC favorite authors.  Here are the details for the giveway:

AmazingCatechists.com has undergone a redesign and reboot, and our staff is kicking up its collective heels by giving away TWO-DOZEN books from December 6^th through December 15^th.

 Enter to win a FREE BOOK by leaving a comment at ANY OF OUR COLUMNS, ANY TIME from NOW until December 15th! Drawings begin on the 6^th.

All comments dated from December 1st on will be eligible until the last prize is given away on the 15th.

If you are interested in purchasing a copy of my books for Christmas:  Managing Stress with the Help of Your Catholic Faith or Catholic Family Boot Camp go to http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Mary+Lou+Rosien&x=12&y=19 

Good luck in the contest and Advent Blessings to all.

 

 

A friend of mine recently called me quite distressed. Her wonderful three year-old son was being evaluated for speech, sensory and possible autism spectrum related disorders. She was experiencing that kicked-in-the-gut feeling, even though she had suspected something was wrong for quite a while.

I couldn’t help blurting out, “You just got a get out of jail free card!” She pressed me for an explanation of such a strange comment, while joking with me that she didn’t know why she kept me around.

I told her that her world vision was about to change. She would no longer feel social pressure to force her child to endure situations that were intolerable to him (or for that matter, for her). She had been trying to fit her son into “normal” situations that initiated meltdowns, frustrations or simply exhaustion for him. I explained to her that she was just about to put on a fresh pair of glasses and view the those experiences in a new light.

Following the holidays she called me back and said that I had been right. After a particularly wonderful day, they had been invited over to someone’s house for a party in the evening. In the past, she would have felt obligated to attend. This time, however, she looked over at her darling son. He was happy, content and almost ready for bed. She anticipated packing him up, along with his three siblings, going outdoors and into a crowded family party and chose, without guilt or regret, to say, “No.” They had a peaceful, beautiful night and she was grateful for the ability to evaluate the situation and decide it would have been detrimental to her son.

As parents and Catechists, we too can look at 2011 with a fresh view. Do we push (even our normal) children and students into situations that are distressing to them? Have we looked around lately and evaluated the stressors that are present in their environments and removed them if at all possible? A new perspective can help in making 2011 a better, more productive and less stressed year.

May God bless you abundantly this year, Dear Reader.

When educating students with disabilities it is important to recognize that they may not absorb and understand information in the traditional way.  With this in mind, there are a few ways to maximize their learning experience.

1/ Ask, Observe and Identify.  People learn in three basic ways, auditorially (through hearing information), visually (seeing information) and tactically (feeling information).  Ask the child’s parents if they have noticed which style of learning works best for their child.  If the catechist needs additional information, consider spending some time observing the child.  Do they respond in a question and answer period?  Do they enjoy looking at the pictures in their catechism book?  Do they want to touch and feel everything on the Altar when you take a tour of the Church?

  My own son, who does not happen to be learning disabled, is very visual.  His teacher remarks that he rarely writes a story without putting pictures in the margins.  She has observed that the pictures seem to help him process and plan his story out, so she encourages him rather than asking him to stop doodling.

2/ Work a curriculum for the student around their learning style.  For example, we used to have Rosary flash cards for my kids.  Every mystery had a picture they could meditate on while we prayed that decade.  If he’s tactile, consider making things out of clay to demonstrate meaning.  Auditory, don’t have the child read, but have a parent read to them. Don’t give them written tests, just verbal ones.

3/ Recruit some help.  Faith Formation teachers are volunteers and often don’t have the time or training to specialize their lessons for a child with a disability.  Consider placing an aid in the classroom or even a one-on-one aid for the child.  This will move the class along without making the teacher’s job more difficult than it can already be.  There may be a special ed. teacher in your parish who is not willing to teach a class, but may be willing to work with one child.