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Grace in a Blue Sweater

By Mary Lou Rosien

You don’t have to be parenting a special needs child to know that conflicts in parenting styles can be one of the toughest issues a married couple can face.  My husband and I are usually on the same page when it comes to this, but recently we had a significant challenge with our nineteen year-old son.  We vehemently disagreed on the approach we should take. I can honestly say that it was one of the hardest times we have faced in our twenty-two year marriage.  I was hurt, felt my position was not being taken seriously, and I was angry with both my husband and my son.

 

I didn’t know what to do with all the emotions I felt, so I did what I typically do (sulk, whine, scream…okay after that) I prayed.  I couldn’t find peace and grace did not appear to be forthcoming.  Then, God in His faithfulness, gave me the grace I needed.  My husband (with whom I was so upset that it took a herculean effort to be civil) came downstairs in his blue sweater.  He looks so good in that sweater.  I couldn’t help but marvel at how I could still be so attracted to this man after all these years and even in the middle of a disagreement!  God knows exactly how to get to me and He got to me good.

 

It’s been months since that day, and God has allowed me to see the wisdom in my husband’s parenting style and decisions.  I have been grateful a million times that the Lord enabled me to have grace to die- to-self and let my husband take the lead. I am even grateful for the times I was allowed to walk away from this challenge; my husband was in charge.  All these are blessings and the grace that started with the blue sweater has grown to an admiration and love for my husband’s strength and wisdom.  God does indeed work in mysterious ways.

Read all posts by Mary Lou Rosien Filed Under: Culture, General, Special Needs

My Daughter’s Sacrifice

By Mary Lou Rosien

My daughter’s Sacrifice

Every few years, my daughter (with special needs) has a birthday that falls on Good Friday.  I have been constantly impressed with her commitment to keep her fast on that day, rather than celebrating her birthday.  This child, who often misses the details of how someone feels, or what is appropriate social behavior, never misses this spiritual opportunity to put her faith first.

 

One year, our youth leader’s wife organized a birthday party for him on Good Friday after the Living Stations of the Cross.  This prompted a discussion between the youth leader and my then nine year-old daughter about why she wasn’t celebrating her birthday that day.  This year, following my daughter’s example, the youth leader asked that no one do anything after the Living Stations for his birthday.  “A little child shall lead them.”

 

It is easy sometimes to forget the gifts that a child with special needs has, but this is one circumstance where my daughter’s gift of faith shines so brightly that everyone can see it and is drawn to her beautiful inner light.  May God bless my Anya-Marie as she turns thirteen on Good Friday this year and as she puts it, “It’s not so bad, cuz we’ll celebrate on Easter and I’ll get a bunny cake.”  God bless you abundantly this Lenten season.

Read all posts by Mary Lou Rosien Filed Under: General, Special Needs

The Christmas Gift I Couldn’t Wrap

By Mary Lou Rosien

Over the Christmas season, I kept shopping, trying to make it perfect.  Trying to fulfill their dreams, to make this a Christmas that would make them smile and remember it forever!  The more I did, the worse I felt, because it was impossible.  Each dollar spent made me feel sicker.  I couldn’t measure up, I worried about the bills, the emptiness wouldn’t go away.  Then it hit me…

The things I want to give them I couldn’t.

I wanted to wrap up time and then spend it with each one of my family members as if there were no boundaries, or calendars, or appointments to keep.

I wanted to give them patience.  I seem to have such a limited supply of this and there are so many demands and needs.  These are amplified by the special needs of my daughter who is cognitively delayed and has Aspergers.

I wanted to give them smiles, but too often they awake to a grumpy and tired mom.  They come home to a frustrated one and go to sleep as I mutter under my breath about the mess of their rooms and the lack of hours in the day to get it all done.

I wanted to give my older children perspective.  They worry about such unimportant things and don’t understand the gravity of some of the choices they make.  The little ones I wanted to give a calm spirit.  I desired that they would stay little a while longer and stop trying to hurry and grow up.

Somewhere in my discontent, I realized that what I could give them was my best effort.  I could try to pass on the example of my faith.  I could let them know that they are loved and treasured. Through this experience, I am learning to let God fill in the gaps that I can’t fill and to trust Him to lead my way. I will try to keep these gifts in mind in the coming year, the ones that are truly important.  I will try to love more and worry less.   Happy New Year.

 

 

Read all posts by Mary Lou Rosien Filed Under: General, Special Needs

Thy Kingdom Come

By Mary Lou Rosien

 “The Lord is not being slow in carrying out his promises, as some people think he is; rather is he being patient with you, wanting nobody to be lost and everybody to be brought to repentance.

 

 Since everything is coming to an end like this, what holy and saintly lives you should be living while you wait for the Day of God to come, and try to hasten its coming:”  2 Pt 3:9-13

 

I was struck by these lines in the reading this week.  It reminded me of the unique viewpoint of the Catholic Church when we think about heaven and the Kingdom of God.

Too often, people get caught up in the promise of heaven as a rescue of sorts.  I think this is where “Rapture” thinking comes from.  We struggle on earth, but we will be swept away into heaven and everything will be better.  The question we must raise is, “Why will it be better?”  Will we have every desire suddenly fulfilled?  Well, yes, but not in the way we think.  Our desires will be in complete accordance with the will of the Father.  That will bring us joy.

Ponder the line, “and try to hasten its coming.”  It implies that we can hasten the coming of the Kingdom in some way.  We can!  When we make it our goal that, “no one is lost and everyone is brought to repentance,” this Christian love brings His kingdom more fully to the earth, by the power of God’s grace. This brings me to the uniqueness of the Catholic viewpoint.

Our faith is dual in nature.  Like Jesus’ two natures it is both human and divine in its mission.  We are called to bring the Kingdom of God to earth.  Rather than concentrating on us being lifted to heaven, we can work towards bringing a piece of heaven to earth. We do this by filling actual human needs, both physical and spiritual.

My niece demonstrated this in an extraordinary way.  She, her husband and her daughter were relocated to San Diego.  The rest of her family lives on the East coast. My sister and I have raised our kids in the same neighborhood, on the same street, so this was a very difficult move for her.

She experienced major culture shock when she arrived.  She had never experienced pan-handlers jumping on her car and asking for money before.  She was shocked and fearful.

Then she decided to do something positive in response.  She and her husband packed up 17 gift baskets with jackets they thought they could live without, bottled water and food. In each basket they included an encouraging note about God’s love for each person.  They drove through their new neighborhood and distributed them to people in need. Yes, even to the pan-handlers.  She, without recognizing it, was fulfilling our mandate as Catholics, to spread the gospel and assist in bringing the Kingdom of God to earth.

When we sacrifice in the name of justice, fight hunger, and help to bring others to repentance, we work in union with Jesus Christ. We become His hands and feet and voice. We bring the Kingdom more fully to the earth.  May God bless you all this Advent season and let’s work to truly prepare the world for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

 

Read all posts by Mary Lou Rosien Filed Under: General, Special Needs

Book Giveway for Christmas

By Mary Lou Rosien

For this writer, there are no better gifts than books!  Whether I give them or get them, to me they are the perfect present.  This month AC wants to give you a present.  Just enter our contest to win free books from some of your AC favorite authors.  Here are the details for the giveway:

AmazingCatechists.com has undergone a redesign and reboot, and our staff is kicking up its collective heels by giving away TWO-DOZEN books from December 6th through December 15th.

 Enter to win a FREE BOOK by leaving a comment at ANY OF OUR COLUMNS, ANY TIME from NOW until December 15th! Drawings begin on the 6th.

All comments dated from December 1st on will be eligible until the last prize is given away on the 15th.

If you are interested in purchasing a copy of my books for Christmas:  Managing Stress with the Help of Your Catholic Faith or Catholic Family Boot Camp go to https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Mary+Lou+Rosien&x=12&y=19 

Good luck in the contest and Advent Blessings to all.


 

 

Read all posts by Mary Lou Rosien Filed Under: General, Special Needs

Adjusting Expectations for the Holiday Season

By Mary Lou Rosien

Sanctity for Special Souls: December 2010

Adjusting Expectations for the Holiday Season  by Mary Lou Rosien

We all have wonderful memories of Christmas past and great expectations for Christmas to come. When dealing with children with special needs, however, those ideas may need to be adjusted. For our special needs students the new sounds, smells, and even the excitement can prove very difficult.

 I remember  when my oldest son was five years old. At that time, he was our only child and we went a little crazy that Christmas. We took him to see the lights. We had a huge pile of gifts under the tree. We wanted him to experience all the traditions we had loved as children.

We sat under the tree looking just like a Christmas card picture, little did we know that the smiles would soon become screams and screeches as our poor son became overwhelmed. He had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (along with some other issues) and Christmas morning proved to be just too much. Add to that the fact that we had taken him to midnight Mass and he was exhausted. I look back, twenty years and seven children later, and I wonder what were we thinking?

When we are planning Christmas Catechism lessons or activities, we need to consider how our special students might react. Do they need additional transition time? Do we need to limit the activities that day? How will these students react without their regular schedule? When we plan our December classes with these things in mind, all our students may benefit. Thank you and may God bless you during this Advent season.

Read all posts by Mary Lou Rosien Filed Under: General

Putting on a Fresh View for the New Year

By Mary Lou Rosien

A friend of mine recently called me quite distressed. Her wonderful three year-old son was being evaluated for speech, sensory and possible autism spectrum related disorders. She was experiencing that kicked-in-the-gut feeling, even though she had suspected something was wrong for quite a while.

I couldn’t help blurting out, “You just got a get out of jail free card!” She pressed me for an explanation of such a strange comment, while joking with me that she didn’t know why she kept me around.

I told her that her world vision was about to change. She would no longer feel social pressure to force her child to endure situations that were intolerable to him (or for that matter, for her). She had been trying to fit her son into “normal” situations that initiated meltdowns, frustrations or simply exhaustion for him. I explained to her that she was just about to put on a fresh pair of glasses and view the those experiences in a new light.

Following the holidays she called me back and said that I had been right. After a particularly wonderful day, they had been invited over to someone’s house for a party in the evening. In the past, she would have felt obligated to attend. This time, however, she looked over at her darling son. He was happy, content and almost ready for bed. She anticipated packing him up, along with his three siblings, going outdoors and into a crowded family party and chose, without guilt or regret, to say, “No.” They had a peaceful, beautiful night and she was grateful for the ability to evaluate the situation and decide it would have been detrimental to her son.

As parents and Catechists, we too can look at 2011 with a fresh view. Do we push (even our normal) children and students into situations that are distressing to them? Have we looked around lately and evaluated the stressors that are present in their environments and removed them if at all possible? A new perspective can help in making 2011 a better, more productive and less stressed year.

May God bless you abundantly this year, Dear Reader.

Read all posts by Mary Lou Rosien Filed Under: General, Special Needs

Keeping the Eyes of my Heart Open

By Mary Lou Rosien

There is a line in the movie, Forrest Gump, where a young girl prays, “Lord, please give me wings to fly far, far away.”  I often feel like that when my darling daughter is having a meltdown.  My reason and logic goes out the window, flying away… like I wish I could.  I know she is disabled.  I know she cannot be reasoned with right now.  I know it’s not my fault, but my heart does not believe a word of it.  She can be mean to me, abusive in fact.  She’s only eleven, cognitively delayed, with a mild form of autism and an emotional dysregulation disorder and I should cope better, but sometimes I don’t.

In these moments I need to ask for God’s grace to see my daughter as He sees her.  He has a purpose for her life.  My students teasingly call her my ‘saint maker.’ She will teach me to be patient, a virtue I do not possess. She keeps the focus off me and she will move me a step closer to heaven.

When I can close my eyes, and emotionally remove my self from the chaos, I can see her sweetly saying her prayers.  I ponder how she carefully she plays with the younger boys next door.  I reread the sweet letter she wrote to her daddy and me on our anniversary,

“You are not the parents who fight.  You are the parents who love each other very much.  Even when you are having a bad day, you are kind to each other.” I wonder when she observed that and how she knows?

When I remember to pray, breathe and ask for the grace to see her as God does, I am absolutely amazed at her beauty.  She is precious, special and almost perfect in her pure love for God and for us. Please, Lord, keep the eyes of my heart always open and remain, in each of us.

Read all posts by Mary Lou Rosien Filed Under: Special Needs

Adapting to the Special Needs Student

By Mary Lou Rosien

When educating students with disabilities it is important to recognize that they may not absorb and understand information in the traditional way.  With this in mind, there are a few ways to maximize their learning experience.

1/ Ask, Observe and Identify.  People learn in three basic ways, auditorially (through hearing information), visually (seeing information) and tactically (feeling information).  Ask the child’s parents if they have noticed which style of learning works best for their child.  If the catechist needs additional information, consider spending some time observing the child.  Do they respond in a question and answer period?  Do they enjoy looking at the pictures in their catechism book?  Do they want to touch and feel everything on the Altar when you take a tour of the Church?

  My own son, who does not happen to be learning disabled, is very visual.  His teacher remarks that he rarely writes a story without putting pictures in the margins.  She has observed that the pictures seem to help him process and plan his story out, so she encourages him rather than asking him to stop doodling.

2/ Work a curriculum for the student around their learning style.  For example, we used to have Rosary flash cards for my kids.  Every mystery had a picture they could meditate on while we prayed that decade.  If he’s tactile, consider making things out of clay to demonstrate meaning.  Auditory, don’t have the child read, but have a parent read to them. Don’t give them written tests, just verbal ones.

3/ Recruit some help.  Faith Formation teachers are volunteers and often don’t have the time or training to specialize their lessons for a child with a disability.  Consider placing an aid in the classroom or even a one-on-one aid for the child.  This will move the class along without making the teacher’s job more difficult than it can already be.  There may be a special ed. teacher in your parish who is not willing to teach a class, but may be willing to work with one child.

Read all posts by Mary Lou Rosien Filed Under: General, Special Needs

What Kind of Learner?

By Mary Lou Rosien

All children learn differently! End of story. Each child has been programmed, by God, to respond uniquely to varied types of input. There are three main ways most of us learn:

Visually (by what we see.)

Auditorially by what we hear.)

Tactically (by what we feel.)

The most successful teachers understand this and use a multi-sensory approach to the learning process.

An example of this might be in preparing for Easter. Reading the children the story of the death and resurrection of Christ, then having them look at pictures that illustrate the story and finally having them act out the story would cover all three types of learning styles. By doing this, each student would have a better chance of absorbing the information in the manner which best accommodates them.

When lesson plans are made, it can be helpful to ask yourself if you have an illustration of the point you are trying to make using all three learning styles.

It can also be helpful to ask the children if they know in which way they learn most effectively. Don’t underestimate how aware they can be of their own learning processes and the processes of those around them.

Five of my own seven children have learning issues and yet, if one of them shouts a question at me from across the room, another one will inevitably shout back, “You have to show it to her. Mom is NOT an auditory learner.” They are correct in fact, I am a visual learner. What kind of learner are you?

Read all posts by Mary Lou Rosien Filed Under: General

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