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The Christmas Gift I Couldn’t Wrap

By Mary Lou Rosien

Over the Christmas season, I kept shopping, trying to make it perfect.  Trying to fulfill their dreams, to make this a Christmas that would make them smile and remember it forever!  The more I did, the worse I felt, because it was impossible.  Each dollar spent made me feel sicker.  I couldn’t measure up, I worried about the bills, the emptiness wouldn’t go away.  Then it hit me…

The things I want to give them I couldn’t.

I wanted to wrap up time and then spend it with each one of my family members as if there were no boundaries, or calendars, or appointments to keep.

I wanted to give them patience.  I seem to have such a limited supply of this and there are so many demands and needs.  These are amplified by the special needs of my daughter who is cognitively delayed and has Aspergers.

I wanted to give them smiles, but too often they awake to a grumpy and tired mom.  They come home to a frustrated one and go to sleep as I mutter under my breath about the mess of their rooms and the lack of hours in the day to get it all done.

I wanted to give my older children perspective.  They worry about such unimportant things and don’t understand the gravity of some of the choices they make.  The little ones I wanted to give a calm spirit.  I desired that they would stay little a while longer and stop trying to hurry and grow up.

Somewhere in my discontent, I realized that what I could give them was my best effort.  I could try to pass on the example of my faith.  I could let them know that they are loved and treasured. Through this experience, I am learning to let God fill in the gaps that I can’t fill and to trust Him to lead my way. I will try to keep these gifts in mind in the coming year, the ones that are truly important.  I will try to love more and worry less.   Happy New Year.

 

 

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Read all posts by Mary Lou Rosien Filed Under: General, Special Needs

About Mary Lou Rosien

Mary Lou Rosien is a Catholic, Wife and Mother to seven children plus one foster-son. She is an author and the RCIA Coordinator at St. Leo's Church in Hilton, NY. She writes for AC in between loads of laundry, driving around kids and speaking engagements.

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