Two Little Words, Much Appreciated

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It was a strange-looking envelope, made even more so by the fact that no one in the house has a birthday in early May.

Who could be sending a card?

I didn’t recognize the return address, though the name was ringing a distant bell.

To top things off, there was a lump in it.

My surprise was made sweeter when I saw that it was a thank you card from one of my fifth-grade students. Our religious education year just finished, and she had missed the last class.

Her mom, I’m sure, is responsible for the card that’s still on my counter. And her mom took the time to write a little note in the card, too.

Being a catechist is a huge commitment. It’s often thankless. You have to have lessons and materials prepared, go with the flow when things don’t turn out as they should, and rely heavily on the Holy Spirit.

What gets me through is that I really enjoy teaching and I do so love the ages I work with. Even so, getting that thank you card sure makes it easier to sign up for another year.

image credit: MorgueFile

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Catholic Family Fun – Sarah Reinhard

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Amidst the busyness of family life with small children, some parents can miss the numerous opportunities to simply have fun with your kids. These are the memories your children will treasure.

One of my favorite things to do with my own children (even those who have reached adulthood) is to play games with them. I’ve always enjoyed a fun game of “Life,” “Scene It” or video games. When they were younger, my sons loved to play pretend games based on movies (like Aladdin, the Wizard of Oz and Return to Oz) and of course, as the only girl in the family, I always got to play the female parts (like Dorothy or Jasmine). As my sons have grown into young men, we still enjoy playing games together (Boggle is our favorite game).

Sarah Reinhard is no stranger to fun. Anyone who reads her columns, blog posts, Tweets or Facebook messages, knows what a wonderful sense of humor she has and what a great writer she is. She has taken two of her strongest talents and made them into a book on how families can have more fun together, not only fun, but fun with a Catholic twist.

Catholic Family Fun: A Guide for the Adventurous, Overwhelmed, Creative or Clueless is a terrific resource that includes nine chapters ranging from a series of light-hearted activities to suggestions on how one can draw deeper into the Catholic faith. Each section lists the activity, the “faith” angle and a way to make the activity your own. It’s filled not only with great ideas for family fun in general, but also specific ideas. I especially enjoyed seeing each activity from a “Faith Angle” and ideas for making the activity your own.

The Appendix is packed with a categorizing of the activities organized by prep time, activities organized by duration and by cost.

I highly recommend this wonderful resource for any family looking make their family time more fun and enjoyable.

Catholic Family Fun has a website where families can enjoy more Family Fun ideas. The book is available through Pauline Books and Media.

Also, Catholic Family Fun has a Facebook page and I highly recommend you “like” it!

Copyright 2012 Ellen Gable Hrkach

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Grace in a Blue Sweater

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You don’t have to be parenting a special needs child to know that conflicts in parenting styles can be one of the toughest issues a married couple can face.  My husband and I are usually on the same page when it comes to this, but recently we had a significant challenge with our nineteen year-old son.  We vehemently disagreed on the approach we should take. I can honestly say that it was one of the hardest times we have faced in our twenty-two year marriage.  I was hurt, felt my position was not being taken seriously, and I was angry with both my husband and my son.

 

I didn’t know what to do with all the emotions I felt, so I did what I typically do (sulk, whine, scream…okay after that) I prayed.  I couldn’t find peace and grace did not appear to be forthcoming.  Then, God in His faithfulness, gave me the grace I needed.  My husband (with whom I was so upset that it took a herculean effort to be civil) came downstairs in his blue sweater.  He looks so good in that sweater.  I couldn’t help but marvel at how I could still be so attracted to this man after all these years and even in the middle of a disagreement!  God knows exactly how to get to me and He got to me good.

 

It’s been months since that day, and God has allowed me to see the wisdom in my husband’s parenting style and decisions.  I have been grateful a million times that the Lord enabled me to have grace to die- to-self and let my husband take the lead. I am even grateful for the times I was allowed to walk away from this challenge; my husband was in charge.  All these are blessings and the grace that started with the blue sweater has grown to an admiration and love for my husband’s strength and wisdom.  God does indeed work in mysterious ways.

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The Spiritual Consequences of Sterilization

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Last year, on one of the morning shows, a couple was asked to carry a camcorder around while they debated and discussed their decision to have a vasectomy. After the births of three boys — the youngest only a few months old — they made the decision to go ahead and have a permanent solution carried out because their plate was “full with three small boys.” The segment showed the husband at the doctor’s office having the procedure done. They were interviewed two months later and the wife said, they were “relieved,” “felt the freedom of not having to worry about more children.”  The man said the operation was “quick and painless,” “very easy,” “great experience.” And, just to convince all the viewers that vasectomy is the best decision a couple can ever make, the doctor stated that there were “no long-term side effects from vasectomy.”

While I find that particular research suspect (i.e. there have been noted long-term side effects), these are not the worst side effects from vasectomy and tubal ligation. The most destructive are the spiritual repercussions. While contraception in itself separates a couple during marital relations, sterilization seeks to separate a couple permanently in their most intimate embrace and the spiritual consequences are far greater and more destructive than any of the physical side effects.

Case in point: we know of a couple who became sterilized after having a large number of children. They knew NFP, but they gave in to the pressure to become sterilized. A few years after the sterilization, however, one of their teenaged sons committed suicide. The year after their son died, they sent out letters to many in the Catholic community informing them that they had been involved in intensive spiritual counseling. Here’s what they wrote:

“During the night before his death, while our son was downstairs writing his notes to us and spending his last hours in utter hopelessness, there were at least three times when we were awake. It seems that it would have been a simple matter for God to prompt one of us to go downstairs and discover the horrible tragedy that was threatening our son. In fact, He probably was prompting us, but we were not living in God’s order, so we could not hear His prompts.”

About their sterilization, they said this: “We knew this was contrary to church teaching so we both went to confession almost immediately afterwards, but we really didn’t have true contrition because of our blindness. Little did we realize the tremendous suffering we would bring to our family, parish and community.”

At the time the letter was written, they were in the process of arranging for a reversal.

Now, I don’t necessarily agree with the cause and effect situation they present. However, I include it here because they believe that their decision to become sterilized was a contributing factor to their son’s suicide.

Other cases in point: three couples we taught NFP to many years ago decided to throw away the NFP charts and become sterilized. Two of the couples are now divorced, one couple is separated.

Children who know that their parents have been sterilized (despite the teaching of the Church that it is a mortal sin) grow up thinking that they don’t have to be obedient to the teachings of the Church.

Sterilization may seem like the easy way out, but in actuality, it permanently and physically separates a couple not only during their most intimate physical embrace, but in their spiritual embrace and separates them from God. It also serves as a poor example to the children. While there are many physical side effects, the spiritual repercussions are far more dangerous to a marriage.

For couples who need to avoid pregnancy, Natural Family Planning is a safe, effective and moral alternative to sexual sterilization and allows the married couple to remain as one. For more information on NFP: www.ccli.org or email me at info@fullquiverpublishing.com

Text copyright 2012 Ellen Gable Hrkach

Image purchased from iStock

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Talking to Teens about Suicide

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My alarm clock is set to play the radio at 7 a.m. on Sunday morning. That is also the time when the local community channel comes on. Usually they have program organizers on the show to promote a local charity or event. As I lay in my bed I listened to a woman talk about a walk that would raise funds for a 17 year old that had recently taken her own life and no one knew why.

Suicide. This is a topic that we don’t often talk about. It is uncomfortable and painful and we think our child would never struggle with that decision. But the reality is, it happens.

Teenagers are passionate and often ego-centric and think the whole world is going to end if things don’t go the way they planned. One of my younger cousins posted on facebook: “My life is over. My father just took away my ipod. How will I survive this car ride?”

Or another cousin recently posted, “Grounded forever.”

As adults we can laugh at this because we’ve been through it and know that teenagers are dramatic and there are bigger problems then not being able to go out or listen to your music in the car. As adults we know there are bad days, but we know, it won’t always feel like this. Tomorrow is a new day. Teenagers that are self-focused and can’t look beyond what is in front of them might not be able to think so rationally.

During mass I thought more about that woman on the radio and the pain I could hear in her voice. I thought about the teenagers that I would be teaching in confirmation class that same night and thought maybe the Holy Spirit was leading me to talk to them about the sadness of suicide.

As I prepared my notes for class I thought about how life can be hard for a teenager, especially a teen that is trying to live out his Catholic faith and is constantly different from everyone else. They want to blend in and not be ridiculed by their peers. They want to be accepted and fit in. They want to be loved.

Then it hit me. I knew how to address this difficult topic of suicide.

Look at the cross.

If you are going through hard times and having thoughts of taking your own life, know that it won’t always feel like this. It will get better. Talk to a friend, a teacher, your parents, write down what you are going through. Talk to a professional and get help.

If you feel like no one can understand your pain, look to the cross. Our God understands suffering. His heart aches for you and he wants to give you comfort.

I told them the story called Footprints in the Sand. Lord, “why when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?” The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, is when I carried you.”

Our God is with you when you suffer. Even when you feel like your life is not worth living, know that you have a purpose and your life has so much meaning.

God gave you life. When he said, thou shalt not kill, he meant your own life too. Your body is a temple, not meant to be destroyed. Your life has a purpose, of course it does! Talk to God in your pain. The Immaculate and Sacred Heart of Jesus ache for so much love of you.

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Bring Lent to Life Book Review

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Kathleen Basi, author of “Bring Lent to Life,” has a confession to make…she “loves Lent.”

I learned a lot from this wonderful little book. I learned that the word “Lent” comes from the Old English Lencten (it sounds like lengthen, a word for spring which meant the days were growing longer).

“This Lent,” she writes, “let’s journey together through some of the most important elements of our Christian faith. Let’s explore them like children, with our children.”

The weeks of Lent are separated as follows: Week 1, Fasting, Almsgiving and Prayer; Week 2, Baptism and RCIA; Week 3, Reconciliation and Repentance; Week 4, Renewal; Week 5, Passion and Week 6, Holy Week.

Basi tells us that “Each week general information helps parents ‘unpack’ the faith in preparation for sharing it with our children followed by specific reflection for both adults and kids.”

At the end of each week, a list of activities for parents and children follow, as well as reflections for both. Some of the activities include an Easter Tree, Sunday Love Letters, Sacrifice Beads, Pretzels (with history and a recipe), Stations of the Cross, Baptism party, discussion of types of prayer, water, white clothes.

What I didn’t expect from this Lenten book were the wonderful recipes for pretzels, fish soup, Pasta Primavera, Italian Red Sauce (which I made Monday evening for dinner and practically ate the entire pot of sauce myself…) and Sweet Potato Resurrection Rolls.

This is a delightful book with information for both parents and children to grow in faith during this Lenten season.

I highly recommend it to everyone!

Copyright 2012 Ellen Gable Hrkach

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My Daughter’s Sacrifice

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My daughter’s Sacrifice

Every few years, my daughter (with special needs) has a birthday that falls on Good Friday.  I have been constantly impressed with her commitment to keep her fast on that day, rather than celebrating her birthday.  This child, who often misses the details of how someone feels, or what is appropriate social behavior, never misses this spiritual opportunity to put her faith first.

 

One year, our youth leader’s wife organized a birthday party for him on Good Friday after the Living Stations of the Cross.  This prompted a discussion between the youth leader and my then nine year-old daughter about why she wasn’t celebrating her birthday that day.  This year, following my daughter’s example, the youth leader asked that no one do anything after the Living Stations for his birthday.  “A little child shall lead them.”

 

It is easy sometimes to forget the gifts that a child with special needs has, but this is one circumstance where my daughter’s gift of faith shines so brightly that everyone can see it and is drawn to her beautiful inner light.  May God bless my Anya-Marie as she turns thirteen on Good Friday this year and as she puts it, “It’s not so bad, cuz we’ll celebrate on Easter and I’ll get a bunny cake.”  God bless you abundantly this Lenten season.

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Review of Welcome Risen Jesus by Sarah Reinhard

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“Welcome Risen Jesus: Lent and Easter Reflections for Families” is Sarah Reinhard’s second book and follows the same easy-to-read format of her first book, “Welcome Baby Jesus: Advent and Christmas Reflections for Families.”

In the introduction, Sarah writes, “This booklet will help you and your family focus each day on the three pillars of Lent: prayer, fasting and almsgiving.”

Like her first book, each day has a think, act, pray section, although this version also includes a paragraph entitled “Fast.” Each page lists a pertinent Scripture passage.

A few examples from the Act sections: “Do you have lunch money or some saved allowance? Give all or part of it to a food pantry or soup kitchen,” or “Wash the dishes or help with the cleanup as much as you can.”

The Fast sections include suggestions such as: “Give your dessert — or the favorite part of your snack — to someone else,” of “Don’t eat between meals today,” or “Do a chore you hate without mentioning you hate it or calling attention to the fact you’re doing it.”

This is a beautifully written and illustrated book. The fact that it is geared to both parents and children is what I love most about it. This offers parents and children a unique opportunity to grow together in faith during the Lenten season and takes only a few moments each day.

I look forward to using this booklet with my own family and I highly recommend it to all families who wish to grow in faith during this beautiful Lenten season.

Copyright 2012 Ellen Gable Hrkach

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NFP Goes High Tech

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A few weeks ago, we taught an NFP (Natural Family Planning) class. Earlier in the day, we looked over the notes. That evening, we logged onto the teaching website. We tested the audio and video. We uploaded the slides and videos to the whiteboard, then waited for class to begin and for the eight registered couples to log on and join the “virtual classroom.”

Welcome to NFP in the 21st century! We don’t have to leave our home to teach NFP and student couples can learn NFP in the comfort of their own homes. They can see and hear us on the audio and video. If students have questions, they use the chat function.

For us, it’s been the answer to a prayer. Three years ago, after teaching NFP for 24 years, we were frustrated at the lack of interest in couples wanting to learn NFP. We felt fortunate to be teaching one or two couples a year. We had this enthusiasm to share our knowledge of NFP with others and wished there were more interested couples.

In the past 27 years, we have traveled all over Ontario to teach NFP classes. The most recent was three years ago when three different couples all inquired about the possibility of learning the sympto-thermal method of NFP in the Greater Toronto area. For the first two classes, we agreed to meet at the halfway point (each of us traveling two and a half hours) and for the last class, James and I traveled down to Toronto to teach Class III. It was an expensive venture, but we didn’t want to miss the opportunity to teach NFP to enthusiastic and interested couples. However, I told James that I wish that we could teach NFP online.

I didn’t have to wait long for my wish to come true.

A few months later, we discovered that our NFP organization, the Couple to Couple League, was looking for teaching couples to pilot a new online NFP teaching course. We immediately said yes and have never looked back. Since then, we have taught more couples in the past two years than in the previous 15 years.

The obvious advantage of online NFP classes is convenience. Most of the couples we’ve taught enjoy the convenience of not having to leave their homes and get a babysitter, although a few couples have missed the fellowship with other student couples.

One obvious disadvantage is when the internet isn’t working properly. It’s also hard for us as NFP teachers to judge whether a particular student is grasping a certain point because we can’t see facial expressions. In a large group, it’s necessary to test the couples frequently to make sure they’re understanding. And…it’s not unusual at least once during each class for some sort of technical malfunction to happen.

For the most part, however, it’s been a joy to teach NFP to so many couples, couples who may not have been able to learn otherwise.

Natural Family Planning is safe, effective and morally acceptable. Learning NFP has never been easier or more convenient. Materials and course fee are required to take the class.

If you’re interested in registering for an upcoming virtual online course: http://register.ccli.org/virtual

If you have any questions, concerns or comments, please feel free to email us at info@fullquiverpublishing.com or leave a comment below.

Photo and text copyright 2012 Ellen Gable Hrkach

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Dread is Not Gonna Happen Today

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It isn’t often that I dread going to the CCD office; my job there is often more creative play than work. I feel guilty for accepting a paycheck. Well, maybe just a little. ;-)

But there are days we all open one eye hesitantly to the morning sunbeam, feel the weight as our husband sits on the bed’s edge to tie his shoes, hear him tell us that a thunderstorm should be passing through by evening, hear the door tell him goodbye, and welcome to our mind CCD classes entering the Twilight Zone.

The image I had this morning was one of thunderclouds racing overhead, rain and thunder orchestrating a symphany about the churchgrounds, tornadoes dancing on the wings, buckets of water pouring off the CCD building’s awning, and me held hostage in a building with 200 students.

I was wishing it was Thursday instead of Wednesday so I could chunk the covers back over my head, grateful for the serendipity of thunderstorms on the day following hump day.

Wasn’t gonna happen today.

True to this orchestration, teachers began calling in their notice for the day. I began calling substitutes to the rescue.

Then I did the best thing ever. I hit the dreaded day with two feet on the floor and a fresh pot of coffee on its heels. Then, enamored by that pot of fresh coffee, I put a batch of laundry to wash, balanced the checkbook, seasoned creamed chicken in crockpot, and went over lesson plans for the day.

Out the door I (with a fresh cup of coffee), headed to the office to print teacher’s papers and student lesson sheets.  Teachers and parents called about the storm. Parents called not wanting to get out of their houses. Can you blame them?

What would we do about the meeting and 1st penance practice supposed to happen in the church? What about the Baptism presentation scheduled for the Atrium? What about the 4th graders’ scavenger hunt in the church? What about the prayer garden walk for the older students?

What about…???

Bump. Bump. Bump. I mentally filed all these thoughts into the following weeks and left to get some lunch then take a breather at home.

I called the neighboring churches to see what they had decided. They were continuing with classes as scheduled.

My ten-year-old whipped up a bowl of French vanilla pudding and brought me a bowl.

Sweetness in the face of dread.

A peek at Facebook.

The visionary behind this wonderful webcorner, (Thanks, Lisa :-) ) left a 3-minute soul walk that promised to give me 24-hours (or maybe just the next 5-hours?) of peace. And it did.

Through Scripture comes the words of Christ: “Do Not Be Afraid!” and I realized I wasn’t troubled at all this day. I got out of bed this morning and did what had to be done, knowing God’s grace would sustain me. Peace was with me the whole day.

I love having a job that is more a calling than a job.

I love having a calling where God is my boss.

I can rest in peace over any decision, any choice, any plan that is made by my human weakness because I know that God is in charge of this job.

Gotta love a job that gives you peace.

{Update: Catechism classes went very well tonight. Very well. God’s Grace!}

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