“The fact is, as experience shows, that new life is not the result of each and every act of sexual intercourse.” Paul VI, Humanae Vitae

God’s natural and beautiful design is that women are only fertile for a short time each month. Taking into account ovum life (48 hours at most) and sperm life (up to five days depending on the type of mucus in the woman’s body), there are approximately seven days in each cycle that a woman is fertile. Other factors include each woman’s particular level of fertility: the type of mucus, their age (the younger they are, the more fertile) and the man’s level of fertility (sperm count and quality of sperm).

As Pope Paul VI writes in his encyclical, Humanae Vitae (On Human Life),”…new life is not the result of each and every act of sexual intercourse.” And contrary to popular belief, the Catholic Church does not teach that a couple must actively seek pregnancy each time they engage in marital relations. But she does teach that intercourse must at least implicitly retain its procreative meaning. Contraceptives destroy the conjugal act’s procreative aspect. Therefore, if the couple has serious need, and spacing or avoidance of pregnancy is desired, they may use Natural Family Planning, that is, relations during the infertile time.

Natural Family Planning is safe, healthy and effective and works as well, if not better, than most of the popular birth control devices and without the unhealthy side effects.

Let us pray each time we approach the marital bed: “I promise to be faithful to you. I come here freely, I love you totally and I am open to creating children with you.”

Copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

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The beginning of a new year often prompts many to make resolutions regarding lifestyle. Some will decide to exercise more or to eat better or to get more sleep.

Nowadays healthier lifestyle choices are encouraged: a diet rich in whole foods, fresh fruits and vegetables, low in saturated fat. Unhealthy habits are discouraged: poor diet, inactivity, smoking, excessive drinking.

Part of a healthy lifestyle also includes making good choices regarding birth regulation.

Moral considerations aside, NFP, or Natural Family Planning, is very healthy. It is not only an effective method of birth regulation, it also has no physical side effects and, in my experience, helps a woman to understand and to know her body better. There are no pills or chemicals which go into the woman’s delicate system. There are no devices or operations for either man or woman.

Other methods, however, are not so healthy-inducing.

Each oral contraceptive pill or patch prescription includes an extensive insert outlining the many physical side effects: an increased risk of blood clots, strokes, heart attacks, headaches, breast cancer, mood swings, weight gain. Vasectomy comes with an increased risk of prostate cancer and dementia. Women who undergo a tubal ligation have increased risk of pain and hysterectomy.

For those who are especially concerned with the environment, the Pill is a likely culprit in contributing to the feminization of male fish.

http://www.aboutmyplanet.com/environment/study-us-fish-increasingly-feminized/

http://pubs.acs.org/cen/coverstory/86/8608cover.html

This is a great, informative NFP video:

http://www.phxnfp.org/

My husband, James, and I are certified NFP teachers and we also teach NFP online. For more information on NFP or the classes we teach, email me at info@fullquiverpublishing.com

Copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

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To discuss the answer to this question, first a brief explanation/review of Natural Family Planning: a couple together observe and chart the woman’s signs of fertility and infertility. If the couple is avoiding pregnancy, they abstain from relations in the fertile time and wait until they reach the infertile phase to engage in the marital embrace.

Since NFP involves abstinence during the fertile time, some complain that it isn’t really natural because we can’t follow our “natural” urges and engage in sexual activity whenever we want.

If a couple is avoiding pregnancy and they are not having sexual contact in the fertile time, it doesn’t mean they stop loving one another. Nor does it mean that they stop having the natural desire to become one.

Over the years, I have found this to be a challenging aspect of NFP since the fertile time has typically been when I most desire my husband. However, the time of abstinence has also been an opportunity to focus on other ways of loving such as walks, special dinners, talking and sharing. NFP can be a way to grow in virtue.

The question “Is NFP really natural” comes down to this: NFP is natural because there are no devices, chemicals or other surgical procedures used. It is natural because it allows the couple to be free to choose when to engage in relations and not be a slave to urges and passions. We are human precisely because we can say no and we can say yes. Humans can fast from food but animals cannot make the decision to stop eating because it is in their nature to eat when food is put in front of them. When husband and wife come together as one in the sexual embrace with no devices or chemicals, it is precisely because they can say no that the freely-chosen yes means something so beautiful and sacred.

Marriage does not justify lust. If a wife were merely a means of satisfying her husband’s urges, it could potentially cause the wife to feel used.

Abstaining (and not following the “natural urge” theory) can be an act of love. For example, if a wife or husband were ill, would it be natural to abstain and remain faithful or would it be natural to give in to urges to find pleasure with another person? The free choice to remain faithful is very natural, just as I believe that the choice to abstain in the fertile time is natural as well.

I can honestly state that with NFP, I have never felt used. And these times of abstinence have brought us closer.

NFP is definitely natural. Abstaining can be an act of love. Choosing to do the right thing is very natural when one is trying to grow in virtue.

For more information on NFP: http://www.ccli.org

copyright 2010 Ellen Gable Hrkach

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“Love one another as I have loved you.” John 13:34-35

As baptized and confirmed Christian/Catholics, Christ resides in each of us. If we consider the love that Christ gave us when he died on the cross was his freely chosen gift, totally given, faithful to the point of death and that gift was fruitful (redemption of mankind which opened up the gates of heaven), and if we consider that we are called to image Christ, then we must love our spouse in the same way.

Our love must be free. “I lay down my life…No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord.” (Jn 10:18) We cannot be coerced to love or forced to engage in relations, even marital relations. Our love must be freely-given. Couples who use contraception have the potential of being slaves to their passions. If one cannot say no to sex, then their yes means nothing.

Our love must be total. “Greater love has no man than this, than a man lay down his life for his friends.” (Jn 15:13) There can be no holding back. Within the context of the conjugal bed, this self-gift must be total: no contraceptives or contraceptive behaviors.

Our love must be faithful. “I am with you always to the close of the age.” (Mt 28:20) Christ was faithful to the Father and faithful to each one of us. In the sacrament of marriage, we have made a lifelong commitment/vow to our spouse and we must remain faithful in everything we do. It is obvious that we ought to be faithful with regard to the conjugal bed, but there are many other areas we can be unfaithful that do not include sexual relations (and this will be a topic for a future column…) The use of contraception or contraceptive behaviors separates a couple during their most intimate act.

Our love must be fruitful. “I came that they might have life and have it more abundantly.” (Jn 10:10) Christ’s death brought life to us and opened up the gates of heaven. Married love must also bear fruit. The most obvious fruit is the gift of children. Couples who contracept are purposefully thwarting this essential life-giving aspect of conjugal relations.

Following God’s Joy-Filled Plan for Marriage, that is, refraining from using birth control (and using NFP for serious need to avoid pregnancy) can, at times, be challenging and difficult. Without Christ’s grace, it would be impossible.

Christ trusted in the Father’s plan that he die for our sins…He didn’t really want to suffer, but knew that it had to be done (“not my will, but yours”). We, as married couples need to trust in the Father’s plan for married love which includes openness to life and, if there are serious reasons to avoid pregnancy, the use of Natural Family Planning. Even though NFP may be difficult, it will be worthwhile because if we trust God, God is very trustworthy and graces abound for the spouses individually and as a couple. The couple who trusts in God’s plan will be very happy together, are able to help each other get to heaven and will remain as good examples not only to their children but to all those around them.

As baptized and confirmed Christian/Catholics, Christ resides in each of us. With regard to God’s plan for married life and love, we need to love our spouses as Christ loves us: freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully. We need to allow Him to work more in us and to trust His plan for us.

copyright 2010 Ellen Gable Hrkach

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Answers to some common questions regarding Natural Family Planning

What exactly is NFP?
Natural Family Planning is a method of birth regulation whereby a couple charts the woman’s fertility cycle, determines when the woman is fertile, then abstains during that period of time if avoiding pregnancy. If the couple is planning a pregnancy, they determine the most fertile time of the woman’s cycle in order to try to conceive. NFP is unique amongst methods of birth regulation because it can be used to both achieve and avoid pregnancy.

Abstinence? You mean a married couple must abstain?
Not at all. No married couple has to abstain from marital relations. Married couples choose to abstain in many instances: sickness, after childbirth, traveling…to name just a few. Abstaining from relations to avoid pregnancy can be seen as a logical extension of those times.

How many days, on average, does a married couple have to abstain if they’re avoiding pregnancy?
On average, most married couples abstain for about ten to twelve days. Women in the postpartum (after having a baby) period and pre-menopausal women usually have to abstain for longer periods of time.

Isn’t abstinence too difficult?
Abstinence is difficult. There’s no denying it. However, just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s not worthwhile. As a woman, I have never felt used. When my husband and I are abstaining, it’s almost like dating again. When we resume relations, there’s always a honeymoon feel to it. I believe that our regular use of abstinence has preserved the romance part of our marriage.

Since abstinence is hard, wouldn’t it be good/helpful for a married couple to engage in non-procreative sexual behaviors during the fertile time?
You might think so, but in reality, these kinds of behaviors end up having an insidious and corrosive impact on the couple’s spiritual, physical and emotional well-being. Withdrawal, oral sex and mutual masturbation are behaviors which encourage lust. Abstinence means exactly that, abstaining from sex and sexual behaviors. Also, some contraceptive behaviors, like withdrawal or using condoms, are not only wrong, these activities can result in a pregnancy. However, if the couple decides to engage in the complete marital act with no contraception, this is morally acceptable.

How many different methods of NFP are there?
There are two NFP methods which are in common use today: the sympto-thermal method and the mucus-only method. There are various organizations which teach different approaches. But the sympto-thermal method usually uses a variety of observations in the woman’s cycle, such as basal body temperature, cervical mucus and cervix changes. All modern methods of NFP are at the 98-99 percent effectiveness in avoiding pregnancy.

How much does it cost to attend an NFP course?
This depends on the organization. The Couple to Couple League (for whom we teach) charges $150 plus shipping. With this, the couple receives a textbook, thermometer, charts and many other helpful materials. As well, they are automatically signed up to receive CCL’s magazine, Family Foundations, for one year. Members can also attend future classes free of charge as long as their membership is current. Other NFP organizations charge for books and materials. When you compare it to the cost of all other methods of contraception, it is a great bargain.

What’s the real difference between using NFP and using contraception? The end result is the same, isn’t it?
What’s the difference between abortion and miscarriage? What’s the difference between killing your terminally ill grandmother and waiting until she dies naturally? The end result is the same, isn’t it? While the end result may be the same, the way it happens is not.

Or to use the analogy that Christopher West uses: imagine a couple is getting married and they don’t want to invite a distant aunt. They have two options of not inviting her. They can simply not send her an invitation or they can send her a “dis-invitation,” a card which says, “You are not invited to our wedding.” Obviously, if she receives a dis-invitation, she is going to be more insulted and upset than if she doesn’t receive an invitation at all.

Using NFP is like not sending God an invitation to create life. Use of contraception is like sending a dis-invitation to God. And, as Pope John Paul II wrote in his book, Love and Responsibility: “Continence as a virtue cannot be regarded as a ‘contraceptive measure.’”

In a nutshell, the basic difference is that a couple using NFP can love as Christ loves: freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully. Contraception separates a couple during their most intimate act; couples cannot love totally. Contraception removes the procreative aspect of the marital act and encourages lust and selfishness.

Where can I find out more about NFP?
The following websites offer helpful information:
www.ccli.org
www.serena.ca
www.woomb.org
www.creightonmodel.com

Copyright 2010 Ellen Gable Hrkach

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